Saturday, May 12, 2007

Some illusion of unspoken reflections

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Jean Kerr

My mother left home at 9:50 am. I was half awake then. I had a mango at 11. I was asleep even till 12:30 am. Then I had a lunch kind of meal at 1:50 pm. Along with my brother I left home at 2:20. The previous morning, I slept around 3:30 am. I had a chat with a friend until then. There were some interesting and important topics to be discussed. All along I had 2 to 3 people in my mind - all of them my friends. Nobody else - please!

Today my mother, at her office, was told that she will have to go to Japan for a month to do some study on rural development of women. She rejected outright. She said she is least interested. I wonder what Japan has to offer to co-operative banking. My mother can never think of leaving us for more than a week. Japan is too far.

Yesterday my brother bought a Nokia 6600. My father had not allowed him to spend more than 5000 bucks so he went for a second-hand set. I was barely happy with his choice of a second-hand piece but it was his money and I was there just to give him company. I had called up a friend to help us.

I also finally got to buy new pairs of shoes for me. I purchased them from Shoe Factory at Sanali mall. I had initially thought of making it at Metro but my friend insisted that I try here. I was satisfied with it. I was tired by the time I reached home. But I was awake till 3:30 am.

I have been doing all interesting things I can never really define. I am probably searching for some new idea every single moment I invent on thinking. Until now I was serious about something, and now I am doing trivial things to beat that seriousness. I am doing wonderfully great and I am glad. I am sure its worth it this time around.

I met two of my friend in the afternoon. We had to take some photocopies to study from for the exam on Monday. I got to talk to one of these two friend after we finished our worked. He seems to be lost in something I can call as madness but it also looks closer to foolishness. I cannot define it to perfection. For the record, I trust him only when he repeats things more than once, being at different places. For the rest of his words, only he knows best.

Today I dreamed of deleting my account on I have been thinking about it for a few days now. Some weeks back I thought of deleting my blogs, but later went on to make two of them private. Deleting the account or keeping it happen to be the only two options. There are some people on I prefer never talking to via yahoo messenger. So I am still in the thinking bracket. I have also created an account on today after getting an invitation from my uncle a couple of days back. I had previously received several invitations but I accepted this.

In my post 'Flawed Simulation' I have described an error in my own being. But I remember simulating several ideas on several occasions. And I have enjoyed them well. In fact I keep doing such things every now and then. There are a few monstrous one I can never forget. One of them being a love-latter I wrote on behalf of a friend. he gave it to his girlfriend. It was written to perfection - no one could ever think that it was not my friend but I who wrote it. I had simulated my existence as my friend's existence by putting myself in his shoes.

Sometimes, I remember, I have taken decisions by imagining myself to be somebody else. It helped me especially when I didn't know what action would be mature or immature. This 'simulation' had put me in some elder person's shoes and had made me think how that person would think if he or she were to be in my place. It helped me. Mostly. And I enjoyed it.

Yesterday while chatting, I told my friend that I was feeling sleepy but didn't want to sleep. I have felt that way before several times. Sleeping looks such a waste of time. But when I go to sleep, something doesn't allow me to wake up again or get out of the bed. Perhaps I am blaming this 'something' which in reality is me. Or it is my laziness. And the laziness belongs to me. It takes a Jihad sometimes!

I am yet to have my dinner and it is already 11 pm. Everybody at home is done with it. I had the lunch after Magrib. I do feel some hunger but I am not much interested in what the food lying on the dining table has to offer. But thats the only thing available. There is some chicken cooked in 'masala' and 'naan ki rooti'. I had the same thing in lunch. I will probably have rice and not the 'naan'. I also want something cold to drink; have to look into the refrigerator. Water won't be sufficient. I thank Allah for everything and more.

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