Missed a day ...

Yesterday I was too tired after writing and reading so much. In the evening I was again not feeling well and I also had to go to a marriage fuction. I couldn't skipp that because that was my only source of dinner :D . Anyways I am fine now and I really feel wonderful after I have written that.

I am going to rewrite all that once again after a year. Till then I will have learnt a lot many things.

I do not hav much to write for today. Its just the actual start of my day now and unlike daily I am updating this in during the daytime itself just in case I dont feel like doing it in the night.

Today again I have party to attend and I am sure its gong to be boring with no chicken. I have started to dislike mutton already.

Yes ... here it is

The day before yesterday was as plain as open sky and I slept for most of the time. It was my first holiday and I thought thats the best way to enjoy it. Even sleeping is sometimes a kind of enjoyment. My cousin was here and we had a fine time. He left yesterday morning.

Yesterday I had been to Ocean Park - a water theme park. My basic purpose was to accompany my friends and not to enjoy the water there. In the morning all my friends, 7 of them, came to my house and maybe this was for the first time that I had so many of my friends at my house. It was great to see them all here. Just that a few more were missing and it would have been much better if they had been with us yesterday.

We reached the place by around 12 noon. The first attraction was the one of bumping cars. I just sat there watching 4 of my friends palying with those cars. I didn't go there for reasons unknown to myself and I didn't bother to find it out too. I was happy seeing them play. Next they went to the changing rooms and as I have already decided not to let myself into the waters, I waited for them to get themselves into their swimming costumes. We had a short photo session after that. 2 of them were trying to hide themselves preventing to get into the frame of the pictures but we managed to have them in the clicks.

They went into the wave-pool and I stood beside it with 2 others who too have felt the same way I did. But later one of them got interested in the waters and got carried away. I stood outside and took a few more pics.

Time passed quickly(though I WAS getting bored!), and they all went for the water rides and slides. We took indvidual pics after this. Following the 3rd photo session we left that place. It was around 4:30 I suppose.

But after we came out, one of my friend decided that he would not allow himself and others to leave that place right away. He took the keys of one of the bikes and refused to return it saying that he would ride a bike whose keys were with another guy. The other guy too was stubborn and refused to give the keys of that bike saying that he would ride it himself. They didn't fought but they we spent another one hour sitting there doing foolishly nothing. Later sense dawned into them and we left for the city. On our way back we had grilled chicken and I was droppend at my house at 6:40.

It a day well spent even though I went there not to enjoy but just to be with my friends. And yes there was something more I observed. I was in my formal clothes there and I was being looked by some people like an alien. I could see many eyes eyes staring at my attire as if I had come from some extra-terrestrial place with some machines fixed onto my features. Their sights were shooting violent glances at me hitting me directly at my face. But I refused to allow those shots to pierce into my skin and I helped my skin smile. I wasn't perturbed, rather I was enjoying it.

Late in the evening I helped my mom with some chores and continued with "The Virtue of Selfishness". I wanted to write all this yesterday itself buutcouldn't because I was really thinking abou a few things and I didn't with to lose my rythm with that. Today I will start writing Flowing Emotions and I have no how much its going to take. I hope it gets completed by today night or atleast tomorrow morning.

Today I have many things to do including the partial formatting of my system. It has slowed down a lot and thnx to HP-recovery I can with ease reinstall all the softwares that were shipped with it when I bought it 18 months back.

Tomorrow I will be leaving for Gulbarga in the evening. Though I haven't received the final nod from my parents, I know its just a mater of few second before they agree. I may be there for 3-4 days with my cousins. I am sure of having good time with them.

Tomorrow ...

This is not a procrastination and I know it is not so only because I have chosen it to be my moral code of ethic momentarily so as to make myself more deliberate towards transparency and honesty in accordance to the fundamentals my religion has set for me - the ones that have been rationally defined for my convenience to integrate them into my daily being by being epistemological in full range of verve.

All I mean to say is "watch this space tomorrow".

I let it go today

I felt a bit feverish today evening. But I know it was not fever though my legs were feeling as if something was trying to force them burst. I thought of pressing them with my hands but left it for the tablet to do the work from inside. I am absolutely fine now but sleepy. I have got lots of writing work to do... I couldn't even start writing on the technology blog I wanted to, and started thinking on the next posting for Flowing Emotions but didn't start drafting it. I got a soft copy of "The Virtus of Selfishness" by Ayn Rand. I started reading it but I guess this is not something I can read directly from the screen - I will have to get the hard copy ... I better get a printout of it someday.

I am so tired !

I think I should be feeling relaxed now as I am free with my holidays finally starting, but I am very tired. I couldn't sleep yesterday night and even today I had lots of time with friends and doing nothing at home. Of course I went to a party today which was very boring too as there was no chicken in the menu! It was like a world without ..... I think my friend has already use the continuation of this sentence as a status message for his Yahoo messenger so I don't think I should write it here. The continuation is of the type that may make anyone think of me as a $#&^%@* ... :D . They will be wrong if they do that. I am trying to change the topic thats currently disturbing my peace of mind, making me feel like crying. ... But I am doing great and I am happy - this is how I am supposed to be. Right?

I even wanted to start a new blog today but I don't think I'll be able to it now. God-willing I'll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow I will also start drafting a new post for Flowing Emotions. This will be the one that will complete one of my quotes on my Hi5 profile. In this particular posting I will definitely try to make myself more transparent a person and put forth my lucid views on life. But this thing is definitey going to take some time - maybe 2 days or more. I hope hope I will be clear enough for everybody to understand and powerfull enough for everybody to remember.

I have planned many things for these holidays but if I can even complete half of them I will be very happy with myself.

I have also installed IE 7 Beta 2 on my system. So, testing that is going to be real fun. Hope that will give me another topic to write on ;) .

One more to go ... tomorrow

Tomorrow I heve my lab external and that will be the last one. I pray to God I do this well and score good marks. After that I have holidays of almost 2 months. So once tomorrow's xam is finished I will never have to skip any updates or write shorter ones!

Tomorrow I plan to start a new blog where I will be writing about new technologies being developed and also the ones already in use. Hope this things is more interesting than the others. Even Flowing Emotions is waiting for an update - I should attend to that too!

Happiness is a state of mind ... regardless of the external disturbances!!!

Beside a world-class Imax screen's multiplex I saw a small make-shift fair that was sporting local good's sales and stall owners of lower-middle class; all this in a posh locality surrounding the famous Hussain Sagar. This was annoying. Not because of the "class" thig but because of the way my city, Hyderabad, is being presented to the people coming from other places. I wouldn't comment more on this fearing that I may endup sounding like a corporate personality, but I assume I am not wrong in disliking the idea of mixing up of venues meant for specific standards.

I had been with my parents for a casual and regular outing as today was Sunday. We had a pleasant time except for the alergic dust that was irritating me. I guess I sneezed for tens of times. And I know I made my sneezes catch many eyes around. It was terrible and terrific - terrible because sneezing tires me a lot, and terrific because I was enjoying it :D . I believe every experience is for either enjoying or leaning. And I was doing one of them here!

In the afternoon I read a motivational book by Zig Ziglar. It was good learning somethings again. I have quite a few books yet to be completed. And not to forget the titles I have already to get into my brain. Perhaps I must be spending a little less time on the internet and get along more with books. I wish I could give time for both.

Yesterday, as I have already mentioned about in the last update here, I had a lengthy talk with my friend, and I remember vividly that he said I am the most unlucky person he has met. Well buddy this is for you (I thought of writing a personal letter to you but I suppose its okay for me to share it openly) --- "I am probably the most lucky person I have met in my life. I couldn't have asked for better parents. Not to forget the religion I belong to. My parents have raised themselves from some sort of 'less-than-middleclass' to a 'better-than-middleclass' position - so here I got to see bad times too that have made me understand and learn so much. I can tell lengthy things on this but I hope you can understand what actually I want to convey. If I look back to what my parents were 10 years back, I would wonder how long they have walked to be here. I was lucky to see all this, not everybody gets a chance of this kind... The relatives I have got - they are so many and I never saw any conflicts. I see so many families around who fight for petty things and many times for property. I am lucky, no one in my very large family allowed these kind of things to trouble us. Furthermore, everytime I meet with any of my relative, I feel that I have reduced a little more distance between us. Not everybody has this kind of peace of mind... My parents have given me so much of freedom. They have provided me with every necessity and many luxuries. Somany don't get to enjoy all this... I have so many friends. I can't even count them. Then I have my very good friends. I never had these kind of friends before and I know that no matter where we are 2 years from now, I am never going to forget them. Not everybody gets good friends... These are just a few thigs I have presented buddy, there are several more and I don't think I can even count them. Actually I don't want to. I just thank my God for everything He has given, even the ones whose worth I haven't recognised yet... BUT I would like to tell you one thing that may really end or atleast dilute the concept of being 'lucky'. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LUCK; ITS ALL GOD'S WISH. ... I am in no way unlucky. It is God's wish that has given me what I have and I thank Him for that. He has been too kind toward me and I can't pay him back." :)

Please never use that word for me. I am talking about 'me'. :) Read the title once ... :)

Hiii ...

Today I worked on my Dad's website for his school. www.zehrahs.s5.com and zehrahs.googlepages.com . I have created 2 of them - on freeservers and googlepages. Two because freeservers fecilitates shorter name extensions but introduces advertisements (for starters there are no adverts for the first few days though), and googlepages because it is more flexible and has no adverts but has a larger name extension. It will depend on my dad on what he likes to keep. He hasn't seen it yet, so the decision is pending :) .

Today I spent a few hours with a friend and had lengthy discussions on MBD education and business concepts, and scope in various fields available of MBA students. It was rather a serious talk supplemented with cheeky jokes on people with smaller or no visions. I think this is a good topic for me to write on. I can definitely get more ideas on this and project how people waste themselves by working for multi-national companies that use them as a cheaper labor. I will get to this after finding more supportive material!

Then there were 2 blog postings by the same friend. I think he needs a dose that can make him an open person. I still feel he is a pessimist. Hope he understand what I mean to say. "Let there be light in your heart my friend - the one that makes you ..." whatever ... !!!

2 poems

I wrote 2 poems today. One on a little girl and the other on a mosquito! It was really interesting, a new experience, writing on topis like these. I hope I can do more of such kinds. Short poems are a bit tough to write as describing anything in lesser works requires a bit of extra thinking. May be for the first time I made corrections and modifications to a poem.

The reaction to my poem on a cute litle girl, by a friend, was really hilarious. I enjoyed what he said but I don't think that was good. But anyways he was joking.

I need assistance !

Really felt bad for not being to update for 2 continous days. The day before yesterday I was of course studying, and yesterday I had lengthy chats with some people so I was too tired to think anything and write. Not to mention the tiring day I had coupled with long hours of keeping myself awake.

I think, starting from tuesday afternoon till yesterday evening, I had more than a litre of coffee, and cold coffee for that metter. It was supposed to keep me awake and it surely did!

Since yesterday I've been feeling something incomplete and I cant understand why I should be that way because now that my exams are over I must be more relaxed. I guess that feeling passes away quickly.

I spent most of the day today sleeping and the on the internet. I am really looking for more things I can do to make my web pages more bigger, both - in number and size.

I finally removed my beard yesterday morning. It took a bit more time than usual and I gave myself a smile after the shave I had. I had done it after 15 days and it didnt make me feel anything different. I was being bombarded with many comments at home particularly and I decided to stop them.

Yesterday was my last day with some of my friends. I will meet them again only after the colleges start. I know I am going to miss the college life for the coming days. Its really tiring staying at home, all alone, sitting in front of the computer and typing. I know the later part is of my interest but the former thing is tizzy. I hope I enjoy my days and learn more of life!

I have an assignment given to me by my dad. I have to build a site for his schools and I have chosen freeservers.com for it. They provide shorter name extensions for free web hosting services. I was thinking of creating the pages on Dreamweaver and uploading them but I suppose this is not the right chance to do experiments. Its better off done using the builtin sitebuilder.

Letely I've been confused with what among the two is more important for us - people or the relationships we have with people. I have long back in one of my blog postings written that more than people it is the relation that is more important. But I think I have made a mistake with that. Or probably not. I request anyone with something more on this to direct me or I can say "correct me".

I also want some help regarding the blogging I am into. I understand blogs are the lowest level of sharing information and self-expressing. I prefer having a dedicated site for myself - one that has direct access and not through some other provider's interface. I have asked my cousin for help. He lives in England and has been into outsourcing consultancy. He said he will help me and also review my articles. I hope something good happens this time.

And yeah I got a comment on Flowing Emotions through blogsrater.com. The person is of the opinion that my blogs are disjoint and rambling. He is annoyed with what he read in "Why I hate Harry Potter". I wonder how he can rate my blog by just spending 18 minutes on it and giving 4 page views. There are more than 20,000 words in my blog and that person has checked them all in just 18 minutes and 4 pages. Interestingly impossible. He blames my small age as the reason for writing badly. Cool!

But I know I might not be good enough for writing anything, but I want to, and I welcome any help. I need to know my mistakes and I want to learn how to correct them. I want assistance!

Just don't feel like today ...

I do have several things to write but I will it them tomorrow. I simply don't feel like doing it now.....I will be back.

Thank God for everything

Again I couldnt update this space yesterday and the reason was same again - I was studying for my exam.

The exam was just fine and I dont think I can say much on that. When the marks are out they will speak for themselves. But the book I studied from was really hopeless.

Two of my friend met with an accident today. Though it was not very serious, one of them was a bit badly hurt. He is fine now thank God.

Today I created another webpage and this is a small experiment for hosting softwares and e-books on my site. I hope this works fine....but i am really confused abt wat kind of material i should b having here. I should b looking out for things that r not easily available on the net and may b useful in sumway. Not breaking any piracy rules is also a consideration. Lets see!

Anyways my beard is still growing and I didnt like my dad calling me with names like Imran Hashmi and Himesh sumthing. I am Zubair and i love my name (Zubair. Smile wen u use it :) ).

I have one more xam to go now and I pray I do it well. But the feeling of staying at home for a long time during holidays is pretty uncomfortable. I wonder how I am going to stay not meeting my friends.

Not to mention .... well, .... then lets not mention it !!!

Yes, I am back.

I couldnt post an update yesterday as i was too busy with my studies. I donno if i should say this but i really worked hard for it. I slept for less than 2 hours at night and now its 11:10 pm 0f 15th and i havent slept again after waking up at 5:30 in the morning.

The xam was ok and i think i should get decent marks. But my plan of making it big in these externals is not going the way i wanted it to. I have 2 more to go and i really pray i do them well. I understand i didnt work for the whole of semister and no matter wat i do now it will b very less in regards to wat is required. I really dont know if i can help it but i know i am responsible for every single act i commit and every single reaction that occurs.

I went to receive my cousin sister today as she returned from a holiday in Saudi Arabia. It was really nice to see her again after many days. I was happy that i could meet her cos shez again leaving for Gulbarga tomorrow. God-willing we will meet in my summer vacation. My meeting with 'fanno' too was welcome !

For the past few days i simply allowed my beard to grow. I donno if it really looks like a beard but i find everybody asking "are u growing a beard?". Well my answer is "i am not growing any beard. Its just happening by itself and i am not at all pushing for it. Seriously!" ... Well...i know this is a casual and a joking reply,... i just wanted to see how i may look with that thing on my face and i think i look terrible with it.(I welcome any comments on this as i know more than me others are going to see my face!) Anyways i plan to shave it on Monday or Wednsday (now no superstition in the selection of days please!).

I have my 4th xam on Monday and i again have plans to go for the maximum i can but i do know that watever i do wont b maximum. I hope i am not discouraged and dssappointed by myself this time.

I just feel like saying sumthing now. I dont know wat xactly is prompting me but ... its just a small thing and very much obvious --- i really love every single person i have in my life at this present moment and i am ready to do anything for that person. but i fear losing him/her. I pray to God for keeping everybody happy. ... I am very happy for any reason i may hav unknown to myself. Its just a feeling i am trying to keep inside of me but i know it will definitely b reflectd in watevr i do or say. (the word 'love' i hav used here means a lot so please respect its meaning in respective senses.)

Okay...i know i am getting touchy again.. so i better stop it here and save a few 'emotions' for the days to come. :D Have a good time. :)

Not much for today

I did nothing really productive today except for another page that I added to my new website.

I thought of starting the study for Saturday's xam but didn't really feel like doing it. I hope tomorrow I will be able to do the complete thing the way I want to. God-willing obviously!

It was really nice to know that my cousine has started a blog and is posting religious articles on it. I really appreciate his work and will be in regular touch with it.

BIS Gives More Than Just Marks !

I had a great day today. Actually its going well since yesterday evening itself when I had started some really absorbing study for my xam which I have written today. It was defintely good as I was expecting it to be. I thank God Almighty for all this. I hope I keep going this way past the rest of the externals successfully.

After writing the xam I spent some time with my friends. We were just chit-chatting and having rides on bikes :D ... I should make it clear at the earliest that we were in now way racing !!!

I worked on my home page again today and created an index for all the blog posting I have done on blogger.com till now. This was time-consuming as I had to gather all the titles with the dates and link them to the appropriate page. Google pages is fabulously easy to use and in comparison to Google I am sure freeservers, geocities and lycos are nothing in the business. I plan to take up more expansion on the home page as I have 100mb with the present and not to mention the other 3 google accounts I maintain. So that gives me an aggregate of 400mb :D.

Today while having a chat with a friend I was suddenly reminded of someone who was supposedly something to me untill some days back. I just couldn't understand how this happened but as soon as I thought of that name, I could see a face in my eyes and that brought a smile on my lips. This was really short and was followed by moistening of my eyes. The reality is always here with me to remind me of where my life is and what I am expected to be myself. A thought followed by a smile and then a tear is far more killing than losing something directly.

It is all like I am leaving something I was looking to find. Everyboday says life moves on and even we have to move on. But I guess the appropriate description for me would be "with the life moving, even we move with it regardless of our intent and desire. But we sometimes have to leave some people behind and pray that we never find them anywhere again in our path ahead".

I am doing great and God-willing will continue to do so.

The title I have used was just to say that the subject BIS (Business Information Systems) has taugh me a lot on economic and business management fronts. It was really an interesting thing for me to study and learn. And I know I am definitely going to use all that everywhere I can. It also complies with objectivistic concepts !!!

Yup ...

I was just getting the feeling that I might not be able to give an update today because of the xam I have tomorrow, but just pulled out some time for this.

I was a bit worried about the way my studies were going on but today after really being to concentrate for some good amount of time continously, I think I can definitely think of better days ahead. I have learnt how to beat sleep and how to get rid of silly thoughts that rise up in my mind :D.

I don't have much to write for today as I started with my day very late and spent most of the rest with my books.

Hope I do the xam well tomorrow and be enthusiastic enough to write a bigger update tomorrow !

Hmmn, Life is not a game !

I just completed creating my home page on GooglePages. Its xubayr.z.googlepages.com. Its really making me happy as I see my own homepage on the internet. I remember having one when I was 14 years of age, the one(smallheaven) I had built with 2 of my cousines. At that point of time in my life it was as if we ppl have done sumthing great. But now have 5 blogs and a homepage is a lot better.

These Google people are awesome. I have tried Freeservers and Xanga(of course Xanga is for blogging again) before, but Google Pages is very easy to use and it hardly took time for me to complete the building process.

And yeah! the xam today...I had had studied well for it but I guess a little more effort was required. It was good but not enough to make me happy. I am not satisfied with the way I had written it. God-willing the next one works out better.

I had a great chat today with my cousine sister...it was in parts actually - afternoon and evening. She is in Sakaka right now and has just returned from Mecca. She will be hear in India on 15th of this month and I really look forward to meet her. Feels great to have a friend like her.

Today I even had a chat with a good friend and we were just discussing about the other friends we have around. I think I should now realise all that and return more care for all of them. This is really a very big topic to talk on. Lets not get touchy now ... !

Arduous deeds are to be done with Ardour

I was thinking of not updating this space today and not using the internet at all but I am prompted to do it as I am alone this evening. I spent more than half of the day till now studying for the exam i have tomorrow but it was not at all sturdy and continous.

It's my cousine brother's daughter's first birthday today and my parents have left for the party and maybe this is for the first that I am missing a party and staying back home just to study. But I clearly understand what's going to happen ther at the party - my mom will tell everyone how badly i am studying now a days and how much time i spend on the internet. she will definitely prove that I hav grown into a very stubborn person. this definitely hurts. i remember the days wen she used to praise abt me in front of so many ppl ... i used to hate that then, and now i hate this. But i will grow numb to this kind of talk ... i will becom something that wont be purturbed with any thing negative.

God willing I shall do the xams well. Just 5 of them and i am really enthusiastic abt writing them well ... i remember my exam days till 2 years bac; how much i used to wait for the exams to cum as the feeling of sitting ther with the paper with all the answers in the mind is great. i hope the same thing happens again.

I AM DOING GREAT ... That is how I should be.

Now i won't really get on saying that i did nothing today or i wasted it, i know nothing is waste and every single second i spend, even just sitting in from of the computer, is precious because i am not thinking any senseless probabilities. I am trying to learn everything i can from what i am seeing and what i have already seen, and its giving incredible advantage to the psychological and mental growth I can make for myself (a bit theoritical though but i have understood that as long as we are good and strong at theory, we do practicals well :D).

the best thing i did today was cleaning my car. i had done it just a few days back but it was again in a very dusty and untidy condition. The sun we at its best functioning with lots of sweat in my clothes. Felt wonderful doing some hard work. And I liked what I did, the vehicle as clean as it becomes after a professional wash ... now let me make it clear, I have no plans to take this kind of profession ... I just wanted to be perfect in what I was doing. The shower I took after this "hard work" was really soothing (now please don't ask for a description of that, i can't handle it).

After that I went to my aunt's house and had some fun playing with kids with ages in single digits. They are so cute and sweet. But it feels very bad when they weep ... and feels more bad (terrible actually) when they shout to show their discontent ... but I like kids doing mischief, that's the way they should be.

Then came the most difficult part of the day, going around with mom and dad for shopping. They want to buy some furniture for our house and I was feeling sleepy going shop to shop studying every piece available.

And ye, did I mention the time I woke up in the morning today ... don't ask.

Hii ...

Feels really nice having written for 'flowing emotions'...as always. i was trying to explain myself what i am doing now so that i can read it regularly and corret myself. i am sure that works as i hav done this type of self-hypnosis before. now i would definitely like to make it clear that i didnt mean to refer to anybody directly or indirectly.

it was yet another day spent doing nothing much. xams r nearing and i am just psychologically preparing myself to study hard. God willing we all will do our xams well.

i just had a heavy dinner. mom came home late so the food was brought from a restaurant and it was tasty...(just thought of telling :D).

finally i replied to the letter my cousine had written to me. its really nice to hav ppl with us even wen they know that v r not right in wat v r doing. every person giving me courage and hope is precious to me and i pray to God that He blesses them with all happiness always.

take care !

Ah! Going good but should be much better ...

7th day after starting this blog i didn't update it. What a shame. I was tired actually but i know that is no reason for not writing.

Anyways yesterday was a day well spent. It was my friend's birhtday and we celebrated it having ice creams at Baskin-Robbnis (of course its ice creams what you find there). Then we four guys went to watch a movie. I came back home a bit late in the evening and slept early...at 12:30 am. Prety early, isn't it?

The movie was "The Angrez". I never wanted to see this movie as i already knew it's kind but thought of having sumthing different. It was a disgusting movie with such a vulgar language used. Thank God it was short one. But it's ok,...sumtimes!!!

Today I wrote a poem,...though actually i wanted to write sumthing for 'flowing emotions' - it was 'gridlocked'. The poem was a sort of recollection of my past experience...a lesson i have learnt. I dont know why i really wrote that but i think i feel better now after writing it. That is what 'gridlocked' is meant for - to help me relieve myself.

I was really feeling uncomfortable today, there is some kind of worry in my mind. I know its not studies but what i have been through. I also know it was just a small thing but still it is troubling. I can still have that feeling ther that i may end up hurting myself again. But in know if i am really determined then this shouldn't be a factor to hinder my peace of mind. I am not supposed to think negatively. So silly was i ... (Oh really?). Will think about this later.

I am NASCENT !

Thought of updating during the day time itself.

I was sleeping after 2 in the nights all these days but today i will sleep a bit early and hav a little extra sound sleep.I am thinking of updating 'flowing emotions' but i may just end up doing nothing...depends on how i feel till the end of the day.

my cousine read yesterday's update and asked me to edit the part i wrote abt my friend saying that she may feel more bad if she reads it. my answer was simple, "nobody will mind. its just wat i felt". i hope i am not wrong with this.

Ya the 'nascent' thing....it means i am just born !!! (means a lot more than wat actually it can mean)

Well ...

Had a gud time with friends today. it was supposed to b a day spent studying but never mind as always it is said therz always next time...next day here. hope tomm will b productive. i am just pacifying my frustration here...of course!

my attempt to forget a few things r going fine xcept that a face today was really a terrifying frame. i know this wont b easy going. it has started just now and i hav to go a long way. but as i hav already decided, i am standing for this decision i hav taken. tearing that paper with a chiche written red was uncomfortable. i still hav the paper bits with me...can anyone help me and tell me wat i can do with it?...it will b tough to trash it.

i was feeling writing sumthing for flowing emotions but didnt really get sumthing nice a reason and a topic to do so. mayb tomm i hope i can key in a little.

i really felt sory for my friend who was told in her lab xternal sumting crap and was terrible. i know it could hav been me too. God-willing everyhting should b fine.

ending on a positive note hoping for hardwork tomm.

This was nice ... !

I was just getting the feeling that i had wasted yet another day by studying nothing but sum pages of Fountainhead and newspaper, i found sumthing new i could play with. i had sum gr8 time chatting with 2 of my very gud friends using the status messages in the yahoo messenger. it was coool changing the mesages continously and discussing interesting things.

we had a talk on the concept of girfriend among others and i was of the opinion that it is a bad thing to hav gurlfriends. then ther were many comments exchanged - of course through status messages. i told that if i hav a friend whoz a girl and if i tell her 'i love u' and if she blushes, then shez my girlfriend. but i also understand that if i say the same thing to a gud friend whoz a grl in a much different way, then she wont b my girlfriend, as it is obvious that gud friends love and care for each other. one of my friends said that a girlfriend will show more care and effection toward him than just a girl who is his friend. i replied "if i had a very gud friend whoz a guy, and if i call him as my boyfriend, then i will find many raised eyebrows ". well, this was not all. i had a very nice time and the chat was a long one.

later i saw a blog written by my cousine who is 5 years younger to me (http://mythuts.blogspot.com). hez really an interesting person and i know he has a gr8 time ahead in his life. he will definitely go a long way. i am proud to b his cousine.

and yes, i made a decision today. i am going to forget sumthing tat has changed my life. i tried it b4 but this time i am determined and i will prove that i hav principles i stand for. hope my God helps me with this. i will move on and live a life of my own. though i will never forget wat all i hav learnt till now. of course therz lot more left to b understood yet.

i will now give more time and concern to my friends. they always mean a lot to me.

k then...c ya tomm.

hii..

the xam was good except for the viva. i wish i could hav done it well.

today i came to know a few more things on where i stand now. feels gud that i know it but i guess its too late now. i hope i will move on this time. this can b tough i understand but i will prove it to myself that THERE ARE principles i stand for. i will write more on this. currently there is nothing i understand things around me. i cant understand where i went wrong that i made sumone feel that i am worthless and i flirt around. the reason to b gud is dying now and i suppose this can really b interesting.

i wnated to b more frank in writing all this but i will hold on a few more things this time till i settle down and gather myself. mayb 'gridlocked' is waiting for me again !!!

u ppl b happy and leave waterev worries u can on me. i am here and i will take them on me .... iwsh i could do that.