Thursday, August 31, 2006
Yesterday I received the CDs I had ordered on canonical.com The CDs were of UBUNTU, an operating System based on Linux. I want to have it instelled on mysystem but unfortunately my CD ROM isnt working. They have sent me 5 copies of the software and all this was free of any charge.
I had writtn the title of this post 2 hours back and saved it as a draft. It is what I have always felt and had already written once on this blog. I have what I had always wanted to have ... even more than that actually. All things came at the right time. Further more, it feels nice when I call myself the luckiest; I doesnt make me feel like a looser.
Yesterday I went to a birthday party of a friend. Actually we are not friends but as I was invited along with my other friends, I went along. Initialy I was a bit uncomfortable being there, but it was fine later.
My sister's wedding date has finally been decided. It will be 21st of December. I am eagerly looking forward to the occasion. Again I will get a chance to have all my cousins here except for those who live abroad. But its going to be a little of emotional for all of us I guess - my sister is perhaps the most cuddled one. She may be leaving for US as soon as she gets married. But thers a problem - I will have to go to Guntur to attend the reception function!
I do not know aht I am writing today but I have been tring to put manytings. I have already typed and deleted so much. Until some weeks back I had the freedom of writing anything I wanted do, but now its different - I am being made to think about who would read it and what he/she would think about.
Today I finally started with the washing of my clothes. I did the first set today. I think I will have to do 2 more of them. I had accumilated more than 30 shirts and trousers. It was big task - I first had to wash some dirt out from collars and cuffs and then load them into the machine. It hardly took an hour once I switched the machine on. I will go for the next 12 clothes tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
I was the only student in the class. I never knew it would be even this way - they take a class even when only one student is present. I even have the facility of getting a class scheduled for me if I happen to miss any of the regular classes. And sitting alone in the class was a new thing for me. I had all my concentration with the lecture with nothing disturbing me. It was the same in the evening too when I was ther at 6:30. I wrote 3 more tests in the evening.
The classes are a lot different from what I see at my college. The lecturers here are more comitted towards the students and they give personal attention. They already know my name. I am constantly being asked if I am following. Unlike at the college, I will never think of anything else sitting in the class room here.
Yesterday in the college, after listening to some comment from my DBMS sir, I got some new thing in my mind - I dont care which section I am in, all I need is to finish my engineering as soon as possible. I know it will be hard for me to part from my friends, but this is exactly what I want. I am desperate to get away from this city and study at some very nice business school before I leave for US. I will give my best to be in US in the same city my sister will be.
I had a chat with her today and felt very good after that. We had lots of jokes and kept some old things away from the talk. But I told her that when we are in US - whenever it is - we are never going to talk about somebody. She said 'yes'. Then I told her that I am going to save this today's chat and she it to her if she talks on that. I even said that I will keep reminding myself again and again that I never have to talk about that somebody. Then we spoke on several things before she left. She said she ill be here in September.
So things are more clear for me now. After engineering, its MBA and then US. All I have to do is get through CAT, GD and PI successfully and put myself under a lot of strain for 2 years. And never allow myself get disturbed with any unwarranted things. I have hard ties ahead and I am alo worried about my performance at the college. I need to somehow keep the percentage above 75. This is a it of shame for me but things have mde me that way - settle for less. I blow away everything in a laugh. . ... thats the best way to hide things!
The class ended at 9 pm and thnx to a friend who has joined CL, I was home at 9:30 pm as he dropped me on his bike. His house is around 7 kilometers from mine.
I was just thinking what would happen to me if I fail to get through all this. There woul be no place for me to hide my face from myself. I dont have much to think about what others would say, but I cant face myself if anything goes wrong.
And I am in a grave problem if somebody is expecting something from me in the final year. I had given my words to that person saying something I meant will all my heart. I am going to break those words. I hope I am forgiven .... but by whom? Am I being silly? Phew! ... again.
In the picture of my school days, I am the rightmost person in the row second from down. It was taken in my 10th standard. The teachers, from left, are Mrs. Laxmi Krishnan, Mrs. Rupa Kulkarni, Mrs. Jukta Ahluwalia, Bro. Prabhakar Reddy, and Mrs. Pavitra …. I have forgotten the names of the last two of them. My favorite sir, Mr. E A Francis, who taught me English from class 8, is missing in the photograph. Even the most hilarious sir, Mr. Bakshi, who taught me Physics in class 10, is also not there. I don’t remember much of my school days except of some old memories that come into me when I am in some weird mood. I remember my first day to the school – on June 13th, 1990. Before that I had been to some school near my house at Mehdipatnam,
Today, after coming home I arranged all my books, put all old news papers in the right place, cleared my table, cleared my computer, and even arranged the shelf where I stack all my books and CDs. It looks nice now. I still have to put my clothes in the washing machine. I haven’t done it for the past 20 days and I have a big heap of clothes lying in some place in my parent’s bedroom. It will take two rounds of washing to clear them. Then I will have to give them for ironing to the laundry person who visits every Sunday. I haven’t gotten any of my clothes ironed in the last 2 weeks and I had been managing my clothes somehow by wearing them repeatedly. I usually don’t wear any shirt for more than once in 19 days. I think I didn’t do that – I broke a rule I had on myself.
As long as my books were lying on the divan in the living room, my parents were constantly after me – I knew they were right. But now, after I have put everything right, I didn’t even a word from them about that. I don’t want any praise about that, I just need to know that they have sent hat I have done the work.
I opened my computer today. I broke its guarantee seal. It already 11 months since that thing expired. I even broke my optical drive’s guarantee seal. I got to learn so many things from all this today. I removed the AGP card from my cousin’s PC and tried it on my computer. His mother board seems to have some problem. I tried his monitor with my CPU, and then my CPU with his monitor, tried things with the VGA ports, and finally concluded that it is his mother board that has some problem. I had my friend with me to assist me with all this.
I have been thinking about writing some poems for the last 3-4 days. I don’t know why I am not writing. Tomorrow I have to attend 2 classes at CL. One at 12 noon which will help me catch up with the syllabus I have missed and another at 6:30 pm which will be the regular scheduled class. I have found something interesting here in CL – if I miss some class, I can get it scheduled for myself at a time suitable for the instructor and me. I have never seen this kind of thing before given that I no institutes ever care for students who bunk any classes. It’s different here.
I have my first internals starting form Monday. After some serious thinking I found myself a bit of uncomfortable with 3 of the 5 subjects I have. I will give some brief reading for them tomorrow. I have to manage time properly in the coming days. I have many tings to learn. Its not enough that I call foolish – I need to work it out and change myself. I am thinking about it for several months. That’s all I am doing. God save me from my … whatever it is! … :D Huh!
I missed my afternoon class today just because some of my class mates told me that they are not going to attend it. I thought they would be no class and I left college for home. Later my friend told me that there was a class conducted and some students did attend it. I don’t want to miss any classes now; I have already missed a lot because of y cousin’s marriage, and several other things I am not convinced with.
Today I had a birthday party to attend. It was of a small girl who lives on the ground floor of my house. She is the daughter of my neighbor. They had invited us, but I didn’t fell like going. My mother scolded me and even my father wasn’t happy with me. Whenever my mother had not felt like going to some party, I was the one who used to shout at her. It was her chance this time. It is a compulsion that we attend a function when we have been invited – this is according to the holy Sunnath. I violated it today. I simply didn’t feel like going. I got a chicken roll for myself and had it sitting in front of the television. I hardly remember what I have seen on it.
But later after my parents and bother were back, my neighbors sent a few things for us - biryani, chocolate cake, etc.. I ate a little of these two too.
Now that I have arranged my books, there is some kind of new feeling in the living room. It looks a part of my house! Now, when I sit in front f the computer and turn towards my right, I find all the books aligned into the shelf evenly in respect to their sizes. It looks as if I am a very studious and a hardworking person!
The first book on the right is Linux 6 Unleashed. Then the next are Managerial Economics, C How to Program, Database System Concepts, Microprocessor Systems, Data Communications and Networking, A diary in which I store all the currency notes of various countries my father and I have collected over these years, then a book that is a collection of some 12 works by Khaleel Gibran (I don’t understand why he used to paint pictures portraying nudity – some of them are included in this book and it has always made me uncomfortable while I read it), Operating System concepts, Compact Oxford Reference, Personality Plus, Dictionary of Phrasal Verbs, Dictionary of Idioms, Northern Nights (I have ‘stopped’ reading it now), The Fountainhead, Rage of angels and Nothing Lasts Forever. Then there is the stereo that fits into my car’s music system followed by a telephone directly which only my father maintains. There is also the digital assistant (which is not working) lying in the corner.
I have written all this just to write something. It was interesting for me – writing what exists on my left when I sit in front of my computer - because this is what I see so frequently everyday. I have reviewed nothing in this post … I write this so many times, phew!There was some problem with blogger yesterday. Even today it did trouble me.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Today I went to buy books with my friend. Thnx to him; he helped me bargain - I am not good at it. Before buying the books we went to his house and also had chicken rolls. I reached home by 6:30 pm
In the morning I was at Career launcher's office. I have enrolled myself there and my classes will be on Saturday and Sunday - 6:30 tp 8:30 pm and 9:30 to 11:30 a respectively. I have taken this schedule so that even if I have any tests or exams going on in the college, I will not have to skip any classes here. Now after taking the admission, I feel something different, a kind of responsibility of the expectations my parents have from me. They dont know the size of my expectations I have frommyself and how badly I have been hurt in the past ....
I am now trying to relive some old dream I had.
Today a friend of mine asked me "what are YOU doing now a days?". The toughest question I had faced before was from a friend which was in reply to a very 'foolish' letter I had written in the month of October last year.
I do know what I am doing now a days. And I know that I am not supposed to do it. But I know what I will be doing in the days to come and I knwo that I am supposed to do that. I have compared somebody with me today, yesterday and even somedays back! I am still wondering who is better. Does anybody have a frank answer? I know people who know me have it!
Huh! ... too much is always bad!
I have been given some material by CL and I have already started reading it. They have also given me a magazine - Management Compass. I have read a few articles from it and I really found them of my interest. They are more fromt eh corporate world giving information about the present moves by many major companies int India and also the by the Indian government. There is also a section that speaks in short about the latest happening in India that can make some difference everywhere - all this just to prepare me for CAT. I am surely going to like it.
I was thinking that I really dont have somebody with me who would tell me about me so that I could turn myself into something much better. I always get different opinions and they come in packets which are hard to interpret. I know it is always difficult to be frank. I know even I am nt hat frank. But still ...
I also wanted to tell that I have stopped reviewing my posts on this blog before publishing them. There may be many spelling and gramatical mistakes. I dont feel like readin what I have written. I find it easier to write - rather!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tomorrow I may most probably take admission at Career Launcher. I was confused even till now, but I guess I have to take soem action and its for CL. I understand that its more of my hard work that would give results and not any institute. They can just guide me. Tomorrow I will leave home in the morning with my mother and we will directly go to CL's office. The office is at Amerpet and when I went there for the first time, it took me 35 minutes to search for it. I was feeling like a stranger to my own city. I was continously looking at the buildings around me searching for the place and I was feeling guilty because I didnt have my head down. I finally had to up them up and ask for the right location.
Today my father got some repair done to our car. There was soem noice coming formt eh front-left wheel whenever the car was being turned left. There was some problem with the axel an it has been fixed now. A complete wash couldnt be done as the person incharge of that at the place we take our car, wasn't present.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Today I got 16,000 rupees as promised by my mother. I am supposed to pay for the caoching classes for CAT which I may take up shortly. I feel some more tension in my heart with every day passin by and CAT 2007 nearing to me. I have to get through it somehow. Thats my basic goal for the present moment.
Today is supposed to be a night on which we are supposed to pray. To be frank, I never came across any concrete proof that it is mandatory to pry all night. It was more than 1400 years back that this particular night was blessed because our prophet (PHUH) was shown he heaven and manythings. It nice if people pray but taking it as a compulsion and staying awake awake all night is somehting like unfavorable. Allah should be always worshipped ... we dont need any special events for that.
So finally I posted the last thing in series on the blog I had made to wish my friend on birthday. I am really happy that I could do it as planned. But now I am afraid - I need to find a new thing when I have to wish some other friend!
I read about the cricket match between Pakistan and England. It has been said by some fools that it was an insult to Pakistan. Why do they want to get politics into cricket? Do they think cricket or any other game is played between countries? Dont they understand that its just the name of the countries that are involved? Loss of a team is a loss to that team and not the country. Why do people want to lose when they really have nothing to lose?
I bunked the morning class and spent time at the library doing some assignment which I was asked by my friend not to submit cos they had not done it. I was glad being with them. We were never asked by our mam for anything related to that.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Today I had no class in the evning. I came home a little early and my friend accompanied me. Later in the night I had soe long chat with him. I tried to be frank. All along the talk I had only one thing in mind ... huh! Damn it!
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Tomorrow I dont want to go to college, I dont feel like - I want to be alone for a day - but I will still go. I have to - ther is no rational reason, my attendance is less.
Yesterday we celebrated my friend' b'day. We got the gift, a bean bag directly delivered to the house. Then we went to the coffee day at Jubilee Hills in the afternoon. After that I went to the college to take prints outs of some lab and then to a friend's house. Later to y grandparents' house and back home.
Friday I didn't post anything because of a friend who hurt me. I asked to him to read my blog before sleeping and he said he is going to sleep early. I had wanted to write and vent out everything I had in my mind but I kept calm. I had to ... I was terrible. he said he believes me yes he also believes that I can lie. That means i am not a trust worthy person. This was the last thing I wanted to hear. At least from him.
Some months back my sister told me something - when you approach closer to the end of your professional course, you will clearly begin to understand who is your friend, your good friend, and your best friend, you will know who all are going to stand by you and who will leave you.
As she was saying this, I was thinking that she was wrong. I was thinking that I will never hav to see anything of such kind. I was wrong! Thanx aapi.
She was in Hyderabad for the last 3 days - shopping for her wedding scheduled in December. She came to my house in the morning today and I was overwhelmed to see her again. She said she will now be making up and down trips to Hyderabad regularly and she will definitely stay at my house sometime when she is here. I will be desperately waiting for that. My aunt, her mother, gave me a t-shirt. And also asked me to come to Gulbarga. My father never feels that way - he says its only when he wants, that I should go. The reason - I am too small to go without my parents. Am I so small or young?
Later today at 2 pm I went to the office of Career Launcher. I had written their test last Sunday and I scored a percentile of 84.57. They gave me some counselling kind of thing. I am going to join either TIME or CL in the next cmoing days. I had plans of joining this week itself, it got delayed as TIME has no batches starting at the moment.
Int he eveing my father took us for a drive. We went to some bakery on Rajendranagar road close to Bangalore Highway. I had some Pizza there. I am back home feeling something I dont like to.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Today I finally uploaded the spoof of a song my brothers have made on google videos. It seems to be still under some processing and the final video is not out for viewing yet. I am waiting for it. It took me around 3 hours to upload it. When I first started it, it got stuck after an hour of uploading. I had to start again. I am glad its over.
Today i came home at 7 pm and I will write about the reason why I was late on Saturday. I had a good day today with chats with many people mostly my cousines.
I am posting here an article written by my cousin on an organisation he is working with, He and even I are now interested in having this here in India too and we are working on it. We plan to get it registered with the government as an NGO. We stillhave a lot of paper work to do and it will take a while. Those interested can read on ---
"Suggested Headline: “ISN-TUNDUK”: Boon to Student Initiatives.
A Student of
Bishkek: Students’ are an important part of the society. They constitute the majority of the professionals in any country around the globe. Students’ have young, fresh and creative minds which can surely lead to the development of ideas that can be positive and helpful to the society, country and its people and the world. Many student organizations operate around the world and one such community was started in
Keeping this ideology in mind, Students’ from Kyrgyzstan, Russia, Turkey, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan, India and Pakistan etc. joined hands in hands to form an international cooperative community called as the ‘International Student Network’ “(ISN)-TUNDUK” here in Bishkek, the Kyrgyz republic. The meaning of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is: ISN means the international group of students from different countries including
The base which formed the office for ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ was officially granted free of cost representing its head office by International High School of Medicine, International University of Kyrgyzstan to promote student initiatives and fulfill their dreams.
First of all, it aims to contribute to the development of civil society in Central Asia by turning talents, skills and experience gained by student community to practical uses, such as cross-culture dialogue, improving educational standards for international diploma recognition, supporting poverty and encouraging tourism in
Secondly, the motto in this case is to make
Thirdly, ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is engaged in promoting English language and making members realize the importance of English and its use as an international dialect worldwide because all members and participants of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ speak in English. Books, Pamphlets, Guides, Text books and Dictionaries are a part of the ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ library which acts as tools in the promotion process.
Fourthly, ‘ISN-TUNDUK’ is engaged in the process of uniting students from various universities across
‘Adult population has experience and money but have no time for implementation of their good will in development but this is contrast in case of youth as they have time but no money’, ‘Kyrgyzstan has strong natural and political recourse for support of student’s activities’ says Dr. Elena P. Alekseeva who is a Pediatrician by profession but is the founder and expert member of ‘ISN-TUNDUK’.
“Students have the potential to perform activities that are profitable to the humanity, with much zeal and enthusiasm when compared to other professionals”, says Mir Ali Muhzamedziev general manager of a
Students who are in the medical field (doctors) have taken up the task of educating people towards AIDS awareness and other dangerous diseases, proper usage and dosage of drugs, sanitation and hygiene. “Informing people about the prevention of hazardous diseases is more important than its cure” says Radhika Namburi who is a 1st year student of medicine and member of “ISN-TUNDUK”. “People should be educated on using condoms and having safer sex and should be emphasized in the usage of disposable and sterile syringes to prevent AIDS epidemic” feels SMRK Sagar, 2nd yr student of medicine, also an active member studying in ISM, IUK.
Students constituting the economics, commerce and law field have taken the responsibility to educate the people on paying taxes on time, insuring themselves and setting up seminars and camps in order to make people realize the minus points of
Students in the engineering and biotechnology field give advice to people on new agricultural techniques, water conservation and ecological education and also keeping the people informed regarding internet and its usage. “People should learn how to use the internet which is the basic necessity these days to bring nations and people closer to each other” says Zain Javed, Pakistani student, also a member. “It is very important to guide the people regarding the pollution and how to recycle waste products for a healthier ecology” says Cholpon Junusova, student of
Active ISN-TUNDUK members and students such as Zain Javed and Moazzem of Pakistan and Girish, Prince and Mustafa of India have similar views. All student members actively take part in charitable activities organized regularly by ISN-TUNDUK in Orphanages and Old Age Homes. Members collect donations, old clothes, buy candies and chocolates and distribute them in these needy places in the suburbs of Bishkek and other cities across
ISN-TUNDUK is determined to make a contribution in strengthening democratic process, fostering freedom speech and media with its promotion in
Definitely the name of my cousin was there on top of this article but I had removed just to make it fit for my blog. I have a rule for not having any names on this blog - at least intentionally. There are many names in the above article and none of these respected are known to me. I have posted the complete article without reviewing it. But I do take its responsibility. The names here belong to the article and not my blog - I have nothing to do with them! I know I am a bit confused with what I am trying to write but whatever it is, it is with the best of intentions. There seems to be some problem with the formatting of this post - I dont have the patience to put it right, please.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
On Monday I had been to McDonald's with 10 more friends of mine. It was great being there with so many people.
Today I woke up t 12 and spent time with the newspaper. Yesterday night I had a good chat with my cousin on world politics and religion. I slept after 2 am. In the evening I browsed tens of websites trying for new things that work with blogs and webpages. I found many but not for the blogs I presently have in open.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Yesterday it was only after switching off my computer that I realised that I had forgotten to update this space. I didn't take the time to switch it on again and write the post.
Today morning I woke up around 8 am. I had my cousines visiting today and I was waiting for them to arrive. My mother cooked Chicken Biryani and left for my grandparents' house at 11:15 pm. My father went to his school - he had the Independence day celebrations there. My brother had plans to meet his old school friends at his school ang go out for a movie with them. He left home at 9 am but to my surprise he returned back without watching the movie - the friends who had promised to give him company didn't turn up. He played football with some of his other classmates and returned home.
My cousines arrived around 1:30 pm. After that I don't really remember how time passed by and when they left at 8 pm, I was already tired. i didn't do much but I felt somthing tiring. As decided we played on Playstation the game - 'Crash Team Racing'. The pic I have posted is a snap of that game.
After they left i went upstirs to the terrace. It was dark there when I entered the open, but when i was leaving, it seemed like a beautiful place dimly lit up by distant lights and some fainting moonlight. I just roamed around on the terrace walking one corner to another. I had several things on my mind, and everything gave me more bliss. Once I even stood at a place to feel if the pleasant breeze was from the west side or the east side of my house. It was confusing. There is a mad reason why I wanted to know the direction of the wind - anybody interested, please ask. I want to be asked about it! This time! Please.
Today, for the second time, I realised that I need to be more clear and cautious about what I write on this blog. One of my previous posts 'moody idiot' is now very famous among my cousins and my brother is spreading false things about me relating to that and creating a hype out of it. But still I need a place to write what I feel. i started this blog with that purpose. When i write something, it is a kind of my most personal feelings dissolved into the details of what all I do on that particular day. There are usually so many things I hide between what all I write here and I want to continue that. (These hidden things are like the codes and information which Dan Brown says Da Vinci used to hide in his paintings ... please don't laugh. i found this as a better explanation of 'hidden things'!) I simply cant stop with the reason everybody is reading it and creating a mockery. I dont mind anybody talking about it, but please, not in front of me! I feel embaracced.
Today I updated Flowing Emotions. I did it because i wrote here 2 days back that I am going to do it. I hardly had any mood to write but just forced it out and I am happy with that.
The last pic is that of my cousin sister's children. They live in Austin, Texas.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
I reached home around 3 pm and had my lunch. I slept after that.
In the late evening, at 9:25 pm we left for a restaurant. This was a vegetarian one. Its new and my father wanted to check out the food there. Its at Masab Tank - The Taj Exclusive. I liked the food and the dinner was fine.
Yesterday I took a novel from my cousin - "Northern Lights". I just read the first few pages andf ound that its too simple a novel for me to read. But I will go ahead with the complete and finish it in the next few days. In a day or 2 I will update my other blog - Flowing Emotions. The next post will be titled as "The King and The King Maker".
This coming week I have 2 holidays and I hope to make something productive out of it. On one of the days my cousin ha promised to come over to my house and we plan to play some games on Playstation! On Saturday we were recollecting the days when we used to play Playstation a lot and there was this particular game 'Crash team racing' which was our favorite. We had a craze for these games and my favorites were 'Ace Combat 2&3' and 'Driver 2'. There were other interesting games like 'tekkan 4', 'NFS 4', 'Resident Evil', and some James Bond games. I remember spending hours in front of the television. My cousin and I intend to relive those days on Tuesday or Wednesday!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Yesterday, after attending the wedding function I stayed at my aunt's house and spent some good time with my cousin who is here from Kyrgyzstan. We lay in the bedroom in the night in dark and began talking about our past days. The days when he used to live in Riyadh and come to India every year. Even my other cousins would visit India at that time of the year and we used to go out for picnics every Sunday. We would spend a lot of time together playing, shouting, enjoying. We recollected our visits to zoo, Srisailam and several other places.
Those days are gone and they will never come. My cousin will leave for some other country after his medicine in Kyrgyzstan and I will be somewhere else after some years. My other cousins will have their own way - USA of course. We may never be at one place again for years to come and there hardy seems any probability that we will get together again at one place, at one time. We had some serious talks in the night yesterday.
Before that we both went to Hi Tech city in the night itself. It was around 12 midnight when we were back home. It was mesmerising moving around in the night on the empty city roads.
In the last 10 days I feel I have learnt many new things and I feel glad about it. There were some big changes in my mindset and I realised how naive I was all this time. All this is basically because of my uncle and my sister. Even my elder cousin brother left a big mark on me. I am feeling better after a lot of time and I know this is here to continue. I am back to my prayers at their best again and this reminds me of my days a couple of years back.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Today I started reading an e-book on WTO. I read a few pages and liked it a lot. Then I read a short booklet, an e-book again, on stocks and stock markets. It was a small 13 pages thing and I enjoyed the information.
Tomorrow I have to attend a marriage function and my parents said they r in no mood to hang out this week. They have asked me to go with my othere cousines. So if I go tomorrow, I may miss an update here. I will b staying back at my aunt's place in the night.
Today I had my last class at 12:30 pm. Our lecturer was on leave and we were left free with no other lecturer interested in taking a class.
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
After coming home I slept for a couple of hours and thats the reason I am still awake. Its 11:30 pm already and from today I will start sleeping a little early. I will try to wake up early too!
Presently I have headphones on me and I guess I have finally learned to type with music still going on in my ears. Untill a few months back I always used to do some mistakes with the language while writing, but now its alright.
Today I still had some memories of the Sunday I spent with my cousines in the bus while going to Karimnagar; even my time in Karimnagar. It was like a special gap created in my routine that gave me a lot of happiness and some understanding of where I was going and where I am supposed to go. A very special thanx to 3 people - my uncle, my cousin brother and my cousin sister.
Whenever somebody says something good to us, we say that that person has made our day. Some years from now I am going to say that my cousin sister has made my life. She will always remain the best person in my life. (Its ridiculous, there are so many things that are to be done 'some years from now'. Such a shame on me)
Today my brother bought a radio home. He has got a new craze now. I hope he doesnt get carried away with that.
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
The next day, Saturday, too it as raining and when I went to the college I found very few people and again there were no classes. I was back home by 12 noon. I went to my grangperants' house then. I spent the day without thinking much and trying not to wonder anything. I was fine.
Sunday morning I had to leave for Karimnagar to attend my cousin's reception. I woke up early, got ready and went to my uncle's house. It was from there that the hired bus was supposed to pick us up and take us to Karimnagar. I had almost all my cousins there except for a few who had to attend some other functions back in hyderabad.
More than half of the journey I sat alone in the bus. All my cousins and 2nd cousins were enjoying sitting in the back seats. They were shouting, singing, and enjoying the music that was being played. I didnt like to be with them and do all this. I found more happiness in being alone. Every now and then one of my cousins would come and sit beside me, ask me to come back, i would tell him that I would be there in some time, and he would leave. When Karimnaga was an hour away, we took a break at a dhaba. While getting in my cousin sister asked me to come back. I was there with her and another cousin till the rest of the journey.
We finally reached Karimnagar at 7 pm and by the time we entered the function it was already 9:15 pm. I spent a lot of time with my cousin brother who is a doctor. He told me several things about medicine in India and all the malpractices by college managements and the pharmaceutical companies. He shared many of his experiences with me. I was overwhelmed to know all that. We had a good time together. After the photo session we went to see my sister's house in Karimnagar. We finally left Karimnagar and I reached my home at 6:10 am. That was Monday morning. I slept at 6:30 am and woke up at 1:10 pm. I had no chance of going to the college. I also had fever.
On my journey back home in the bus, I was with my sister. We were surrounded by all our cousins who were dancing, singing and trying to do everything they could. I had some very nice talks with her even with this noice going on. She told me several things. She made me realise several things. She always makes me feel nice whenever we talk. Now she is back in Gulbarga. She is busy with her internship of BDS.
I didn't go to the college even today. I was feeling weak and my mother insisted that I should take rest. I spent most of the time sleeping.
When I gave my last posting here, I had forgotten that there are many people who are reading it. Many of my cousins read it and asked me what had happened that day. I called myself a 'moody idiot' and everybody understood in some worng context - not in the one I had intended to call myself that. There are things I can't expect them to understand, and there are things i don't want them to understand. I am better off unclear with all this. But when things go closer to speculation, I need to be a little cautious. I guess I will think twice before I write anything on this blog from now on!
When I was sitting alone in the bus on Sunday, and was not coming back to sit with my cuzns, they all started shouting 'blogger'. At first I didn't understand what they were doing. When I understood that it is 'blogger' they were shouting, I froze, and kept quiet. Somebody shouted 'he is not understanding', and they all stopped. I was relieved. But I felt nice in a way :D
This picture was taken by my brother. He fell in love with my forehead. There are few more pics that were taken last week on my family blog. The ones taken in Karimnagar will be posted soon.
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Then I thought of adjesting my system's subwoofer and for that I had to move the table a little. This created a 'screechy' noice. My mother shouted "what happened?" I calmly replied "nothing". Sheasked again. I didn't know how much of my voice was reaching her. I shouted out back aloud "nothing". I sat back on the chair. But my father came running to me. He was looking angry, and started scolding me for shouting so loud at my mother. He seemed to be very angry and my mood since evening began to talk with me - I was just thinking about it to myself - "please slap me father, no matter what the reason is. I want to be punished for everything I have done, felt or feeling, or have been through." I wanted to hurt myself physically and I wanted my father to do it for me.
After I had told him that it was thesecond time that I had to shout aloud cos my voice was not reaching, he turned back and walked away. It looked as if he was just trying to show some anger and he was not at all angry.
Now, the reason that I have written the above was just to show how I was feeling in the evening today. It has got nothing to do with my fahter. I just wanted somebody to hit me. It was a coincidence that my father got angry but even that didnt work for me. I wanted myself to be punished for several reasons. But I am fine now. I wrote a poem and read it several times. It made me feel better.
Somedays back I just asked myself why I was writing this blog. I go the answer immidiately - so that I can read it after a few years and laugh at myself - for obvious reasons so obvious that I cant put them here!
I really really wanted to update Flowing Emotions today - I had wanted it yesterday too. But I couldn't, actually I didn't. I have thought about a few things for this new post and I want it to materialise it soon. Tomorrow I have my sister's wedding to attend so even tomorrow I may not be able to do it. How much I wish I could write whenever I want - I always have to wait for the right inspiration and mood. I am turning into a moody idiot.