Nobody has ever measured, even poets, how much a heart can hold.- Zelda Fitzgerald
I always hated going to school back in India. I remember rejoicing even very small changes in routine whenever they happened - not going to home after school some times and instead to my father's shop which he used to run many years back, to some relative's house or for shopping. I would wait all through the week, counting days, for Saturday to come so that I could go to my grandparent's house. It was an almost same routine for 12 long years. There were financial constraints, things I had to enjoy only by looking at them and dream. I am happy those days are over. I remember something very important my mother wanted me to learn: "never spread your legs beyond the limits of your blanket".
Once in a blue-moon my father used to pick me up from school. I waited for such days. The days seemed too long. After a painful wait, I used to run after the class to the parking lot searching for my father. I always knew where he was going to park his scooter. And from distance I would see him and forget the whole world. I used to try controlling my lips but they smiled uncaring the moment I saw him. He used to have his dark glasses on and I could smell the sweet scent of his aftershave 'Old Spice' the moment I went close to him. He would then take me to his shop and back home late in the evening. The same lousy, heartbreaking and tiresome routine would continue from the following day.
The hope of a better future kept motivating me. I somehow knew everything I wanted was going to come someday. I still can't believe how important every single Rupee was to me just a decade back. Using Dollars seemed strange initially; I was converting them into Rupees before buying even bananas. It's different now alhamdulillah. I, now have finally come to understand what's expensive and what's worth the stuff I am buying. Everywhere we go, wisdom is in adjusting to things we cannot change and changing things that must be changed. I am learning where to cut and where to set it loose. Loving includes knowing when to hold on and when to let it go.
Monday I slept at 7 am and got out of bed at 5 pm though had an alarm on my phone for 2 pm initially which kept getting added by an hour twice. Tuesday I slept at almost 8 am and woke up at 4 pm. I had to attend a class at 5:30 pm. There are days I go with less than five hours of sleep. Then there are days I take 10 to 12 hours for the indulgence. The only times I am bothered is when I am not able to do what I am supposed to do and what I want to do. I am not the only one here living this way. I at least have a few days I sleep only for five hours. I know many who indulge even more all through the week. It's 5:05 am right now and two of my room mates are awake.
I don't like the English I am using while writing blog-posts these days. Though I have no problem in expressing what exactly I intend to, it's way to simple. Though I have used some vocabulary in the past even I don't understand now, I believe having a good vocabulary means being able to make the other person understand precisely what you intend to let her know. But even then, I am being too simple and I don't like it. But I guess it shouldn't matter if I remember the premise of my blog. I love the school I am going to now.
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