March 6th

I always wondered, when a butterfly leaves the safety of its cocoon, does it realize how beautiful it has become? Or does it still just see itself as a caterpillar?" 
- The Air I Breathe (2007)

It's not that I can't write a few paragraphs daily. There was a time when I was writing every day for several months in succession. Two out of five times I start writing I start with seeing myself trying to kill the feeling of being poetic in my words. It's not the outcome that I am afraid of. It's simply not a pleasant thing to be writing a poem for what all goes through as a thought process is unpleasant. Not writing an impressive poem is just about another thing. And it's not that smooth to have something in mind and give something else in words. It's not faking; it beats the purpose of archiving thoughts.

In the past week I worked for almost 44 hours in total. It's manageable alhamdulillah. Though Google Maps says it takes 32 minutes for one-way journey I mostly manage it in under 30 minutes. The speed limit on the freeway I use is 60 miles but keeping in tune with the traffic flow pushes it beyond 65. Usually on my return journey I take 70 and stay alert looking for flickering blue and white lights. They always increase my heartbeat. Though I have perfect documents, insurance and license alhamdulillah, I prefer staying away from cops. But when I am not driving, the sight of a police man makes me feel safer.

It feels awesome when I press the gas on the v6 engine. The sound it makes, the acceleration it gives and the happiness it gives is mesmerising. It was so different when I used to drive on a v2 back in India. Even the v4 I had for a few days never gave so much fascination. Of course there are several cars on the roads with v8 in them; I don't think much about them. There will be time for many other things inshAllah. I remember my friend used to tease me telling I miss the adventure of riding bikes. When he gets to drive something like this inshAllah he will know what he has been missing. I see sport bikes here, I love the sound they make and the speed they travel at but I never think of riding them. My cousin had one and he once asked me to take a try. I said I never learned to ride bikes.

My brother went against my parent's directions that we shouldn't ride two-wheelers. Even as my mother kept asking him to keep away from them he continued and tried almost every kind of bike available on Hyderabad's roads. Yesterday alhamdulillah he got a brand new bike as a birthday gift from my mother. I am more excited than I was when I bought a car here. Though I am worried about the traffic in Hyderabad and my brother's safety and also the fact that my parents themselves went ahead with something they had always kept me away from, I am glad my brother owns a bike now. It's his birthday today. He is 18.

We had a career expo today at the university having 93 companies visiting. All of them were looking for students and alumni to fill co-op and internship positions. A small number of them were willing to take students with F1 status. I reached the place with my room-mate friend 30 minutes before closing. Then most important thing I needed was the list of all companies with the details of the vacant positions they had so that I can apply for them online. I dresses up fully formal and felt like myself again after so many days. The American lady at the check-in desk complimented at my shirt even while I have a messy looking beard and long hair like I have never kept before . Alhamdulillah I had so many wonderful looking shirts but hardly would I get any compliments in India. Strangers at times are sweet. Here, giving compliments is never flirting even if the other person is a complete stranger.