Some months back six boys were suspended from my college. I don't have the knowledge of what followed after their suspension and the number of days they were out. But there was one person who was made very famous (if famous is the right description to give) - the girl who got those guys suspended. Her complain was that those guys 'approached' her; whatever that was supposed to mean!
Everybody was pointing at her whenever she passed by. Nobody asked for those six guys. But this girl became well-known. I didn't see her and so I can't recognise her if she comes in front of me now, but I can talk about several people who know a lot more about her. I really can't say what perception they would have of her.
Some days back I came to know that there was a person who had considered complaining about me and getting me suspended too. The point in mentioning the above incidence is that I don't know what kind of guys those six people were. I also don't know if what they did was punishable. I don't know if there was any enquiry made by the college's management into what exactly had happened. And because of this lack of knowledge, I can't comment anything about that girl. All I can say is that she lost her respect. Whatever the facts said, the truth was her image. Nobody knows the six guys.
Yesterday I was with four of my friends at a restaurant after 'iftaar' and for almost 30 minutes we discussed my suspension from the college which never really took place. Though I heard from my friends things I couldn't contemplate - the opinions were varied - I returned home and spent time on understanding. I even prayed for wisdom.
I compared several possibilities. I could fight it myself but girls are always trusted in the society I come from. A girl is always right. Someday if I go and complain that some girl is causing trouble to me, I would invite trouble for myself. But when a girl complains, nobody would try finding the truth; they will punish the guy. Here is where parents will come in. The focus should be on the truth that they would be my parents and not of college or that girl. They will be with me. I know how to shout. I know how to hide secrets and spin the truth. And yes of course, I remember the dialogue from the movie 'Thank You For Smoking', "when you are arguing right nobody can prove your wrong".
I know I was never wrong. Maybe I was unreasonable, but I never went against any rule. I never teased anybody, I never tortured anybody, I never ragged, I never caused any physical harm. I never spoke to that person as well. I wonder what case she would have presented against me. Was she going to show some papers to the college management telling that I have given them to her? Did she think they won't read it? And as a reminder, there was no name written on those three sheets of paper.
In his book, 'How to Win Friends and Influence people', Dale Carnegie says that an argument can never make me win over the other person. And by the ethics I intend to keep, I would have never tried to spin any truth, but I would have rather presented more facts. People don't understand truth. When truth is spoken, they get divided. They start having their own views. It would be a separate thing to mention here that that girl never had the courage to talk to me directly face to face. She can get support, sympathy and empathy from any number of people, but nobody can prove me wrong or bad. I don't understand why people forget God. Don't they think before they open this mouths?
'Facts - Truth' has been the theme of my posts in the recent days. I kept dissolving that unpublished post in these posts and I suppose I have done it well. I stand for all I have written. Anybody interested is welcome to start ihatezubair.blogspot.com if they will. I never asked anybody to become my girlfriend. I spoke about commitments; I spoke about responsibilities; I spoke about respect; I spoke about what was perfectly legal. I did this through my parents in the best respectable manner it could be done. I didn't do any 'shit'.
If some people don't know me, don't know what all I have done, I find no reason why they should take sides and support anybody. Yesterday one of my friends said something he had told me once more than two years back - he said something about my taste. He even said that if I had been successful in what I tried for, it wouldn't have been worth all that. I asked him if he could say this in front of everybody. I don't know if he didn't hear my question or if he avoided answering it.
Whenever I think of such things, I am reminded of the fox who termed the grapes as sour when he couldn't get them! I am not like that. I can always write my victories and defeats here. And I can present them well - as the title says.
I can never hate a person for more than a day. I tried that several times. I couldn't keep myself with a grudge for any person for more than 24 hours, I could just preserve some words and reproduce them. And if I talk of hatred, it would take away from me the right of talking about love. It's love that erases the hatred from me. It's not in me to cause to hurt anybody. If somebody thinks that he or she is getting insulted or defamed because of what all I am writing here, the person is free o talk to me. Directly - face to face.
I know I had intentions of desecration, but I never executed them. I dissolved my anger in my words. I just wrote what I could opine and perceive of. That's the objective of my blogs. I can as well write all this in a personal diary, but I am not a person who is too shy to hide himself in a shelf. Even if I write very bad about a person, it should be noted that I am the one who wrote that letter and "This Is Madness". I wish I could live it all my life. But it's time to face the truth.
I know how divided people can be. How even my closest people can think that what I have done was not right but still be with me just because they have been with me always. I know how I myself do it several times. I also know how wonderful it feels to see that there are people who stand by me. But I don't understand how people can think that I am wrong when there are more people who think that I was never wrong. Is it that these people supporting me are fools? Or is it that considering suspending me was wise? If considering it was wise, then what would doing it be?
I wish I never had to write all these things here. But my blog is the only thing that would listen and be with me. I need to let things out. I am driven by my ego. I love myself the most. The problem only came in once. And it won't happen again. I am living for my dreams now and I am not worried about the time they are going to take. I am my only responsibility. I don't work now to make my parents proud. I am here for myself.
I apologise if I was in bad taste anytime but I don't regret it. I did what had to be done. And I will do what needs to be done. No matter how long it takes. I am learning what money is. I am learning what love is. I am learning how they can go together. I seek wisdom from Allah. I know how terribly wrong I can be.
6 comments:
Some posts make me despise myself. This was one of them. But I had to write it.
As long as things remain the way they are now, I am not going to take up these topics again.
The whole post was referring to only one person. I hope nobody relates anybody else to anything I have mentioned.
If writing this makes you despise yourself, why do you still write such stuff? Isn't it against your self-respect and integrity???
And, its sad to note that you use such a good medium to make digs at people and to get back at them.
You write all about your faith and Islamic stuff, this post doesn't go down well with it!
Plus, I figured out from your previous posts that you love the girl you're making a hit at! Love?? You sure?? Don't you care about her dignity and respect? If yes, then it doesn't show here. This post makes you sound as a very self-centered person without any regard for your so-called love.
Just writing about your feelings and letting people know in your words is not a big deal. Doesn't reflect in your actions.
Sad!
Oh! The posts are moderated, so my previous comment would never be put up! What a waste of time and energy!
well i wonder what miss.eloquence wants to say???.... this is a blog which the owner writes for himself n not for others.....so where is he having a dig n hit at a girl..... is he doing publicity of his blog ??..no....he writes this blog for himself n a handful of his own ppl just to vent his emotions.... so tht his own ppl ll come to noe in what state he is..... i dont think he gave his link to u n ask u to read what he writes??....
n he has never ever taken any name in his blog so how does tht effect the dignity n respect of some1??
n miss. i dont think u noe the entire story n u r just commenting to tht post....any1 would do tht....even i being his frnd never supported him in all this....but when there r accusations made tht to wrong 1s n certain things which r not brough to his notice when they were supposed to ......wont a person go bonkers??....am sure u would have had u been in his position....when u come to noe something was hidden from u for period of time....which had it been brough to ur knowldege would have resulted in stopping many things from happening wont u b angry??.... i mean come-on tht 1 thing would have changed the entire proceding.... so miss. u noe nuthin g n u r just commenting....
n islamic stuff when has he written abt islamic stuff....hes as much islamic as u if not more...but he hasnt written anything here.......love???...how much do u noe abt love???...what love which girl??...how can u tell how much some1 else loves a person ....so u have no right to talk abt love...
self-centric???....whats tht a perosn who is more worried abt himself or a person who is not bothred abt others???? .....how much do u noe abt the owner of this blog???...just by reading his blog u think u noe him....this blog is for himself n for his own ppl....a place where he writes stuff for his ownself n not for some1 else.....
"Just writing about your feelings and letting people know in your words is not a big deal"....i dont noe what u mean by this....he hasnt taken any name so theres no chance of some1s respect goin out of order cos who noes abt the girl??...n u said letting every1 noe??...u kidding?where did he advertise abt his blo???.... u came across it u liked it n u r reading it...but personally u noe nuthin abt him ....so just stop having a go at him..... weather he is wrong or right whaever he has been he is learnin n he ll learn n he needs no help from ppl who dont noe him personally
:)
being a frnd i hv alwayz supported him but not all his actions...so hopefully am clear to d angry readers of this blog....all i can say is ...u can luv xubayr...u can hate xubayr....but u can never ignore xubayr!
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