Why kill you now, Prince of Troy, with no-one here to see you fall?
- Achilles in Troy
Police officers go through de-escalation training - mostly. But they all know and understand, when they are able to think right, that they should attempt to de-escalate - they are trained for it. But when they are in situations that put them under pressure, when they know they have a weapon with them, and when they know the subject they are dealing with isn't looking at them with an intent to cooperate, it's hard for them to remember their training - it could be harder to think of the possibilities in that moment in time. It's hard to remember that the idea of de-escalation exists. And failure begins.
The general population is not trained to de-escalate; forget the idea of them even knowing that they could be trained. And the few who know the value, never get the opportunity; or the time. Nobody goes through learning how to deal with people who are going through depression, few go through any training that tells them what to do when their spouse isn't treating them well, and I never heard anyone being trained on how to perform under a manager who is self-serving. Has anyone been coached on what to do when their favorite Republican turns out to be a pedophile - almost?
Knowledge that patience is a virtue is wisdom - but every wisdom breaks when there's a weapon pointed at somebody you care, when a loved one is yelling at you - with an intention to emotionally hurt you, or your most important employee is at their most toxic behavior. Who is trained to show wisdom when a teenager driving a sports car cuts in front of you and brakes? Patience will always be a virtue, but it is of no help when that idea doesn't come to you in time and gives you the opportunity to show it. And failure begins.
We need reminders - and training. We need to be told - told to remember, told and be reminded in time when the situation doesn't allow us to think right. When the situation gets under our skin; when it pushes us to make mistakes; when saying the most dangerous thing seems to be the most satisfying answer to your spouse; when giving a strong rebuke to a toxic email seems to be the perfect response; or honking at that young car driver feels like a revenge. It is in those moments that we need the reminder - of patience.
If there was training to recognize prejudice, bias and wrong judgements, that training would be dull and boring. Few learn such skills. Few learn to listen and read and truly understand without building incorrect opinions. Few learn the wisdom of knowing they don't know, and that they don't always need to know. That there is no value in reacting. That the true value is in patience. And in the belief of the God who knows when the final day is.
