So, this is the 350th post - the fact. Yesterday's post was 350th in true sense. I mention this in case there is anybody who doesn't understand the point I take as a difference when I mention truth and facts as different entities. Facts are the objects that can verily be used to obscure any idea or event. Statistics too are of similar category. Facts hide the truth. Facts prolong judgement. Facts prevent clear understanding of the truth. An intelligent person knows how to use facts to prove any fallacy as acceptable. But truth stands alone - it needs no facts to be proven correct. A truth itself is an ultimatum that is bound to prevail and succeed.
Today I got XAT's form. This will be the end of deciding what tests to take. The next idea is to decide on the colleges I must apply for, and that largely depends on my preparation. I will wait for a few more mocks before I finalise the list of the colleges I will try for and until then it's just sit and study. I simply have no other option. I didn't do anything substantial today apart from getting the form. It took me more than 2 hours to reach home in the evening given the heavy, slow-moving traffic. It was my turn today to get the snacks and even after being very tired, I had to do my work. I slept for an hour immediately after the 'iftaar'. I reached home around 9:45 pm after the prayers.
I am hoping to crash out by 12:30 am. Yesterday it was almost 1:30 am, and the night before it was 2 am. The whole sleeping sequence has been turned upside down. Perhaps that's how I learn things - letting things go up side down then salvage from them. Engineers are expected to work in shifts; I have seen that when I was in Genpact. Being there was a wonderful experience - I learnt by shear observation. The way people work, their psychology, the corporate working, the money behind it, the money spent on petty things just to keep up with some principle decided by the corporate, the management of thousands of people, the management of the system - it was all an experience for me. But nothing was up side down there except for the shifts which seemed to be.
But when I do a job I would not like myself to be there as an engineer. If I end up at Infosys, I would feel exactly how Howard Roark felt when he had to work at Peter Keating's firm. I have related myself to this experience of Howard Roark from the novel 'Fountainhead'. Though it can all sound absurd that I put it this way, it helps me define things. I cannot put all my thoughts into words, and so, using a language of this sort helps. Books and ideas do teach us different languages which become far more complex than the ones we use for general conversation. They work at an emotional level as if triggering some critical corners of the brain and explaining us perceptions which couldn't have been made more lucid in any other way. The book that made me aware of such languages, though I had been already using them, was 'Who Moved My Cheese'.
Today, another thought that passed by me gave a little unrequited pain. The thought was rather a reminder of a fact that things still remain in me and I need to blow every bit of them out of my heart. It will be like cleaning every corner of a box using a blower, and making it void of even a single particle of dust. The blowing for this purpose must be done regularly until there is nothing more left to be targeted - and it can't be done in a single go. Even a single bit can later cause to become a hindrance. Every corner must be checked. I was reminded how I used to pray for the well being of some person and how I was termed as 'shit' in return.
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