Monday, May 22, 2006

I am losing my productivity ... I want to do so much

Yesterday evening it was again great spending some time outside with my relatives around. The reception too was wonderful with great food. I got to meet some distant relatives too and had some good interaction with a couple of them. Always feels great to meet my people.

After I came back I again spent some time on the internet. But I went to bed a bit early, at 12:30 am. That was not all yesterday. I remember being awake till 2 am. I don't know, I just didn't feel like sleeping.... I kept myself lying in the dark thinking and thinking and not sleeping. I woke up at 4:20 am again ... I wanted to perform the morning prayers but got into a deep sleep to wake up at 9. I again slept for sometime in the afternoon.

I don't want to sleep so much. I want to read and write so many things. I am just not getting the right kind of motivation and the reason to do so. Being at home with nobody asking for me is like the sun standing in the center of the solar system and yet being alone. (this thing has a lot of depth in it, hope I am NOT clear!!!)

I have come up with many topics and I want to put them in words. I know that once I start writing it won't be a task anymore and after I complete writing I will wonder how easy it was. A start is all I need.

Looking back, in retrospect, a few memories ... I am still fighting'em. The more I feel myself alone, the much worse it gets. I used to have someone with me when even I used to feel alone, now I find only me and my shadow that refuses to fade even in the dark. Anyways I hope I enjoy this too. It is just a matter of time before things change. Life moves on and I shall spearhead that movement into the direction commanded by my free will.

I will be a bit busy for the next 3 days ... friends of course. I am looking forward to this.

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