I had a time with my old friends today. We had plans of bigger things but we ended up with 'shawarma' and 'haleem'. I reached home after 11:30 pm after leaving at 8:15 pm. It was sad that we couldn't go out to any restaurant. I was at a friend's house most of the time.
I am thinking of not writing this Sunday's mock test. I will stay home study and have a bigger hope on the next Sunday's. After scoring 81.51 percentile in the previous one I realized that the way I am going right now needs to be rechecked. This test had multiple correct options for each question and my accuracy was 33%. The last time though it was above 50% my percentile was a bit less. I have to break into 90s to stay in the game. It's a failure in CAT if one can't score above 90 percentile.
On Wednesday there was a lovely 'iftaar' and dinner party at a friend's house. Unfortunately two of our friends weren't present there. We had a good time right from afternoon till 9:15 pm. It was a wonderful evening spent with friends. I know there are less than eight months for us to be together. It's all over after that. We will be on our own ways with only the memories of four fantastic years spent in the college.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Code Green
I had a lovely chat with a college friend just now. We don't talk much but whenever I meet him in the college I know he is not mediocre. He has something different in him that makes me like him. He is applying for MS and has to frame a Statement Of Purpose (SOP) for that. I hoped to help him directly but because I had no idea how exactly an SOP looked like, I went on to explain him the importance of having a purpose in life. I wished I could be of more help to him. I told him how easy it is to have a purpose and write about it when we have clear images of what we are from inside.
I once discussed with a friend about a quote he said - "anything worth learning can never be taught". I remembered reading something like - "you have sit alone; in the corner of a room; think, understand and learn". These things can never be explained to everybody. Not all understand how important it is to spend time sitting in the corner of a room. Not all realize the importance of logical soliloquy. More than half of my day goes in that. And before I head to bed in the nights, I spend time talking positivity with myself.
I had a party to attend in the evening. An old friend invited me for 'iftaar' and dinner. He will be doing his project in Indo-American Cancer Institute and he was telling me how excited he was. He is a student of Bio-Technology. He gave me home-grown mangoes to take home.
I once discussed with a friend about a quote he said - "anything worth learning can never be taught". I remembered reading something like - "you have sit alone; in the corner of a room; think, understand and learn". These things can never be explained to everybody. Not all understand how important it is to spend time sitting in the corner of a room. Not all realize the importance of logical soliloquy. More than half of my day goes in that. And before I head to bed in the nights, I spend time talking positivity with myself.
I had a party to attend in the evening. An old friend invited me for 'iftaar' and dinner. He will be doing his project in Indo-American Cancer Institute and he was telling me how excited he was. He is a student of Bio-Technology. He gave me home-grown mangoes to take home.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Nothing Motivates Like An Insult
When India's cricket match with Pakistan was drifting towards Pakistan, my mother on seeing me very tensed asked me to pray for our victory. I asked her if there was something I can get if my country wins. She replied "happiness". I said that I would rather pray for happiness than a victory. It's the desire and not the object.
I wanted not to react to the comment by Ms. Eloquence. And I am sure it is a 'Ms.'. But having read another comment, from a dear friend this time, I think I should get to some serious writing. He spoke in my defense and he almost got me into tears. He has been one of those who tell you if there is anything wrong you are doing but will stay with you no matter what happens because you are his friend. And I am blessed. The comments are on my post "My Keyboard Is Mightier". http://xubayr4.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-keyboard-is-mightier.html#comments
I don't like eating many vegetables; I don't like so many milk products; I hate curds. Perhaps Ms. Eloquence thought that I would eat her if she faced me directly. Ask any person who has spoken to me, I have never eaten anybody till now. I can write several words here, start a fight, ask many people to talk, but that won't be a part of my objective. If she could come and talk to me directly, I would use all my facial expression, integrate soft smiles, a few laughs and of course some sweet words to let her know that I don't eat human beings. And especially because she is a girl, I would never even think of raising my voice.
The accusation was that I am defaming a girl. I hope I am appropriate in using the word 'defaming'; I don't want anybody to tell me "hey, how can you take up words by yourself? she never said you were defaming anybody."I won't care for such people. I wonder how that girl about whom I have written so much would feel after reading all this; especially after reading that she is being supported by an eloquent person. If I were in this girl's place, I would have done so much. But she is sweet, intelligent and sensible. She hasn't reacted yet.
Some months back - I think it's almost a year now - I wrote a lengthy post blasting at a close friend. I wrote so much about him. He replied with a short comment. He just showed me how much he cared for me and how we are always going to be friends. We never fought. It was a step towards a stronger relationship. I once wrote about another friend too. But we still are friends. We are friends because we respect each other and we know what each of us is. We have spent hours together - in every mood possible. We know we are going to stand for each other. If Ms. Eloquence is playing some proxy with me, I am glad that girl has a good friend to support.
Coming to the support idea - even my friends support that girl. I say that with a smile and a chuckle. Why will I not? I know I have been a lot unreasonable than anything else. But I didn't do anything bad. I just got the first impressions wrong. And they were so wrong that they never let me have more chances. I appreciate the way she took everything. Just that she could have been more straight forward. No matter what I write about her, I respect her. I won't use the word 'love' because I am sure even Ms. Eloquence must have shouted at people she loves in her life. I respect that. Not all of us understand love. Great poets have died trying to put love in comprehension.
When I read the comment first, I wanted to reply with the teasing smiley ( :P ). Then I thought that would make her angry. And I feared that I would loose a reader. I also considered writing "did your mamma not tell you that cowardice is unIslamic?" Then I thought it would sound like a personal comment. I can't make personal comments on people who are good. I should rather go for what they have written.
For long we have read our syllabus books and many others too and all of them have dictated facts on us. We had to accept them and reproduce them. We had to take them as knowledge and learn from them. So, maybe when somebody sits to read my blogs, he/she might think that this is some script that is being enforced on him/her. She would simply fail to understand that they are all perceptions, private words, opinions, emotions - they can never be enforced. I am not writing doctrines here. Neither am I writing lyrics for songs or scripts for any television series.
I felt bad when Ms. Eloquence said she was possibly wasting her time and energy when she thought I won't accept her comment. She wanted to tell me something and even if I don't accept the comment, I would in any case read it. Did she want it to be public? It was her decision to write that. Perhaps she was angry at me. I take it as inherently justified.
That last word 'sad' spoke more than just sadness. The last time there was no limit to my sense of humor was around a year back when I was playing even with brickbats. One of my friends always says that my name should have been 'joker'. Now I know reading all this can make her wonder if she can use this to strike at me. I just write this to show that I am not as serious as I look or my blogs look. At home I am called 'junglee', 'devdas', 'strange', and so much. I enjoy that. I couldn't enjoy that 'sad'. I couldn't understand what made HER so sad.
Girls are sweet. They are nice. They are caring. They are hardworking. They are more matured than guys of their age. I often trust their wisdom. I have five of them as very close friends of mine and they have taught me a lot. I have taken their advice all through. Just because I accept their superiority. I am not a chick just saying 'quack, quack' on my blog. I am not laying eggs here. I am putting in words what I feel. If I start writing everything I think, I am sure I will have to bring in bigger animals as examples.
But I don't have any girlfriends. My parents tell me that even if I have a girlfriend I should be proud of that and keep it an open secret. I don't know how much they mean it when they say that, I am never going to to have a girlfriend. That word sounds good but I don't like the idea. Girlfriend. 'yuk'! I have a big smile on my face right now with teeth visible to the computer screen. I have friends and I love them.
I know what it means when we say 'a girl's respect'. I know it means more than 'a guy's respect'. Because we all know and take it for granted that guys are shameless. Now, don't ask me why it is taken for granted. Maybe because they can remove their shirts and behave like Salman khan even when they are no good than Abhishek Bachchan. But I am Syed Zubair Hasan. I can be infinitely boring. But I am not self-centered in the way it was referred in the comment. I wouldn't be writing any blogs if I were self-centered. If I am confronted with, I can show a childish face, give the sweetest possible smile I can make and explain with the tone of my voice that I am not like how Ms. Eloquence perceived me to be.
I wanted not to react to the comment by Ms. Eloquence. And I am sure it is a 'Ms.'. But having read another comment, from a dear friend this time, I think I should get to some serious writing. He spoke in my defense and he almost got me into tears. He has been one of those who tell you if there is anything wrong you are doing but will stay with you no matter what happens because you are his friend. And I am blessed. The comments are on my post "My Keyboard Is Mightier". http://xubayr4.blogspot.com/2007/09/my-keyboard-is-mightier.html#comments
I don't like eating many vegetables; I don't like so many milk products; I hate curds. Perhaps Ms. Eloquence thought that I would eat her if she faced me directly. Ask any person who has spoken to me, I have never eaten anybody till now. I can write several words here, start a fight, ask many people to talk, but that won't be a part of my objective. If she could come and talk to me directly, I would use all my facial expression, integrate soft smiles, a few laughs and of course some sweet words to let her know that I don't eat human beings. And especially because she is a girl, I would never even think of raising my voice.
The accusation was that I am defaming a girl. I hope I am appropriate in using the word 'defaming'; I don't want anybody to tell me "hey, how can you take up words by yourself? she never said you were defaming anybody."I won't care for such people. I wonder how that girl about whom I have written so much would feel after reading all this; especially after reading that she is being supported by an eloquent person. If I were in this girl's place, I would have done so much. But she is sweet, intelligent and sensible. She hasn't reacted yet.
Some months back - I think it's almost a year now - I wrote a lengthy post blasting at a close friend. I wrote so much about him. He replied with a short comment. He just showed me how much he cared for me and how we are always going to be friends. We never fought. It was a step towards a stronger relationship. I once wrote about another friend too. But we still are friends. We are friends because we respect each other and we know what each of us is. We have spent hours together - in every mood possible. We know we are going to stand for each other. If Ms. Eloquence is playing some proxy with me, I am glad that girl has a good friend to support.
Coming to the support idea - even my friends support that girl. I say that with a smile and a chuckle. Why will I not? I know I have been a lot unreasonable than anything else. But I didn't do anything bad. I just got the first impressions wrong. And they were so wrong that they never let me have more chances. I appreciate the way she took everything. Just that she could have been more straight forward. No matter what I write about her, I respect her. I won't use the word 'love' because I am sure even Ms. Eloquence must have shouted at people she loves in her life. I respect that. Not all of us understand love. Great poets have died trying to put love in comprehension.
When I read the comment first, I wanted to reply with the teasing smiley ( :P ). Then I thought that would make her angry. And I feared that I would loose a reader. I also considered writing "did your mamma not tell you that cowardice is unIslamic?" Then I thought it would sound like a personal comment. I can't make personal comments on people who are good. I should rather go for what they have written.
For long we have read our syllabus books and many others too and all of them have dictated facts on us. We had to accept them and reproduce them. We had to take them as knowledge and learn from them. So, maybe when somebody sits to read my blogs, he/she might think that this is some script that is being enforced on him/her. She would simply fail to understand that they are all perceptions, private words, opinions, emotions - they can never be enforced. I am not writing doctrines here. Neither am I writing lyrics for songs or scripts for any television series.
"Dear young lady, I despised myself because I had to write a truth which was not going to be easy on some throats. I despised myself because I knew I could make somebody feel something wrong. I despised myself because I still respect her. Do you want me to write poems and stories in her praise? If you had known me, you could have read all that. I don't know you but I still respect you. Because I know that like me, even you love (!) your parents, you like good food, you like to spend time with your friends and you too believe in the beauty of future. I respect you for the comment you have left."Ms. Eloquence spoke about religion. It irks me a lot when anybody hits on the faith in me. I know even I have no idea how much faith I have in me. Allah knows it better. Because I am a Muslim, I took a route through my parents and laid everything in front of them. But yes of course, I should believe in the verse of the Holy Quran "lakum deenukum wali ya deen". I gets translated as "to you your religion and to me my religion". The verse might not be precise on the context but I know it explains what I am trying to tell.
I felt bad when Ms. Eloquence said she was possibly wasting her time and energy when she thought I won't accept her comment. She wanted to tell me something and even if I don't accept the comment, I would in any case read it. Did she want it to be public? It was her decision to write that. Perhaps she was angry at me. I take it as inherently justified.
That last word 'sad' spoke more than just sadness. The last time there was no limit to my sense of humor was around a year back when I was playing even with brickbats. One of my friends always says that my name should have been 'joker'. Now I know reading all this can make her wonder if she can use this to strike at me. I just write this to show that I am not as serious as I look or my blogs look. At home I am called 'junglee', 'devdas', 'strange', and so much. I enjoy that. I couldn't enjoy that 'sad'. I couldn't understand what made HER so sad.
Girls are sweet. They are nice. They are caring. They are hardworking. They are more matured than guys of their age. I often trust their wisdom. I have five of them as very close friends of mine and they have taught me a lot. I have taken their advice all through. Just because I accept their superiority. I am not a chick just saying 'quack, quack' on my blog. I am not laying eggs here. I am putting in words what I feel. If I start writing everything I think, I am sure I will have to bring in bigger animals as examples.
But I don't have any girlfriends. My parents tell me that even if I have a girlfriend I should be proud of that and keep it an open secret. I don't know how much they mean it when they say that, I am never going to to have a girlfriend. That word sounds good but I don't like the idea. Girlfriend. 'yuk'! I have a big smile on my face right now with teeth visible to the computer screen. I have friends and I love them.
I know what it means when we say 'a girl's respect'. I know it means more than 'a guy's respect'. Because we all know and take it for granted that guys are shameless. Now, don't ask me why it is taken for granted. Maybe because they can remove their shirts and behave like Salman khan even when they are no good than Abhishek Bachchan. But I am Syed Zubair Hasan. I can be infinitely boring. But I am not self-centered in the way it was referred in the comment. I wouldn't be writing any blogs if I were self-centered. If I am confronted with, I can show a childish face, give the sweetest possible smile I can make and explain with the tone of my voice that I am not like how Ms. Eloquence perceived me to be.
Wrong From Right
My mother has been planning for a trip to Mecca to perform a pilgrimage since over two years. She got close to even deciding the dates but Allah's wish being the supreme force behind every single event, she is just hoping that someday she makes it there. She has January in her mind, but it's He who decides. It has become a tiring wait for me. I wanted to go there before the end of this year and was hoping to got here with my uncle. The time still has to come. It's verily an affirmation that money is not the only criteria that helps us with everything.
Today I had serious discussion with a friend on my way back home. We were trying to analyse how people tend to think under the influence of their family and how the psychology of parents effects their children. We found interesting things. Perhaps everybody know and understand the fine points but having a talk on them makes things more clear. There was some ideas I couldn't think of but my friend helped me know them. Maybe there were things he came to know because of me of started thinking on them because of me. It pays to have intelligent people around.
Intellect, wisdom, levels of maturity are never quantifiable. But the harsh part is that we don't have any absolute metric to measure them. The interesting point is that they keep fluctuating. I am no exception this. No doubt why we sometimes wonder how even the people we once considered wise behave illogically. It should be perfectly acceptable. But for me it teaches that I should be an exception to it. This is only one of several teachers I hate to learn from. But it teaches important things.
Today I had serious discussion with a friend on my way back home. We were trying to analyse how people tend to think under the influence of their family and how the psychology of parents effects their children. We found interesting things. Perhaps everybody know and understand the fine points but having a talk on them makes things more clear. There was some ideas I couldn't think of but my friend helped me know them. Maybe there were things he came to know because of me of started thinking on them because of me. It pays to have intelligent people around.
Intellect, wisdom, levels of maturity are never quantifiable. But the harsh part is that we don't have any absolute metric to measure them. The interesting point is that they keep fluctuating. I am no exception this. No doubt why we sometimes wonder how even the people we once considered wise behave illogically. It should be perfectly acceptable. But for me it teaches that I should be an exception to it. This is only one of several teachers I hate to learn from. But it teaches important things.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Shine!
When my father asked me if I wanted to have pizza standing outside a mall, I said I would prefer having homemade food. He asked me to have pizza as a snack but after I reached home I understood how three slices can cut my dinner into half. I had a heavy tea after dinner, my nose is blocked right now, my head is aching, and the only thing that keeps me up is the fear of sleep.
I took around an hour to decide the clothes I had to buy, my brother took half of that time. My mother insisted that I take a plain black shirt and a plain white shirt. I took the third one of my choice. When I asked my father for some advice on the trousers, he said he can never do that. But it was he who gave the final words. He also decided the five pairs of socks for me.
I have missed quite a lot of classes in the college and I am afraid if that it can create some problem by the end of the semester. There has hardly been a day in the semester till now that I attended all the classes in both the sessions of a single day. The only best thing is that there are many people with a similar absenteeism. Someday very soon I will have a talk with some lecturers and see if they can help me. A few days back one of them scolded the who class asking us not to attend if we were attending only for attendance. She said she will give it herself.
One of my cousins who is pursuing his medicine from Bishkek left Hyderabad after a long vocation. In the days to come he would be making a trip to Europe where he will spend some time in Amsterdam to attend a meeting on child psychology. He will also make a visit to Paris to meet my uncle there. This uncle who happens to be my father's eldest is the little known part of my family. He has not seen India for more than 28 years now. Telephone has been the only medium between us. Whenever he is asked to come here, he does the same thing with us - he invites us to his house in some place called as Poitiers. Few of us did heed to that.
Another cousin of mine who live in Houston left for West Indies a few days back. He is there to pursue his medicine. He has completed his pre-medicine in US itself and now he has moved a little down towards the equator. The last time we met was 2002. I can never forget 'The Scorpion King' I saw with him. There was also a Hindi movie too we watched together in a theatre at Mehdipatnam and I seriously hope to forget that experience - there was no movement in air when we were in front of the screen.
I took around an hour to decide the clothes I had to buy, my brother took half of that time. My mother insisted that I take a plain black shirt and a plain white shirt. I took the third one of my choice. When I asked my father for some advice on the trousers, he said he can never do that. But it was he who gave the final words. He also decided the five pairs of socks for me.
I have missed quite a lot of classes in the college and I am afraid if that it can create some problem by the end of the semester. There has hardly been a day in the semester till now that I attended all the classes in both the sessions of a single day. The only best thing is that there are many people with a similar absenteeism. Someday very soon I will have a talk with some lecturers and see if they can help me. A few days back one of them scolded the who class asking us not to attend if we were attending only for attendance. She said she will give it herself.
One of my cousins who is pursuing his medicine from Bishkek left Hyderabad after a long vocation. In the days to come he would be making a trip to Europe where he will spend some time in Amsterdam to attend a meeting on child psychology. He will also make a visit to Paris to meet my uncle there. This uncle who happens to be my father's eldest is the little known part of my family. He has not seen India for more than 28 years now. Telephone has been the only medium between us. Whenever he is asked to come here, he does the same thing with us - he invites us to his house in some place called as Poitiers. Few of us did heed to that.
Another cousin of mine who live in Houston left for West Indies a few days back. He is there to pursue his medicine. He has completed his pre-medicine in US itself and now he has moved a little down towards the equator. The last time we met was 2002. I can never forget 'The Scorpion King' I saw with him. There was also a Hindi movie too we watched together in a theatre at Mehdipatnam and I seriously hope to forget that experience - there was no movement in air when we were in front of the screen.
My World Is Good
Every time I write a mock test I learn something but I never get a chance to put into use what I learn because every mock has something different in it. I have never seen a CAT's paper easier than the one of 2006. I could without any preparation answer more than 70% of the quantitative part. But these mocks tell me that I am a fool thinking of writing CAT.
I can name at least 8 people from my college who once seemed very serious about CAT but now have left all the hopes of making it good. Though I am not scoring well, I am still positive and believe that if I finish all the study-material in time, I can get a good percentile. What confuses me is whether I am a fool in thinking so or these people are taking an easy way out. I will in any case give in all that I can and if possible more. My target is to finish all the 12 Full Length Tests before November 18th. For that I need to finish all the practice exercises, sprints and take offs. I am already into the take offs of English and DI. I won't have any regrets even if I fail to deliver once I am done with these.
My parents are planning to go out for shopping in the evening today. I like shopping but today I am not in a mood for it. My brother gets his clothes stitched and he has to get it done immediately. If I don't go today, then I will have to shop for myself later. I have done that before. This time I don't have time.
I can name at least 8 people from my college who once seemed very serious about CAT but now have left all the hopes of making it good. Though I am not scoring well, I am still positive and believe that if I finish all the study-material in time, I can get a good percentile. What confuses me is whether I am a fool in thinking so or these people are taking an easy way out. I will in any case give in all that I can and if possible more. My target is to finish all the 12 Full Length Tests before November 18th. For that I need to finish all the practice exercises, sprints and take offs. I am already into the take offs of English and DI. I won't have any regrets even if I fail to deliver once I am done with these.
My parents are planning to go out for shopping in the evening today. I like shopping but today I am not in a mood for it. My brother gets his clothes stitched and he has to get it done immediately. If I don't go today, then I will have to shop for myself later. I have done that before. This time I don't have time.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Right On The Target
I began to feel so weak after 3 pm today. I just couldn't keep myself up in front of the book. I had not strength to even talk and I had to sleep. Though I am satisfied with how I studied today, I am not happy about the quantity I could make up for. I still have to start with quantitative sections. I am sailing good with English and Data Interpretation. The next mock will decide if I am sailing in the right direction.
My father today asked me to apply gel to my hair and style them. He even commented positively on my extra-grown beard. I am anyways going to shave it in a day or two but I don't know when the hair can be trimmed. The only problem with them being long is the time taken to proper them in the mornings. It must be amusing for any person to know that I comb my hair every night before sleeping. That makes me feel good before I go ahead with the most dreaded part of my day.
I have three dates to take care of now - November 18th, December 16th and January 6th. They bring to me CAT, IBSAT and XAT in that order. They will decide the college in which I will pursue my MBA. But yes of course quite on the contrary, it will be me who has to decide, just that my performance in these will be non-trivial. It doesn't depend on my health, it doesn't depend on my parents, it depends on only me. If I don't make it into a very good institution, three to four years after doing a job I will look out for a one-year diploma in Business Administration from any top college abroad. It will just delay some achievements but I have to be on the target. It's Allah who decides.
My father today asked me to apply gel to my hair and style them. He even commented positively on my extra-grown beard. I am anyways going to shave it in a day or two but I don't know when the hair can be trimmed. The only problem with them being long is the time taken to proper them in the mornings. It must be amusing for any person to know that I comb my hair every night before sleeping. That makes me feel good before I go ahead with the most dreaded part of my day.
I have three dates to take care of now - November 18th, December 16th and January 6th. They bring to me CAT, IBSAT and XAT in that order. They will decide the college in which I will pursue my MBA. But yes of course quite on the contrary, it will be me who has to decide, just that my performance in these will be non-trivial. It doesn't depend on my health, it doesn't depend on my parents, it depends on only me. If I don't make it into a very good institution, three to four years after doing a job I will look out for a one-year diploma in Business Administration from any top college abroad. It will just delay some achievements but I have to be on the target. It's Allah who decides.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)