The first word that I was going to write here impulsively without any thinking was 'hello'. Then sense came into me and said this is not a chat window where I say something and the other person sitting on the other side of the line replies. This is just a single-lane single-sided traffic!
Since yesterday afternoon I have been experiencing a slow internet connection speed and so today I wrote an e-mail to the customer service department of Sify. They (their executive) promptly replied and asked me to clear the history pages and the cache along with cookies and all temporary internet files. The reply then asked me to try the speed again and let them know if the problem still persists.
I laughed when I read the reply. I replied letting that person know what I am studying and also that I have been using a computer and internet for quiet long enough that I can do these simple things. But still not allowing my ego take over, I did what that person asked me for. As I expected, there was no correction in the speed. I wrote back stating all this and also that I am not naivete. I explained him how he must give a good reply and also correct the problem without letting me know how to do simple things on the computer.
I also told him that I do understand why he has to reply that way. There are many people out there who don't know simple things about the machine they work on. These kind of people also need to be told how to access the control panel. I told him I don't belong to that category. I also told him that I have liked the way Sify has served me till now and I hope that they will continue the good work. I liked the way they replied me in ours of my mailing.
In the evening I played a little football with my brother in the living room. The ball we used was made of plastic - the one kindergarten kids play with. We both played until it went under a divan and my brother didn't feel like going or putting his hands under it. I even talked to his friends today. My brother said they had been calling me 'Don bhai'. One of them was about to save my number on his phone with that same name but refrained when I jokingly asked him why he called me with that. We had some good laughs.
Today I finally finished watching the movie 'National Treasure'. I had been seeing it in parts. I have developed a sort of aversion towards watching movies at home in a single go. I prefer having them in parts giving me enough time to have the right mood!
Yesterday and today my mother had holidays and she was home. It was nice being with her around me. Her presence is cooling for my eyes. Just that I have to listen to so much she always has to say. As I kept reading a book today I understood how well my mother knows about money. I have written about it yesterday on the blog. I furthered my knowledge today about her even more. I am proud of her.
Friday, April 6, 2007
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Wise or Conservative?
Some days back when I told my parents that I was not going to the farewell party, they thought I was keeping away from it with money as the reason and they said they would pay for it. I never expect them to know the reason. I refused to take any money even when I could have taken the money and used it for some other thing. There were a few friends of mine who too thought that I wasn't coming because of money. For all of those, I can perhaps mention that today my mother gave me Rs.40,000. It was not cash but in the form of two bank receipts of the money she deposited in my name. She directed that I must be spending it on a specific thing but we both know that that thing hardly takes more than Rs.5000. The rest is mine. I have no intentions of getting it liquidated.
All along these days, I have also told a few of my friends that I neither discourage nor do I encourage the farewell party. Today, I somehow feel that I should have tried to stop it. I should have spoken directly to some people and asked them not to give any money. There were some already who told that they wouldn't give money because I wasn't and I had insisted that they must go ahead with it. I regret not trying to stop anybody. I ended up encouraging. That was my foolishness. I am glad that I kept away form it.
Today I also got to know from my mother a little about how she manages her money. I was amazed to know how meticulously she takes care of her finances and I realized that she is doing a lot similar to what the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" was saying. Mother understands the difference between an asset and a liability. She knows how a house is sometimes not an asset but a liability. She knows how important it is to have a balanced balance sheet and how important assets. She perhaps also know that an asset is an asset only when it can create income. Perhaps the way she has invested her money till now makes things clear.
My mother never bought luxuries until she had sufficient assets. She gave more importance to assets rather than luxuries. Those people especially from poor and middle-class who do not have financial education try to acquire more and more luxuries because they want to show that they are rich. They end up digging holes in their pockets and acquiring more liabilities in the form of loans and credit-card bills. My mother knew how to save taxes and how the government can eat up a big chunk of her salary if she didn’t knew the rules and laws related to the constitution which can help her save taxes.
Wealth is the number of days is the number of days I can live the same lifestyle I am living if I stop getting money now. There is a golden rule. Those who have gold make most of the rules. My college masters in producing students who are good employees. No doubt so many companies come to my college to hire students. So the college has to create good employers for them. My college doesn’t know how to create employers.
I thank Allah that my mother could teach me so much about money and finances. I remember when she explained me how a penny saved is a penny gained. I have also learned that it is not about how much money you earn. It is all about how much money you keep with you. Money is my mother’s area of expertise. I learnt so mush just by looking at her. When I go to college, study my syllabus and do many things just so that I can get a good job to earn money, I find it necessary that I must learn what money is and how it must be kept! And I am learning. My mother is helping me. My father is unfortunately not interested in money. He knows how to earn what he earns. He doesn’t know what has to be done after that. Many people don’t know that. I can give several examples. But not here!
Until sometime back I felt as if I should break my computer screen’s glass or take the car, go for a drive, drive as fast as I could and bang into some wall. To contain myself I thought of calling up some friend and pacify myself. I went to the Asar prayer and came to write this. I feel better now. It’s Magrib now. Alhmdulillah.
All along these days, I have also told a few of my friends that I neither discourage nor do I encourage the farewell party. Today, I somehow feel that I should have tried to stop it. I should have spoken directly to some people and asked them not to give any money. There were some already who told that they wouldn't give money because I wasn't and I had insisted that they must go ahead with it. I regret not trying to stop anybody. I ended up encouraging. That was my foolishness. I am glad that I kept away form it.
Today I also got to know from my mother a little about how she manages her money. I was amazed to know how meticulously she takes care of her finances and I realized that she is doing a lot similar to what the book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" was saying. Mother understands the difference between an asset and a liability. She knows how a house is sometimes not an asset but a liability. She knows how important it is to have a balanced balance sheet and how important assets. She perhaps also know that an asset is an asset only when it can create income. Perhaps the way she has invested her money till now makes things clear.
My mother never bought luxuries until she had sufficient assets. She gave more importance to assets rather than luxuries. Those people especially from poor and middle-class who do not have financial education try to acquire more and more luxuries because they want to show that they are rich. They end up digging holes in their pockets and acquiring more liabilities in the form of loans and credit-card bills. My mother knew how to save taxes and how the government can eat up a big chunk of her salary if she didn’t knew the rules and laws related to the constitution which can help her save taxes.
Wealth is the number of days is the number of days I can live the same lifestyle I am living if I stop getting money now. There is a golden rule. Those who have gold make most of the rules. My college masters in producing students who are good employees. No doubt so many companies come to my college to hire students. So the college has to create good employers for them. My college doesn’t know how to create employers.
I thank Allah that my mother could teach me so much about money and finances. I remember when she explained me how a penny saved is a penny gained. I have also learned that it is not about how much money you earn. It is all about how much money you keep with you. Money is my mother’s area of expertise. I learnt so mush just by looking at her. When I go to college, study my syllabus and do many things just so that I can get a good job to earn money, I find it necessary that I must learn what money is and how it must be kept! And I am learning. My mother is helping me. My father is unfortunately not interested in money. He knows how to earn what he earns. He doesn’t know what has to be done after that. Many people don’t know that. I can give several examples. But not here!
Until sometime back I felt as if I should break my computer screen’s glass or take the car, go for a drive, drive as fast as I could and bang into some wall. To contain myself I thought of calling up some friend and pacify myself. I went to the Asar prayer and came to write this. I feel better now. It’s Magrib now. Alhmdulillah.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Smile
I reached home around 6:30 pm today. My friend dropped me at Mehdipatnam from where I thought I would find some means to come back home. I had to walk upto Tolichowki from Mehdipatnam. The foolishness of the State Government in coming out with the protest struck me hard. I walked for more than 30 minutes continuously.
Before that along with four friends of mine, I had been to Abids to do the shopping for the Farewell party which is supposed to be today, the 5th. I felt a little uneasy being into this so much when I had decided not to get involved into anything related to it. Being with my friends made me give time to it. I won't be going for the party now - obviously. It will be a not-so-good feeling staying at home all day. I will learn a new thing.
It's one of my very good friend's birthday today. As I had decided earlier, I prepared a blog to make the greetings instead of an e-card. I have done it twice before. I may get out of my house tomorrow if my friends decide to celebrate this occasion. Perhaps I hope that it happens.
Before that along with four friends of mine, I had been to Abids to do the shopping for the Farewell party which is supposed to be today, the 5th. I felt a little uneasy being into this so much when I had decided not to get involved into anything related to it. Being with my friends made me give time to it. I won't be going for the party now - obviously. It will be a not-so-good feeling staying at home all day. I will learn a new thing.
It's one of my very good friend's birthday today. As I had decided earlier, I prepared a blog to make the greetings instead of an e-card. I have done it twice before. I may get out of my house tomorrow if my friends decide to celebrate this occasion. Perhaps I hope that it happens.
Monday, April 2, 2007
That stupid song ... guess you never felt that way
Yesterday just before sleeping I had set the alarm in my phone to wake me up at 5:31 am. At 8:00 am I was wondering if I was so much into sleeping that I don't even remembering turning it off especially given that snooze requires pressing of the exact button which I believe is not humanly possibly to do when I am so much into sleep. Perhaps I need to get my brain's abilities revisited!
Today was a different day for me. 'Confusing' and 'precarious' can be the right terminology. As I always believe that some things happen for the first times in our lives and it is nice that they happen. They further increase the knowledge base and experience more into maturity. This is what I need - more maturity - badly.
I don't have much to write for today. I know I have reduced the size of my posts to a near one-third of what I used to write until a couple of weeks back. What can I do? Things change. They change people. Most importantly, they cause to change perceptions. My idea of trying to be a better person will never change.
Good happens only when good people are involved in the endeavors. Perchance, when the bad start anything worth a talk about, the good fall into apprehensions. That would be a clear case of negativity which must invariably be throttled to naught. A mirror speaks of what it can see. A mirror inside my heart can be more helpful. I find it troublesome at times I look in there. It's a pain in my neck.
On the left side of my computer - the left of my perception - is a printer that might well be wondering if it is ever going to work again. If it could ask me about the same, I would start with a humble apology, then continue saying that I may consider some action only when my summer vacation starts. That will be after 18th of May. Allah is great. I realize it every time I know that I am real. this happens every second. Alhamdulillah.
Today was a different day for me. 'Confusing' and 'precarious' can be the right terminology. As I always believe that some things happen for the first times in our lives and it is nice that they happen. They further increase the knowledge base and experience more into maturity. This is what I need - more maturity - badly.
I don't have much to write for today. I know I have reduced the size of my posts to a near one-third of what I used to write until a couple of weeks back. What can I do? Things change. They change people. Most importantly, they cause to change perceptions. My idea of trying to be a better person will never change.
Good happens only when good people are involved in the endeavors. Perchance, when the bad start anything worth a talk about, the good fall into apprehensions. That would be a clear case of negativity which must invariably be throttled to naught. A mirror speaks of what it can see. A mirror inside my heart can be more helpful. I find it troublesome at times I look in there. It's a pain in my neck.
On the left side of my computer - the left of my perception - is a printer that might well be wondering if it is ever going to work again. If it could ask me about the same, I would start with a humble apology, then continue saying that I may consider some action only when my summer vacation starts. That will be after 18th of May. Allah is great. I realize it every time I know that I am real. this happens every second. Alhamdulillah.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
I have a reason
Yesterday afternoon one of my friend took my computer's hard-drive with him. He had some back-ups of the data I lost. So now that I have almost everything back, I feel glad for sharing my data and also for having a person who respected it. I understand he had nothing to do with more than half of it but yet he kept it with him! He was kind enough to come to my house, take the disk with him, again come back again today.
Yesterday evening I went along with my friends to 'Dastar' near KBR park and 'Saarvi'. We had hukka and lots of fun. I returned home at 11 pm. Earlier in the college I had my last theory internal. After that there were some discussion going on about the farewell party. I was there in the class. I was just there. To be with my friends.
Yesterday, the 31st of March, marked the completion of one year of this blog. Today's past is the 271st.
Yesterday evening I went along with my friends to 'Dastar' near KBR park and 'Saarvi'. We had hukka and lots of fun. I returned home at 11 pm. Earlier in the college I had my last theory internal. After that there were some discussion going on about the farewell party. I was there in the class. I was just there. To be with my friends.
Yesterday, the 31st of March, marked the completion of one year of this blog. Today's past is the 271st.
Monday, March 26, 2007
If it is done again ... Allah help me
I was reading a book around 9:30 pm and I don't remember when I fell asleep. I woke up by myself a little after 10 pm and kept my eyes closed. I felt as if I was still into the book with just only one thing running in my head - money. The book is about money. My parents were calling me for dinner but I was so much into the ideas of the book spreading within me that I was hardly bothering to respond to them. I finally had dinner and came in front of the 17 inch screen at 10:45 pm.
I don't feel like writing about when I woke up in the morning and when I reached the college. It makes me feel guilty as I wasted a lot of time and I know I am going to do almost a similar things tomorrow. I spent almost the whole day with my friends. There was a class in the morning which I missed; I reached the college when it was getting over.
In the evening, around 5 pm I accompanied my friends to Taj Banjaara where they were booking the place for farewell party. The name of the hall booked is 'Anjuman' and the date decided is the 5th of April. And as I have already said, I am away from everything.
My friends have been asking me about it. Today I told my parents that it can be possible that any of my friends would call them to ask why I am keeping away from it, and I asked them to tell that they have no idea about anything. They had the same question my friends were asking - "who do you want to skip the party?". They even said that I won't get such chances again in my life. I don't agree with them. There are bigger things I value.
It has been a quiet evening after I reached home; just had some talks with m parents about the farewell and I stay with myself. I had been thinking about my friend who tried to convince me to come to the party. I felt bad I had to stick to my word. I can't explain how I feel every time I am tell a 'no'.
I don't feel like writing about when I woke up in the morning and when I reached the college. It makes me feel guilty as I wasted a lot of time and I know I am going to do almost a similar things tomorrow. I spent almost the whole day with my friends. There was a class in the morning which I missed; I reached the college when it was getting over.
In the evening, around 5 pm I accompanied my friends to Taj Banjaara where they were booking the place for farewell party. The name of the hall booked is 'Anjuman' and the date decided is the 5th of April. And as I have already said, I am away from everything.
My friends have been asking me about it. Today I told my parents that it can be possible that any of my friends would call them to ask why I am keeping away from it, and I asked them to tell that they have no idea about anything. They had the same question my friends were asking - "who do you want to skip the party?". They even said that I won't get such chances again in my life. I don't agree with them. There are bigger things I value.
It has been a quiet evening after I reached home; just had some talks with m parents about the farewell and I stay with myself. I had been thinking about my friend who tried to convince me to come to the party. I felt bad I had to stick to my word. I can't explain how I feel every time I am tell a 'no'.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Heavy in my heart
I had quantitative analysis at CL today and we studied Permutations. It was a bit tough and cumbersome. I even got the next packet of preparation books. The tension is beginning to build up with November nearing. This might seem ludicrous for any person who is not writing CAT! Time is moving fast and it is faster especially at times when things begin to appear threatening.
I just now set the washing machine for 'spin'. I had my clothes long back but totally lost the track of what was going on in the house after having dinner at 10:15 pm. My brother reminded me that I had to finish the washing thing. The machine is showing some problem when ever it is set for all the tree functions at once - wash, rinse and spin. I am doing the last one separately.
In the evening I had been to my grandmother's house. Last Sunday I took mu uncle's CR writer and I had to return it. I spent more than 2 hours there and felt the sorrow left by my grandfather's death. It is more than two months now but whenever I go there I still get a feeling that he is still in the house, in his room. We have not yet cleared his things - we didn't get the will to do it. But it hurts more when I see his bed and his table with all his medicines and books arranged they way he used to keep it. A layer of dust shows that he hasn't touched them for two months now.
I remember reading a quote. I read it long back, but recollected it just yesterday. "In three words I can sum up everything I have learnt about life. It goes on." Maybe I have moved on in my life, but past is always recorded in our brains and we can seldom erase it. I miss my grandfather. He was one of the dearest people in my life. I will miss him till I die.
We see some things and we perceive that it has no light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen a few myself but every time this happened, light came in from somewhere. Perhaps that quote means more than what really it makes apparent to me. Greatness of Allah is beyond any measure.
I had 'nahari' in the dinner. There was some chicken too to make the dinner perfect. I didn't eat much even when there was so much offered. I don't have an answer why I didn't. Something seems to hurt me and the problem is that I don't know what it exactly is. Calling myself a fool can't be a good thing to do now. It can make more sense if there was nothing like love.
I have been giving myself some extra doses of Hindi songs. I have lost many English ones to the crash of my computer's operating system and now, the only numbers I could assemble on the drive till now are the ones given to me by one of my friends and a couple of CDs I had made long back. Songs from DDLJ and some remixes are finding me enthralled!
I just now set the washing machine for 'spin'. I had my clothes long back but totally lost the track of what was going on in the house after having dinner at 10:15 pm. My brother reminded me that I had to finish the washing thing. The machine is showing some problem when ever it is set for all the tree functions at once - wash, rinse and spin. I am doing the last one separately.
In the evening I had been to my grandmother's house. Last Sunday I took mu uncle's CR writer and I had to return it. I spent more than 2 hours there and felt the sorrow left by my grandfather's death. It is more than two months now but whenever I go there I still get a feeling that he is still in the house, in his room. We have not yet cleared his things - we didn't get the will to do it. But it hurts more when I see his bed and his table with all his medicines and books arranged they way he used to keep it. A layer of dust shows that he hasn't touched them for two months now.
I remember reading a quote. I read it long back, but recollected it just yesterday. "In three words I can sum up everything I have learnt about life. It goes on." Maybe I have moved on in my life, but past is always recorded in our brains and we can seldom erase it. I miss my grandfather. He was one of the dearest people in my life. I will miss him till I die.
We see some things and we perceive that it has no light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen a few myself but every time this happened, light came in from somewhere. Perhaps that quote means more than what really it makes apparent to me. Greatness of Allah is beyond any measure.
I had 'nahari' in the dinner. There was some chicken too to make the dinner perfect. I didn't eat much even when there was so much offered. I don't have an answer why I didn't. Something seems to hurt me and the problem is that I don't know what it exactly is. Calling myself a fool can't be a good thing to do now. It can make more sense if there was nothing like love.
I have been giving myself some extra doses of Hindi songs. I have lost many English ones to the crash of my computer's operating system and now, the only numbers I could assemble on the drive till now are the ones given to me by one of my friends and a couple of CDs I had made long back. Songs from DDLJ and some remixes are finding me enthralled!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
My word
I reached home at 8:45 pm today. I had been to college with not very clear reasons. I had some work in the lab with OOSD. I spent some time in the library and some of it in the canteen. I reached my grandmother's house at 2:40 pm, had lunch, and slept for an hour.
Sometime back I returned from a walk with my father. I asked him if we could go out, he agreed, and we did. We had tea at a near by hotel and he smoked a cigarette. I thought of telling a few things but refrained from them. I was lacking courage. But I did talk about something that helped me know what he thinks about the thing I wanted to talk on. I understand I am being idiosyncratic saying all this as it must not be making any sense, but it is just what I mean to write here.
Yesterday in the evening I took a ride on my father's new two-wheeler. It was simple and I could handle the vehicle with no much trouble. I just need to have a little idea about the application of brake. Or I should say, I need to let myself know that this vehicle has two brakes unlike a car, and the one I must be frequently using is the one near my right foot and not the right hand.
Sometime back I returned from a walk with my father. I asked him if we could go out, he agreed, and we did. We had tea at a near by hotel and he smoked a cigarette. I thought of telling a few things but refrained from them. I was lacking courage. But I did talk about something that helped me know what he thinks about the thing I wanted to talk on. I understand I am being idiosyncratic saying all this as it must not be making any sense, but it is just what I mean to write here.
Yesterday in the evening I took a ride on my father's new two-wheeler. It was simple and I could handle the vehicle with no much trouble. I just need to have a little idea about the application of brake. Or I should say, I need to let myself know that this vehicle has two brakes unlike a car, and the one I must be frequently using is the one near my right foot and not the right hand.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Tendentious. Oh! Is it?
I have been thinking about today's posting since afternoon because I told a few of my friends that I would be writing the reason for not willing to be a part of the farewell party preparations and also the party itself in today's post. The poignancy is that I don't have a single valid reason for the said thing. This puts me in a predicament and should I try to justify anything, it would be simple prattling on trivialities. I don't possess any dexterity to give elucidations on what all I say, but I do know what I am saying and I stand by it as long as I find myself judicious.
Chocolate and coffee are two delicacies I love to live on. I like coffee for its exuberantly enthralling taste and chocolate for several reasons including a few emotional ones. I love chocolate when it is luscious, pure and thick. I like taking it little by little, enjoying every dot of it that enters my mouth. I enjoy it till it takes me to a pinnacle of joy - the joy that be obtained by eating something; I can't mean anything more than that; I can't in fact - and after that I am done! I never take more than a mug (400 ml) of coffee in a day - as long as I don't have to keep myself awake for long hours - and so I never reach any form of self-palpable apex with coffee.
At times it so happens that I don't feel like eating chocolate even when I haven't tasted it for hours. I underscore the word 'feel' here. I always believe that it is several times easier to feel than to think and so, I find it appropriate to underscore this word in this given context. Coming back to chocolate - some times I simply don't feel like eating it. Simply.
Music has always been a weakness of mine. In general I hate rap but I find 'walou', 'peelo' and 'mocking bird' somewhat amusing. I don't put the tracks by Linkin Park under rap. I am more penchant towards numbers with good lyrics and a good low bass - beats. And obviously, the songs I listen to are more centered to the kind of feelings I have within me. I highlight the word feelings here! And there are times when I don't feel like listening to any songs - no matter how good they are. Feel ... I am sure the point is made again about this word.
Sometimes I don't feel like eating food in spite of being flummox as to why I 'feel' so. Then there are moments of undefined temptations when I feel like not keeping my eyes open! Some times I don't feel like breathing though my nostrils. Maybe if I push my brain a little further I can give a few more such immutable or irrevocable feelings I experience or perchance, keep experiencing. Feelings ... !
In a similar way I don't feel like being in any link to the farewell party which most of my batch mates and friends are organizing for the seniors who are spending their last days in the college at this time of the year. I don't have a reason for this that can be perceived by any other person but me. May be even if I had somebody who could be called my alter ego, I am half-sure that that person too could have not understood my reason. And after all, it is a feeling, and feelings seldom find any reason for their existence.
This, whatever termed as - reason, unreasonable reason, ludicrous feeling, inanity, or anything - is my justification for keeping away from the above said event. I have nothing against any person involved in it, I am not bringing any truths of religion into this, I don't want to be sanctimonious, it is just a show, I don't want to put forward any excuses, I don't want to make any person coming back to me asking for money and me telling that I would be giving it the next day even while knowing that I would not be doing that, and I don't want to cheat anybody including me.
It won't make any difference if I am not there in the party. There were innumerable such occasions till now in the past and all of them were without me! And I am not a best friend or a closest friend of any person that would make him or her skip the party because I am not going to be there. It is plain and simple - things will go the way they have to indifferent to my behavior.
After the Friday prayers I had my lab internal test for Computer Graphics. I took a little help from a friend sitting beside me in clarifying a few things I was unsure about and I suppose it accounts for cheating. But I don't know if I should feel guilty for it. I don't feel it. I think I could have done the two programs perfectly well even without those clarifications. But they saved some time. Having a friend sitting beside always makes me talk. I would be sinning if I don't call it cheating if it really is. And if it really is, then maybe I should recheck my fundamentals.
Chocolate and coffee are two delicacies I love to live on. I like coffee for its exuberantly enthralling taste and chocolate for several reasons including a few emotional ones. I love chocolate when it is luscious, pure and thick. I like taking it little by little, enjoying every dot of it that enters my mouth. I enjoy it till it takes me to a pinnacle of joy - the joy that be obtained by eating something; I can't mean anything more than that; I can't in fact - and after that I am done! I never take more than a mug (400 ml) of coffee in a day - as long as I don't have to keep myself awake for long hours - and so I never reach any form of self-palpable apex with coffee.
At times it so happens that I don't feel like eating chocolate even when I haven't tasted it for hours. I underscore the word 'feel' here. I always believe that it is several times easier to feel than to think and so, I find it appropriate to underscore this word in this given context. Coming back to chocolate - some times I simply don't feel like eating it. Simply.
Music has always been a weakness of mine. In general I hate rap but I find 'walou', 'peelo' and 'mocking bird' somewhat amusing. I don't put the tracks by Linkin Park under rap. I am more penchant towards numbers with good lyrics and a good low bass - beats. And obviously, the songs I listen to are more centered to the kind of feelings I have within me. I highlight the word feelings here! And there are times when I don't feel like listening to any songs - no matter how good they are. Feel ... I am sure the point is made again about this word.
Sometimes I don't feel like eating food in spite of being flummox as to why I 'feel' so. Then there are moments of undefined temptations when I feel like not keeping my eyes open! Some times I don't feel like breathing though my nostrils. Maybe if I push my brain a little further I can give a few more such immutable or irrevocable feelings I experience or perchance, keep experiencing. Feelings ... !
In a similar way I don't feel like being in any link to the farewell party which most of my batch mates and friends are organizing for the seniors who are spending their last days in the college at this time of the year. I don't have a reason for this that can be perceived by any other person but me. May be even if I had somebody who could be called my alter ego, I am half-sure that that person too could have not understood my reason. And after all, it is a feeling, and feelings seldom find any reason for their existence.
This, whatever termed as - reason, unreasonable reason, ludicrous feeling, inanity, or anything - is my justification for keeping away from the above said event. I have nothing against any person involved in it, I am not bringing any truths of religion into this, I don't want to be sanctimonious, it is just a show, I don't want to put forward any excuses, I don't want to make any person coming back to me asking for money and me telling that I would be giving it the next day even while knowing that I would not be doing that, and I don't want to cheat anybody including me.
It won't make any difference if I am not there in the party. There were innumerable such occasions till now in the past and all of them were without me! And I am not a best friend or a closest friend of any person that would make him or her skip the party because I am not going to be there. It is plain and simple - things will go the way they have to indifferent to my behavior.
After the Friday prayers I had my lab internal test for Computer Graphics. I took a little help from a friend sitting beside me in clarifying a few things I was unsure about and I suppose it accounts for cheating. But I don't know if I should feel guilty for it. I don't feel it. I think I could have done the two programs perfectly well even without those clarifications. But they saved some time. Having a friend sitting beside always makes me talk. I would be sinning if I don't call it cheating if it really is. And if it really is, then maybe I should recheck my fundamentals.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Boundary
Yesterday I went to bed at 12:30 am after turning the computer off at 12. I didn't know what to write. Even now as I type this, I do not know what I am going to have in the next sentence.
Right from yesterday I was not completely sure if I was going to the college today. Today morning a friend called and I stayed back home. I had a full breakfast after many days. I have been having a banana, a fried egg and a mug of coffee daily. Last three days I took some other thing and not coffee. Its getting hot here with temperatures soaring day by day. After the breakfast I spent some time in front of the computer and went to sleep again. I slept for more than 3 hours. I felt bad I wasted too much time.
Tomorrow I have a lab internal test in Computer Graphics. I still have to start studying. The test is int he afternoon after the Friday prayers so I guess I have time. This very thing - "I have time" - is the worst thing that always happens. I don't think I need to further explain why I say this. It is pretty apparent.
Yesterday a company named Embedded Infotech selected some students from 3rd year CSE and IT branches. We had an aptitude cum technical test. Many must have qualified given that the test was simple enough. But only a few selected students were shortlisted. One of my friends too was there in the list. The next round saw a technical interview. He couldn't somehow manage that. I told my parents about everything. In contrast to my expectations, they didn't react the way I thought they would.
I was in the college yesterday till 6:10 pm. I had a class at CL from 6:30 pm. It was a workshop on quantitative analysis and we discussed Arithmetic topics like percentages, profit & loss, time-speed-distance, allegations and a little more. I reached home around 9:30 pm. In the mean while both my parents called me at least 5 times. They forgot that I had a class in the evening. I had earlier in the day called up my brother to inform him about the same. And when my brother told my mother that I had a class, she didn't understand it! I had to do a bit of controlling of my anger.
Right from yesterday I was not completely sure if I was going to the college today. Today morning a friend called and I stayed back home. I had a full breakfast after many days. I have been having a banana, a fried egg and a mug of coffee daily. Last three days I took some other thing and not coffee. Its getting hot here with temperatures soaring day by day. After the breakfast I spent some time in front of the computer and went to sleep again. I slept for more than 3 hours. I felt bad I wasted too much time.
Tomorrow I have a lab internal test in Computer Graphics. I still have to start studying. The test is int he afternoon after the Friday prayers so I guess I have time. This very thing - "I have time" - is the worst thing that always happens. I don't think I need to further explain why I say this. It is pretty apparent.
Yesterday a company named Embedded Infotech selected some students from 3rd year CSE and IT branches. We had an aptitude cum technical test. Many must have qualified given that the test was simple enough. But only a few selected students were shortlisted. One of my friends too was there in the list. The next round saw a technical interview. He couldn't somehow manage that. I told my parents about everything. In contrast to my expectations, they didn't react the way I thought they would.
I was in the college yesterday till 6:10 pm. I had a class at CL from 6:30 pm. It was a workshop on quantitative analysis and we discussed Arithmetic topics like percentages, profit & loss, time-speed-distance, allegations and a little more. I reached home around 9:30 pm. In the mean while both my parents called me at least 5 times. They forgot that I had a class in the evening. I had earlier in the day called up my brother to inform him about the same. And when my brother told my mother that I had a class, she didn't understand it! I had to do a bit of controlling of my anger.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Priority
Today afternoon along with 3 of my friends I went to Durgam Cheruvu. We just sat on its boundary wall and didn't enter the lawns. We cracked lots of jokes, had some fun on our way back at 'Metropolis', and I reached home just before 6 pm.
Yesterday evening we had a small dinner party at a cousin's house and by the time I reached home it was 11:30 pm. Earlier yesterday, I went to watch the movie '300'. It was nice. But I have seen better movies!
And the reason why I wasn't updating my blog is that my operating system crashed completely on Friday and I lost more than 60 Gb of data. I can get a few things back, but a good part of it can never be recreated. I lost some things I have been collecting for the last 2 years and more. I still had my operating system back in its original form - thanks again to Hewlett Packard.
I don't know what to write. If I start typing the whole week that went by, it will take at least 2000 words and I, perhaps, don't have that much patience now! I am a kind of egoist today, I don't feel like sharing much. But I can definitely tell that my father bought a new two-wheeler on Friday. It is Honda Eterno.
I have my second internal tests starting in the next week and the lab externals from 16th of April. The finals will begin on 25th.
Yesterday evening we had a small dinner party at a cousin's house and by the time I reached home it was 11:30 pm. Earlier yesterday, I went to watch the movie '300'. It was nice. But I have seen better movies!
And the reason why I wasn't updating my blog is that my operating system crashed completely on Friday and I lost more than 60 Gb of data. I can get a few things back, but a good part of it can never be recreated. I lost some things I have been collecting for the last 2 years and more. I still had my operating system back in its original form - thanks again to Hewlett Packard.
I don't know what to write. If I start typing the whole week that went by, it will take at least 2000 words and I, perhaps, don't have that much patience now! I am a kind of egoist today, I don't feel like sharing much. But I can definitely tell that my father bought a new two-wheeler on Friday. It is Honda Eterno.
I have my second internal tests starting in the next week and the lab externals from 16th of April. The finals will begin on 25th.
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