Saturday, March 3, 2007

A Bit of Madness!

This is my second posting for today. I won't stretch it for long. I can but tell that I do not know what I am going to write but the reason that prompted me to open the 'create post' page of my account is that just a few minutes back I read my last post - yes I did it; I don't usually read what I write on this blog of mine - and I found many spelling and grammatical mistakes. I enjoyed reading it though!

I do some time read my own writing and wonder if it is really me who has written it. I am no mood for any self-praise. If being frank sounds foolish then I think I need to reattach my brain in my skull. I can't, sometimes, stop myself from writing a few things even when I know they say good about me. But when I see that I do write bad things too about myself, I feel that I must do a little good too!

While starting from home for my grandmother's house I was sure that I would go there and finish a book I was reading. There are hardly 35 pages left and I thought I can manage them within an hour. I was wrong. I didn't even open the book. I don't know why but whenever I see that bed in my grandmother's room, I can't think of staying awake. I did the same thing today - slept for more than an hour before the time for leaving for CL came.

I can never for the tea my grandmother prepares. She uses all milk and no water and pends a lot of time stirring it and boiling it. Perhaps instead of the word 'spend' I should have the word 'invest' there. It will make the meaning more accurate given the worth her hard work gives to the tea. It tastes awesome. We usually ask her not to strain herself with it. There is no talking to her on that.

At CL I had a class on geometry. The concepts discussed were interesting and I enjoyed them. But when the exercise sheet was given, I could hardly answer anything. Even my friend didn't do much - I mention this because his inability stopped me from feeling myself weak. The paper was tough. There was no discussion on it. It was already time to go. But I badly needed one. I ought to know the solution of all those questions. They were tough.

By the time I reached home it was almost 9:15 pm. I had a lot talk with my friend who is also a batch-mate of mine in the college. We are good friends now and what I spoke to him today was very important. Not for CAT or studies, but something else I can't mention here. It was important that I start a conversation on this with him. He can help me access some people who can simply make me fall and walk away stepping on me. Alhamdulillah this friend of mine listened and was positive that he can help me.

A little while ago I started an online chat with a close friend and he told me that he thinks I am crying now with tears rolling down my cheeks. He has read Gridlocked he says and he think I am depressed. How do I explain him that I am very much in control of myself? He can because he knows he has to think. I didn't reply when he said that. I just asked him to wait for sometime until I am done with the publishing of this post and he can read it's answer in it. I didn't mean to tell him that I was writing some answer or an explanation to how exactly I am doing now. I understand that my blog and my posts can talk enough on my mood and so will this particular post.

And yes, its a holiday to CL tomorrow. For 'holi'. I confirmed about today's class before leaving home in the afternoon. I called up my friend and asked him. He had already made a call to the office. It hardly mattered. I am ready to attend any number of classes any time of the week.

Two days back when I was checking out the visitors to my blogs, I found that one of them had searched in with the keyword 'Adsophos 2k7'. When I opened that page, I found that the link to my blog topped the list and was above the official Adsophos website. No question if that made me happy of not.

A little more than three minutes back the same friend who told me that he thinks I am crying said "sometimes you are so irritating"! And I replied "ya I know". Then I continued "but according to your ego, you never get irritated". And before he said anything, I wrote more: "or am I joking?". Now what can I do when he asks questions that irritate me. I have friends to keep and all of them are very important to me.

He always keeps pressing on the idea of priorities. I can't let anybody know about my priorities but I am sure they get obvious from how I behave and what all I speak. It's not at all that we have a rude chats online, but I do like irritating him some times. Today I did just what he did to me - irritate. Funny? I never do it with anybody else. My talk with him and also the topics of these talks are always very different and more complicated than what and how I talk to others. But slowly I am finding more friends who can be with me at this level. I love people who talk this way! They are a reflection of me. I wonder how 'some people' are.

No comments: