Some Times In April

Today I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. I repeat, do not let the olive branch fall from my hand.

 - Yasser Arafat, United Nations General Assembly, New York, November 13th, 1974

I got an e-mail from a friend from India who asked me to vote for the present king of Saudi Arabia for the Nobel Peace prize. The moment I saw that I decided I would vote against it. I opened the link that e-mail contained and found a button on that page that read "vote". I thought clicking on it would give options to vote in favor of the king or against the king and so, I clicked it. On the contrary, the web-page gave me a message that thanked me for voting for the king. It just made me say "what?". That king might be the ruler of that country Saudi Arabia but he can't dictate on what I think about him. He might be a king, one of the richest men in the world owning more than $21 billion or even a Muslim. I would never want him to get any prize.

If this king was a true Muslim he would have given up his power and had enforced khilafat in his country. If he was a true Muslim having so much money he would have helped millions of poor dying with hunger in Africa. If he was a true Muslim he would never live in castles made out from money his country men deserve to have. Wikipedia tells about the amount of money he has donated for various purposes. If he was a true Muslim not even his four wives, seven sons and 15 daughters would have come to know about it. He has been ranked No. 5 on Parade Magazine's 2009 World's Worst Dictators list. I would never be in favor of this kind of person getting a Peace Prize.

Saudi Arabia has already been sold to the United States of America. Every time a Saudi king or a prince makes an international statement it is moderated by America. Literacy rate in Saudi Arabia is too less given the amount of wealth its citizens possess. Every few years they build a new university, emulate America, create a western environment and the king takes credit for it. If the king was really interested in getting the people of his country educated, Saudi Arabia could easily afford a hundred new universities every year. The royal family doesn't want the people to get educated. Education is a threat to monarchy.

Recently I read an article that said how 200 Mosques in Mecca have the wrong Quibla direction. I am well aware how many people living in Saudi Arabia practice Islam because it's their culture and not purely because Allah has asked us for it. There are so many fake Shariat laws in effect in Saudi Arabia including the one that gives the government the power to enforce purda. And it's purda which is enforced, not the hijab which Allah wants us to practice. No matter how many years a citizen of other country lives in this kingdom, serves the rich sheiks there, he is never treated like how the locals are treated. I am well aware how South Asians are given second rate treatment even by the police that is supposed to keep law in order. A king of such a country deserves no prize.

I was already angry while returning from work today and this e-mail proved to be a perfect catalyst to it. I was so angry that I had to remind myself of the speed limit on the roads I was driving on. I just wanted to press the gas hard and pour out all the heat my blood had but the rules don't allow anybody do that. Alhamdulillah. All my way back home I was trying my best to find faults in myself and every time I could find even a small piece of it I could feel calmness returning to me. I even forgot to drink the can of soda I had kept by my side. Perhaps I was good by the time I returned to my laptop; I saw this e-mail and it was back to square one again. I never liked Saudi Arabia having a king. But perhaps it's in the best interests on those illiterate people that they are ruled by somebody than given the power to rule themselves. Allah decides; alhamdulillah.

With Mondays

Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society. 

- Mark Twain 

I changed my wallet today. I had been using a black one given to me by my aunt a couple of years back. She and I were cleaning my grandfather's room and found two new black leather wallets in one of his bags. She asked me to keep one of them so that it didn't go waste staying in the same bag. Today, I removed all my money and cards from it and put it in the new one, put the money I had in my suitcase in it and put it back into the suitcase. The new one I am using now was gifted to me by my friends in 2007 on my birthday. It's brown in color. I remember that day.

We went to watch Pink Panther 2 on Monday at night. I had a class till 9:45 pm but the professor was not going to come so I thought I could inshAllah finish the assignments by next class and skip this one. The movie got over at 11 pm, we went to Walmart after that and by the time we reached home, cooked food and had dinner, I am sure it was 2 am. This was an hour early than when I had my dinner after coming home on Sunday. I had slept a little before 7 am to stay in it for 10 hours. I sleep on Mondays alhamdulillah. It's as difficult to get out of bed as it is to get in. It's a fight.

Sunday, just a few hours after talking to my parents I felt like talking to my father again. For an hour I tried to imagine how he would respond. I was sure he would ask me if everything was alright but I just wanted to talk to him. It was uneasy to think how calling my father too needed a reason. Further, I didn't wish to give him any impression that there might be something I am feeling bad about that I wanted to talk to him - I just wanted to talk not even knowing what to talking; it's not what we talk; it's the talk - the time spent. And I called him. Perhaps he understands how one would feel and we spoke as if we hadn't had any conversation for a week. Alhamdulillah. I wish I never have to think twice before I feel like talking to anybody, never have to decide that I shouldn't call and always have the phone number of the person I wish to talk; inshAllah.

A Piece Of Days

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had.

- The Wonder Years

I remember when April 5th was a Friday - it was two years back ; all my classmates were hosting a farewell party for the seniors in Taj Banjara and I had stayed home. Though I never myself had a straight explanation why I wished to stay away, later I thanked Allah I didn't go. There were a few reasons I hardly remember now but one of them was how everybody behaves in a disco. On Thursday I recollected the freshers party in Taj Krishna, I attended when I was in my first year of bachelors more than four years back, when I went to the UT Dallas International Students Dance Party. I didn't go there to dance but just to attend a party. There were several such events all through the week which I had stayed away from so, I thought I should be a student too. It's three years now since this blog came into existence.

On Friday there was a foam-party my roommate friend attended. He asked me to come along but I had plans to prepare chicken biryani with my other roommate friend and I stayed away. Later he told me how he enjoyed though he didn't step into the foam for not having the right kind of footwear. I secretly wished I had been there for a while at least just to see how a foam-party looks like. There is free food too on all such parties that happen here; they happen every other day. There is so much to enjoy - parties, food, indoor and outdoor games, girls, boys money, luxuries - alhamdulillah I never find it difficult being selective.

I see how soda drinks and juices have slowly replaced water in my diet. They taste tastier with food, have calories that help me and make me feel good! My favorite is Dr. Pepper which none of my roommates appreciate. I remember my cousin telling me in one of the iftaar times in Ramzaan that Dr. Pepper tastes weired at first, but if I adjust to it I will never find any drink better than it. He was right. It's no wonder why so many people here especially with non-American origin don't like it - it tastes really weired. I wonder how I ended up liking it - that's weired too. I even like Minute Maid's Fruit Punch.

I met the same cousin on Friday at Walmart in night. He was with his UTD friends who know me too. I always feel great whenever I meet him and even these other guys. They are the kind of people who make me want to say I should be like them. But immediately I realize there are many things I need to learn from them but I would never want to be like any other person I come across. I might fall in love with how these people are, give them the highest respect or even call them the best of people I know, but I love being the person I am alhamdulillah. This cousin always gave me peace and help. He taught me how to order at McDonalds and Subway, taught me the basics of driving here each of which I observe even now, taught me to how girls wearing jeans here is not as bad as I used to think and also taught me how one can enjoy life following Allah's path.

I can recollect the night he was dropping me back to my apartment after a party I was invited to. I asked him why girls wore jeans here even though they always sport scarfs, pray ardently and observe all practices made mandatory by Allah. He told me that I need to get used to it. A few days later I had asked my cousin sister. She gave me a similar answer too. It was only after my long stay in Houston that I understood how my perspective had been illogical. We people from India are a little conservative in our approach about clothing and food. Since January both of these in me have changed - being conservative is not what is needed, being how Allah wants us to be is. Allah asked us for hijaab; never for any particular kind of clothes.

It's All In The Books I Should Read

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.  

- Author Unknown

It's strange how my week starts at 7 pm every Monday. In the class which ended a little more than six hours back the professor said we won't be doing any lab work but students will have to read some of the slides for the class so that he could talk on them and nobody sleeps. I wanted to read some; I tried to sit in a more relaxing way for sometime so that I would catch his attention prompting him to ask me to talk; for a while I tried to show that I was being very attentive in the class by moving closer to the table and putting my hands on them; neither worked. I love talking on such occasions.

After reading a friend's post on music on her blog a few days back I spent a good amount of time trying to find hadees and references from the holy Quran that prohibit music. I have not come across any verse from the holy Quran or a Sahih Hadees that music is prohibited. There are a couple of hadees that do infer a prohibition but interpretation can differ. If music indeed was such a big sin, then Allah Himself would have asked us to keep away from it by mentioning it in the holy Quran. I didn't discuss this matter with many people but read some on the Internet and had talks on it with two of my room-mate friends. I understand I am not learned enough to make big judgements but I will be glad if somebody comes up with a straight forward verse from the holy Quran or Sahih Hadees proclaiming music as sinful.

Cheating, lying and back-biting are bigger sins that must be contained and stayed away from. There are only two hadees that indirectly infer music as sinful and even if they were to be rather more direct, I am sure it's not as big a sin as cheating, lying or back-biting are. My two friends, though are from different countries than I am, were told by their parents that if they listened to music hell will treat their ears with hot wax or oil. I remember being said the same too. When I searched for arguments on music, I found this thing nowhere. I am personally against all forms of activities that take me away from Allah but I cannot accept something to be a sin only because it has some chance of doing so - if it was a sin, Allah would have mentioned it in the holy Quran. If there is anybody reading this and has direct references from the holy Quran and the hadees to guide me, I will be thankful to them. Alhamdulillah.

Four Fifty Five A M

Often, the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it.
- Mark Twain

It's necessary that I read a lot so that I can write frequently and well. It's been almost a year since I have read any fiction or non-fiction book though there is no problem in accessing any of these. When I get time I sit with my laptop and sleep. Otherwise I am in the university attending some classes, at work or enjoying with my room-mate friends. It's been so much time but I am still not able to meet people here I want to visit. Timings simply don't match, I don't get enough of reasons and I prefer being more conservative.

My friends here at the university complain I don't return their calls, don't meet regularly or hardly spend any time with them. I know they understand why it's all this way. They are, I am sure, happy that there is at least somebody they know who works. With things getting tough here, internships drying up and living expenses increasing, it's a blessing to be me. But I am greedy. I don't know what makes me this. I refuse to wait for things to come to me. Many people tell there is a time for everything. I refuse to accept that. Marking for timings and placing events in them has been done by man; Allah didn't ask us to do that. There are orders from Allah and these paradigms dictated my men are against what Allah has asked for. It's a pity how decisions that mean lifetime to people are made based on money and financial status. Allah decides who gets happiness and it's source. Money doesn't decide. Money is very important though.

I came here for money. When I listen to people who say all they need is a decent enough job, a simple average life with just enough money for necessities and simple luxuries, a small family in a cozy home and a peaceful life creates a dislike for them within me. There are many questions I can ask them but I know it makes no difference. Perhaps such people are important too - if everybody started asking for more than average then it would make it difficult for people like me. I understand the intense competition. I never forget what Allah wants from me. This reminds me of a quote from a movie: "I want what all men want, I just want it more". Alhamdulillah.

Three Sticks

"I shouldn't be surprised if it hailed a good deal tomorrow", Eeyore was saying. "Blizzards and what-not. Being fine today doesn't mean anything. It has no sig - what's that word? Well, it has none of that. It's just a small piece of weather."
- The House At Pooh Corner (1928), A. A. Milne

A lecture of around 20 minutes was remaining when I left the class. My laptop's battery was almost out, I knew I wouldn't be able to finish the left over class assignments and I was sure I would be able to read through the slides to understand the left over part of the lecture. The professor was right outside the class talking on phone when I stepped out of the door. He looked at me, I thought I could at least let him know I was leaving, but he was on call and didn't respond to my eyes after the first glance and I left hoping he won't mind. I am sure he won't bother. I just have to finish all the assignments in time inshAllah.

Later I went to Walmart and bought verities of snacks. I always look for the calories marked on all stuff I buy - I go for ones that are rich in them. My room mates look for products with low numbers in them. Perhaps the mistake I did today was going for shopping with an empty stomach. I am pretty sure though I will be having a colorful diet for the coming few days inshAllah. For dinner today I cooked a curry using onions and potatoes and halfway though I added a ready-made packaged curry of okra to it to cook them together. It came out well alhamdulillah. I don't feel good keeping 'Three Sticks' as the title for this post but I need something to record a thought I have been nurturing these days and I guess it's better done this way.

It's not easy for me to recollect my days between September and December 2008. Things changed a lot since I visited Houston. Perhaps the two major factors were my driving licence and a new friend as a room mate who had preferences similar to mine. For me, good people are those who bring out the best out of me, help me keep myself satisfied and enjoy my time. I usually call my father a little before going to bed. Though we had a detailed talk for around 20 minutes when it was 12:15 pm here, he himself called me before I could make the call. It was short but like always making me relish it. Today my mother too called me before I called her - it was 11:12 pm. The afternoon talk with my parents made some difference to three of us.

Just A Small Smackeral

Pooh always liked a little something at eleven o'clock in the morning, and he was very glad to see Rabbit getting out the plates and mugs; and when Rabbit said, "Honey or condensed milk with your bread?" he was so excited that he said, "Both," and then, so as not to seem greedy, he added, "But don't bother about the bread, please."

- A. A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh

It's a pleasant evening today. I opened the patio's door and hear birds chirping. I have little idea about the names of these small birds but their chirping is similar to sparrows or perhaps sweeter. I turned the air conditioner off to enjoy the warm breeze coming from outside. I know it's going to get cold as the night approaches so, it's best to enjoy the weather at this time of the day. Though I haven't seen how it was during the afternoon I am sure it was hot and humid. Even a temperature of 25 degrees Centigrade seems hot at times. Weather can't be trusted here. I think I hear two different kinds of birds.

My classes start again on Monday at 7 pm. I had a weak plan of going to Austin in this Spring break but all I got was two days for myself and I spent almost half of them sleeping. I wanted to spend some time with my cousin sister who lives in Austin because the last time I went there I couldn't even talk to her properly. Austin is three and a half hours drive from Dallas on I35 E South. I 35 E North ends in Denton where a close friend lives. It's not that far from here and I had been thinking of visiting him too. I tend to leave things as they are unless they challenge peace. I had been wanting to visit my father's friend's place too in Bedford but I am not sure how much longer it's going to take.

The other day somebody asked me why I was so dressed up when I was in formal clothes. I returned a smile and said nothing. I can't explain these American people here who know nothing about how it is in the rest of the world. Further more I was sure no matter how much I try I wouldn't be about to explain it to this African American lady that formal clothes are for all occasions and ask her why she believed that wearing them means to be called as being dressed up. I feel more comfortable and confident when I am in formals. I don't bother with how others dress up - it's their personal preference. They shouldn't bother with my preference unless they mean somebody to me. The time for Magrib today is 7:55 pm and Ishan is at 9:30 pm. I have a plan to take a friend to a desi store in Richardson and then for Ishan at the nearby Masjid inshAllah.