I have been thinking about today's posting since afternoon because I told a few of my friends that I would be writing the reason for not willing to be a part of the farewell party preparations and also the party itself in today's post. The poignancy is that I don't have a single valid reason for the said thing. This puts me in a predicament and should I try to justify anything, it would be simple prattling on trivialities. I don't possess any dexterity to give elucidations on what all I say, but I do know what I am saying and I stand by it as long as I find myself judicious.
Chocolate and coffee are two delicacies I love to live on. I like coffee for its exuberantly enthralling taste and chocolate for several reasons including a few emotional ones. I love chocolate when it is luscious, pure and thick. I like taking it little by little, enjoying every dot of it that enters my mouth. I enjoy it till it takes me to a pinnacle of joy - the joy that be obtained by eating something; I can't mean anything more than that; I can't in fact - and after that I am done! I never take more than a mug (400 ml) of coffee in a day - as long as I don't have to keep myself awake for long hours - and so I never reach any form of self-palpable apex with coffee.
At times it so happens that I don't feel like eating chocolate even when I haven't tasted it for hours. I underscore the word 'feel' here. I always believe that it is several times easier to feel than to think and so, I find it appropriate to underscore this word in this given context. Coming back to chocolate - some times I simply don't feel like eating it. Simply.
Music has always been a weakness of mine. In general I hate rap but I find 'walou', 'peelo' and 'mocking bird' somewhat amusing. I don't put the tracks by Linkin Park under rap. I am more penchant towards numbers with good lyrics and a good low bass - beats. And obviously, the songs I listen to are more centered to the kind of feelings I have within me. I highlight the word feelings here! And there are times when I don't feel like listening to any songs - no matter how good they are. Feel ... I am sure the point is made again about this word.
Sometimes I don't feel like eating food in spite of being flummox as to why I 'feel' so. Then there are moments of undefined temptations when I feel like not keeping my eyes open! Some times I don't feel like breathing though my nostrils. Maybe if I push my brain a little further I can give a few more such immutable or irrevocable feelings I experience or perchance, keep experiencing. Feelings ... !
In a similar way I don't feel like being in any link to the farewell party which most of my batch mates and friends are organizing for the seniors who are spending their last days in the college at this time of the year. I don't have a reason for this that can be perceived by any other person but me. May be even if I had somebody who could be called my alter ego, I am half-sure that that person too could have not understood my reason. And after all, it is a feeling, and feelings seldom find any reason for their existence.
This, whatever termed as - reason, unreasonable reason, ludicrous feeling, inanity, or anything - is my justification for keeping away from the above said event. I have nothing against any person involved in it, I am not bringing any truths of religion into this, I don't want to be sanctimonious, it is just a show, I don't want to put forward any excuses, I don't want to make any person coming back to me asking for money and me telling that I would be giving it the next day even while knowing that I would not be doing that, and I don't want to cheat anybody including me.
It won't make any difference if I am not there in the party. There were innumerable such occasions till now in the past and all of them were without me! And I am not a best friend or a closest friend of any person that would make him or her skip the party because I am not going to be there. It is plain and simple - things will go the way they have to indifferent to my behavior.
After the Friday prayers I had my lab internal test for Computer Graphics. I took a little help from a friend sitting beside me in clarifying a few things I was unsure about and I suppose it accounts for cheating. But I don't know if I should feel guilty for it. I don't feel it. I think I could have done the two programs perfectly well even without those clarifications. But they saved some time. Having a friend sitting beside always makes me talk. I would be sinning if I don't call it cheating if it really is. And if it really is, then maybe I should recheck my fundamentals.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Boundary
Yesterday I went to bed at 12:30 am after turning the computer off at 12. I didn't know what to write. Even now as I type this, I do not know what I am going to have in the next sentence.
Right from yesterday I was not completely sure if I was going to the college today. Today morning a friend called and I stayed back home. I had a full breakfast after many days. I have been having a banana, a fried egg and a mug of coffee daily. Last three days I took some other thing and not coffee. Its getting hot here with temperatures soaring day by day. After the breakfast I spent some time in front of the computer and went to sleep again. I slept for more than 3 hours. I felt bad I wasted too much time.
Tomorrow I have a lab internal test in Computer Graphics. I still have to start studying. The test is int he afternoon after the Friday prayers so I guess I have time. This very thing - "I have time" - is the worst thing that always happens. I don't think I need to further explain why I say this. It is pretty apparent.
Yesterday a company named Embedded Infotech selected some students from 3rd year CSE and IT branches. We had an aptitude cum technical test. Many must have qualified given that the test was simple enough. But only a few selected students were shortlisted. One of my friends too was there in the list. The next round saw a technical interview. He couldn't somehow manage that. I told my parents about everything. In contrast to my expectations, they didn't react the way I thought they would.
I was in the college yesterday till 6:10 pm. I had a class at CL from 6:30 pm. It was a workshop on quantitative analysis and we discussed Arithmetic topics like percentages, profit & loss, time-speed-distance, allegations and a little more. I reached home around 9:30 pm. In the mean while both my parents called me at least 5 times. They forgot that I had a class in the evening. I had earlier in the day called up my brother to inform him about the same. And when my brother told my mother that I had a class, she didn't understand it! I had to do a bit of controlling of my anger.
Right from yesterday I was not completely sure if I was going to the college today. Today morning a friend called and I stayed back home. I had a full breakfast after many days. I have been having a banana, a fried egg and a mug of coffee daily. Last three days I took some other thing and not coffee. Its getting hot here with temperatures soaring day by day. After the breakfast I spent some time in front of the computer and went to sleep again. I slept for more than 3 hours. I felt bad I wasted too much time.
Tomorrow I have a lab internal test in Computer Graphics. I still have to start studying. The test is int he afternoon after the Friday prayers so I guess I have time. This very thing - "I have time" - is the worst thing that always happens. I don't think I need to further explain why I say this. It is pretty apparent.
Yesterday a company named Embedded Infotech selected some students from 3rd year CSE and IT branches. We had an aptitude cum technical test. Many must have qualified given that the test was simple enough. But only a few selected students were shortlisted. One of my friends too was there in the list. The next round saw a technical interview. He couldn't somehow manage that. I told my parents about everything. In contrast to my expectations, they didn't react the way I thought they would.
I was in the college yesterday till 6:10 pm. I had a class at CL from 6:30 pm. It was a workshop on quantitative analysis and we discussed Arithmetic topics like percentages, profit & loss, time-speed-distance, allegations and a little more. I reached home around 9:30 pm. In the mean while both my parents called me at least 5 times. They forgot that I had a class in the evening. I had earlier in the day called up my brother to inform him about the same. And when my brother told my mother that I had a class, she didn't understand it! I had to do a bit of controlling of my anger.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Priority
Today afternoon along with 3 of my friends I went to Durgam Cheruvu. We just sat on its boundary wall and didn't enter the lawns. We cracked lots of jokes, had some fun on our way back at 'Metropolis', and I reached home just before 6 pm.
Yesterday evening we had a small dinner party at a cousin's house and by the time I reached home it was 11:30 pm. Earlier yesterday, I went to watch the movie '300'. It was nice. But I have seen better movies!
And the reason why I wasn't updating my blog is that my operating system crashed completely on Friday and I lost more than 60 Gb of data. I can get a few things back, but a good part of it can never be recreated. I lost some things I have been collecting for the last 2 years and more. I still had my operating system back in its original form - thanks again to Hewlett Packard.
I don't know what to write. If I start typing the whole week that went by, it will take at least 2000 words and I, perhaps, don't have that much patience now! I am a kind of egoist today, I don't feel like sharing much. But I can definitely tell that my father bought a new two-wheeler on Friday. It is Honda Eterno.
I have my second internal tests starting in the next week and the lab externals from 16th of April. The finals will begin on 25th.
Yesterday evening we had a small dinner party at a cousin's house and by the time I reached home it was 11:30 pm. Earlier yesterday, I went to watch the movie '300'. It was nice. But I have seen better movies!
And the reason why I wasn't updating my blog is that my operating system crashed completely on Friday and I lost more than 60 Gb of data. I can get a few things back, but a good part of it can never be recreated. I lost some things I have been collecting for the last 2 years and more. I still had my operating system back in its original form - thanks again to Hewlett Packard.
I don't know what to write. If I start typing the whole week that went by, it will take at least 2000 words and I, perhaps, don't have that much patience now! I am a kind of egoist today, I don't feel like sharing much. But I can definitely tell that my father bought a new two-wheeler on Friday. It is Honda Eterno.
I have my second internal tests starting in the next week and the lab externals from 16th of April. The finals will begin on 25th.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Maudlin?
I opened my blog today and found that the last post I published was on 12th and it is 15th already. I didn’t feel anything because I didn't think anything about it! This might sound silly to read but it means a lot more than what can be understood by anybody.
Today after the college I had ice cream at Baskin and Robins, the one opposite to Care Hospital. I had chocolate almond and it was one of the best ice creams I ever had. The most important part is that I was with my friends and I was a mélange of happiness, bliss and love. All the laconic times I am having now will never leave me.
Yesterday a friend was telling me that there is a lot more to be done and things are not settled yet. My reply was it is perchance a good idea to take everything out of happiness as long it stays with us; we never know what the next second would bring. What I meant was that, the way I am trying to make the best out what I am presently indubitably may not be the same tomorrow. Many things in life are ephemeral.
What I showed today morning was a saddening side of me I didn’t know ever existed. I forgot to take my lab record to the college. I had a lab internal for Computer Networks and it was invariably obvious that the lecturer wouldn’t let me write the test if I went in without the record. I had studied in the morning and like I do daily, I simply took my bag and left for the college. At 9:30 am I realized that I was in a problem.
At 9:55 am one of my friends came to the college, took another friend’s two-wheeler, went home and brought a record. The record belonged to my friend and the changing of the name too was done by the same friend. I didn’t know and I continue not knowing how I must thank for the concern my friend has shown. I wonder if I can ever be such a good person.
The lab internal was enough to leave me not quibbling on anything; not even disappointed. All this even when I couldn’t execute the program and I don’t remember giving even a single to-the-point answer to the questions posed to me during the viva. This might be in a way presenting a kind of picture that says that I am not at all serious about my studies. I don’t find it necessary to give any explanations. Do I sound impertinent?
There are several hours that escaped from being blogged. Some because of my indolence, some because they were impalpable, and some because I do keep a life private and classified from my blog! Yesterday my cousin did ask me to write a little on things I have been eluding from giving them a form. I rather prefer a 'simple' sentence: “I am a lackey of my own emotions and the last thing I would do is create a labyrinth too lachrymose besides offering any ideas of the immaculate mellifluous milieu I am surrounded with”.
Today after the college I had ice cream at Baskin and Robins, the one opposite to Care Hospital. I had chocolate almond and it was one of the best ice creams I ever had. The most important part is that I was with my friends and I was a mélange of happiness, bliss and love. All the laconic times I am having now will never leave me.
Yesterday a friend was telling me that there is a lot more to be done and things are not settled yet. My reply was it is perchance a good idea to take everything out of happiness as long it stays with us; we never know what the next second would bring. What I meant was that, the way I am trying to make the best out what I am presently indubitably may not be the same tomorrow. Many things in life are ephemeral.
What I showed today morning was a saddening side of me I didn’t know ever existed. I forgot to take my lab record to the college. I had a lab internal for Computer Networks and it was invariably obvious that the lecturer wouldn’t let me write the test if I went in without the record. I had studied in the morning and like I do daily, I simply took my bag and left for the college. At 9:30 am I realized that I was in a problem.
At 9:55 am one of my friends came to the college, took another friend’s two-wheeler, went home and brought a record. The record belonged to my friend and the changing of the name too was done by the same friend. I didn’t know and I continue not knowing how I must thank for the concern my friend has shown. I wonder if I can ever be such a good person.
The lab internal was enough to leave me not quibbling on anything; not even disappointed. All this even when I couldn’t execute the program and I don’t remember giving even a single to-the-point answer to the questions posed to me during the viva. This might be in a way presenting a kind of picture that says that I am not at all serious about my studies. I don’t find it necessary to give any explanations. Do I sound impertinent?
There are several hours that escaped from being blogged. Some because of my indolence, some because they were impalpable, and some because I do keep a life private and classified from my blog! Yesterday my cousin did ask me to write a little on things I have been eluding from giving them a form. I rather prefer a 'simple' sentence: “I am a lackey of my own emotions and the last thing I would do is create a labyrinth too lachrymose besides offering any ideas of the immaculate mellifluous milieu I am surrounded with”.
Monday, March 12, 2007
I am not asinine
Somehow I thought I shouldn't be writing much in the blog at a time when I find so much moving and changing. But all along I still wonder if there really are things that are moving and changing. I have already believed in some things to be my destiny and destiny never moves. It is not my mistake if I sound idiosyncratic; I am moving!
My printer is giving me some serious problems. I got my cartridge refilled and have also tried a friend's cartridge on it. The paper moves and comes out with nothing printed on it. My friend to is said to have a similar problem. I am worried as I have two lab internal tests coming up and I have to submit my record files for which I would be needing printouts of many programs. I don;t know what to do and whose help to take to get things fixed.
I reached home a little before 5 pm today. It was after a long time that I reached early. I started alone for the college. My friend who usually accompanies me had a class and I didn't wait for him. I didn't feel like waiting. We had a talk on the phone and he said he is angry with me. Just that his voice was laughing and silently uttering that he didn't mean to say that.
My printer is giving me some serious problems. I got my cartridge refilled and have also tried a friend's cartridge on it. The paper moves and comes out with nothing printed on it. My friend to is said to have a similar problem. I am worried as I have two lab internal tests coming up and I have to submit my record files for which I would be needing printouts of many programs. I don;t know what to do and whose help to take to get things fixed.
I reached home a little before 5 pm today. It was after a long time that I reached early. I started alone for the college. My friend who usually accompanies me had a class and I didn't wait for him. I didn't feel like waiting. We had a talk on the phone and he said he is angry with me. Just that his voice was laughing and silently uttering that he didn't mean to say that.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday Afternoon
Sometime back I returned from CL and had my breakfast. Today and yesterday evening we were busy with Geometry. It was a bit difficult when compared to other topics like algebra and number systems. InshAllah I will manage.
Yesterday I woke up at 9 pm sharp. I couldn't believe I actually did it. The night before I had slept late as usual and as Saturday was a holiday I was thinking of having a good sleep. But even as I wanted to sleep more, I had that thing in my mind which said I have be awake and work a little. Alhamdulillah Allah helped me by not providing electricity to my house in the morning. I had no option but to move out of the bed.
Friday evening along with my parents and brother I went out for dinner. We had some plans of having dinner outside on 6th to celebrate my brother's birthday. Somehow we couldn't and so, it was Friday. We had it at Cinnamon.
Yesterday I woke up at 9 pm sharp. I couldn't believe I actually did it. The night before I had slept late as usual and as Saturday was a holiday I was thinking of having a good sleep. But even as I wanted to sleep more, I had that thing in my mind which said I have be awake and work a little. Alhamdulillah Allah helped me by not providing electricity to my house in the morning. I had no option but to move out of the bed.
Friday evening along with my parents and brother I went out for dinner. We had some plans of having dinner outside on 6th to celebrate my brother's birthday. Somehow we couldn't and so, it was Friday. We had it at Cinnamon.
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