I opened my blog today and found that the last post I published was on 12th and it is 15th already. I didn’t feel anything because I didn't think anything about it! This might sound silly to read but it means a lot more than what can be understood by anybody.
Today after the college I had ice cream at Baskin and Robins, the one opposite to Care Hospital. I had chocolate almond and it was one of the best ice creams I ever had. The most important part is that I was with my friends and I was a mélange of happiness, bliss and love. All the laconic times I am having now will never leave me.
Yesterday a friend was telling me that there is a lot more to be done and things are not settled yet. My reply was it is perchance a good idea to take everything out of happiness as long it stays with us; we never know what the next second would bring. What I meant was that, the way I am trying to make the best out what I am presently indubitably may not be the same tomorrow. Many things in life are ephemeral.
What I showed today morning was a saddening side of me I didn’t know ever existed. I forgot to take my lab record to the college. I had a lab internal for Computer Networks and it was invariably obvious that the lecturer wouldn’t let me write the test if I went in without the record. I had studied in the morning and like I do daily, I simply took my bag and left for the college. At 9:30 am I realized that I was in a problem.
At 9:55 am one of my friends came to the college, took another friend’s two-wheeler, went home and brought a record. The record belonged to my friend and the changing of the name too was done by the same friend. I didn’t know and I continue not knowing how I must thank for the concern my friend has shown. I wonder if I can ever be such a good person.
The lab internal was enough to leave me not quibbling on anything; not even disappointed. All this even when I couldn’t execute the program and I don’t remember giving even a single to-the-point answer to the questions posed to me during the viva. This might be in a way presenting a kind of picture that says that I am not at all serious about my studies. I don’t find it necessary to give any explanations. Do I sound impertinent?
There are several hours that escaped from being blogged. Some because of my indolence, some because they were impalpable, and some because I do keep a life private and classified from my blog! Yesterday my cousin did ask me to write a little on things I have been eluding from giving them a form. I rather prefer a 'simple' sentence: “I am a lackey of my own emotions and the last thing I would do is create a labyrinth too lachrymose besides offering any ideas of the immaculate mellifluous milieu I am surrounded with”.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
I am not asinine
Somehow I thought I shouldn't be writing much in the blog at a time when I find so much moving and changing. But all along I still wonder if there really are things that are moving and changing. I have already believed in some things to be my destiny and destiny never moves. It is not my mistake if I sound idiosyncratic; I am moving!
My printer is giving me some serious problems. I got my cartridge refilled and have also tried a friend's cartridge on it. The paper moves and comes out with nothing printed on it. My friend to is said to have a similar problem. I am worried as I have two lab internal tests coming up and I have to submit my record files for which I would be needing printouts of many programs. I don;t know what to do and whose help to take to get things fixed.
I reached home a little before 5 pm today. It was after a long time that I reached early. I started alone for the college. My friend who usually accompanies me had a class and I didn't wait for him. I didn't feel like waiting. We had a talk on the phone and he said he is angry with me. Just that his voice was laughing and silently uttering that he didn't mean to say that.
My printer is giving me some serious problems. I got my cartridge refilled and have also tried a friend's cartridge on it. The paper moves and comes out with nothing printed on it. My friend to is said to have a similar problem. I am worried as I have two lab internal tests coming up and I have to submit my record files for which I would be needing printouts of many programs. I don;t know what to do and whose help to take to get things fixed.
I reached home a little before 5 pm today. It was after a long time that I reached early. I started alone for the college. My friend who usually accompanies me had a class and I didn't wait for him. I didn't feel like waiting. We had a talk on the phone and he said he is angry with me. Just that his voice was laughing and silently uttering that he didn't mean to say that.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Sunday Afternoon
Sometime back I returned from CL and had my breakfast. Today and yesterday evening we were busy with Geometry. It was a bit difficult when compared to other topics like algebra and number systems. InshAllah I will manage.
Yesterday I woke up at 9 pm sharp. I couldn't believe I actually did it. The night before I had slept late as usual and as Saturday was a holiday I was thinking of having a good sleep. But even as I wanted to sleep more, I had that thing in my mind which said I have be awake and work a little. Alhamdulillah Allah helped me by not providing electricity to my house in the morning. I had no option but to move out of the bed.
Friday evening along with my parents and brother I went out for dinner. We had some plans of having dinner outside on 6th to celebrate my brother's birthday. Somehow we couldn't and so, it was Friday. We had it at Cinnamon.
Yesterday I woke up at 9 pm sharp. I couldn't believe I actually did it. The night before I had slept late as usual and as Saturday was a holiday I was thinking of having a good sleep. But even as I wanted to sleep more, I had that thing in my mind which said I have be awake and work a little. Alhamdulillah Allah helped me by not providing electricity to my house in the morning. I had no option but to move out of the bed.
Friday evening along with my parents and brother I went out for dinner. We had some plans of having dinner outside on 6th to celebrate my brother's birthday. Somehow we couldn't and so, it was Friday. We had it at Cinnamon.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
A beginning ... there will be no end
I deleted one of my blogs today. It had three posts out of which two were poems. I somehow felt that it shouldn't be available online or in the public. I could have converted it into a private blog but I felt that it is better off deleted. I am happy I did it. I am happy for many things today. Allah has been very kind to me. I have my emotions feeling in my eyes as I write this. I don't know how to thank Allah for everything. I write this not only for the reason my friends know me to be happy for today, there is one more thing too I don't want to mention it yet. InshAllah I will share that soon.
I came home after 6 pm today. I was in the college till 5:10 pm. After reaching home I immediately turned on the computer. I took a break from it at around 6:30 pm and was back with it again. Then I had some conversations on the phone with a few of my friends. I got two ink cartridges refilled today - a friend's and mine. I still have to buy the complete bottle of ink which would let me do the refills at home.
Later, after three trips to Tolichowki cross roads - two for the cartridges and one for getting dinner from outside - I sat down to write the certificates for the people who where organizers and volunteers during Adsophos. As against my thinking that it would be take a lot of time for me to finish the work, it hardly took any. The pointed-tip permanent-marker which I bought today was of good help. Previously I was finding it a bit tiring to use a gel pen. It didn't give me the freedom to move the tip fast on the paper.
Today my mother came home late. She had been to my grandmother's house. Then she had to prepare for a class which she will be taking tomorrow at Co-operative Training Institute (CTI). It is outside the city. I am not sure but as far as remember it is near Vikharabad. She just told me that she had to look back at a subject she last saw more than five years back. Tomorrow she will be teaching that to some younger employees. And as she was busy and tired today, we had out dinner brought home from outside. It was 'nahaari' with 'naan' and also chicken 'biryaani'!
Tomorrow we will be having a small party at college. I am not sure what exactly it is going to be but we will also be given certificates for being a part of Adsophos. There is supposed to be some ceremony too - for the certificate distribution. It should start by 3 pm. It is a Friday so I will be having classes till 12:30 pm.
I came home after 6 pm today. I was in the college till 5:10 pm. After reaching home I immediately turned on the computer. I took a break from it at around 6:30 pm and was back with it again. Then I had some conversations on the phone with a few of my friends. I got two ink cartridges refilled today - a friend's and mine. I still have to buy the complete bottle of ink which would let me do the refills at home.
Later, after three trips to Tolichowki cross roads - two for the cartridges and one for getting dinner from outside - I sat down to write the certificates for the people who where organizers and volunteers during Adsophos. As against my thinking that it would be take a lot of time for me to finish the work, it hardly took any. The pointed-tip permanent-marker which I bought today was of good help. Previously I was finding it a bit tiring to use a gel pen. It didn't give me the freedom to move the tip fast on the paper.
Today my mother came home late. She had been to my grandmother's house. Then she had to prepare for a class which she will be taking tomorrow at Co-operative Training Institute (CTI). It is outside the city. I am not sure but as far as remember it is near Vikharabad. She just told me that she had to look back at a subject she last saw more than five years back. Tomorrow she will be teaching that to some younger employees. And as she was busy and tired today, we had out dinner brought home from outside. It was 'nahaari' with 'naan' and also chicken 'biryaani'!
Tomorrow we will be having a small party at college. I am not sure what exactly it is going to be but we will also be given certificates for being a part of Adsophos. There is supposed to be some ceremony too - for the certificate distribution. It should start by 3 pm. It is a Friday so I will be having classes till 12:30 pm.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Difference
As once I have written in this blog that it is some times nice that I don't put an update when I am not in the best of my moods, I did the same thing yesterday. But I really don't know if my mood was bad enough. Perhaps it was not my mood but something else I didn't wish my blog to reflect. But no matter how much I try I can't escape a few things - I am writing an update today and it is telling clearly that there was something that I don't want to write. It can't be more obvious. I am bound by my feelings to have today's post written in a confusing manner. I won't make much sense!
When I slept on Saturday night - morning to be more clear - I was charged up. I had a lot of vigor within me that could have made me do anything. It was nice that I slept. Sometimes it is nice and in the best of interests that I don't do anything. But anyways I don't remember me doing much. I am more of inactivity except online! The raw vigor had turned into some refined strength. But it all collapsed yesterday after the college. It was around 4 pm if I remember it well. I was disappointed with myself.
But my friend was there to help me. What I wanted to start did start with that friend's help. But it didn't go much ahead. It was supposed to be like the whole world coming down for me. But even that didn't happen. I had my friends around me, for me, and that helped me to remain like me. I left for home. And I slept.
When I woke up, I realized that I had left my phone unattended for quiet long and it was in silent mode. I found many missed calls and a messages in it. I felt a little bad that I forgot to put it on 'general'. The calls were more important than the sleep.
Today morning when I woke up, I couldn't think of anything - I had stomach ache. I somehow pushed myself to get ready. I avoided eating the daily banana and used 'Bournvita' instead of coffee in the milk. Just before leaving, I had to reconsider going to the college. But it was important for me to go. I had not attended the Computer Graphics class for long, I had missed it even yesterday when I thought that period to be of another subject. I pulled an antacid in my mouth and left not listening to my mother who was asking me to stay home. She perhaps thought I had to meet somebody today! This happened before once.
Allah relieved me of the pain in less than 30 minutes. It was a wonderful feeling being back to normal. We can understand good health only when we know what pain and bad health is. Like I always say this, Allah has always been kind to me. SubhanAllah.
In the afternoon I had the lab for computer Graphics. I was expecting the lecturer to get angry wit me a little. Though I had submitted my lab record, I had not done those programs by myself and my attendance too in this subject was low. She was calling everybody to ask about the programs done. When my turn came, I had to be a little low on my integrity ethics! Today I had done just one program and that too was with the help of some existing programs and also my neighbor. In fact I can say that I had copied it completely. She was satisfied with my answers. I pity myself.
A few minutes later I asked her if I could have my record file back. She took it and started checking it first. She had already corrected it. She asked me how I could print all those programs when I had not done them by myself. I told her I copied. When she asked me from where I copied them, I told her "from here and there"! I am sure she expected some lie from me. She was happy with my answers again. She asked me to write he page numbers in the record and returned it to me.
During the lunch I called my aunt who lives in Mecca. She was not well and I had been wanting to talk to her for the last few days. She said she is fine now. Alhamdulillah. She met with an Indian doctor there who is from Kerala and he is good enough to give her the required treatment. She still has to undergo some tests and inshAllah they all will show her normal. It was really talking to her. I missed her a lot after she left India in January. I can still hear her two sons calling my name. They were so sweet.
After coming home I took a very short nap. When my father came home he told me about the telephone conversation he had today with his eldest brother. He had just heard from him after several years. I was glad to know that my uncle knows me by my name. He said he was going to retire soon from his office there. When my father asked him to come to India, he instead asked him to come over there to France. My father explained to him that there are more people here he could meet than the ones my father can meet if he goes there.
When my father asked him to come here, he started calculating in Euroes how much it would all mean to cost him. He also tried to calculate his expenditure on tea and cigarettes if he comes here. He surely remembers his days here and being in France for 34 years has made him like that. I somehow tried to relate him to what I am learning from the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. I am looking forward to meet him.
When I slept on Saturday night - morning to be more clear - I was charged up. I had a lot of vigor within me that could have made me do anything. It was nice that I slept. Sometimes it is nice and in the best of interests that I don't do anything. But anyways I don't remember me doing much. I am more of inactivity except online! The raw vigor had turned into some refined strength. But it all collapsed yesterday after the college. It was around 4 pm if I remember it well. I was disappointed with myself.
But my friend was there to help me. What I wanted to start did start with that friend's help. But it didn't go much ahead. It was supposed to be like the whole world coming down for me. But even that didn't happen. I had my friends around me, for me, and that helped me to remain like me. I left for home. And I slept.
When I woke up, I realized that I had left my phone unattended for quiet long and it was in silent mode. I found many missed calls and a messages in it. I felt a little bad that I forgot to put it on 'general'. The calls were more important than the sleep.
Today morning when I woke up, I couldn't think of anything - I had stomach ache. I somehow pushed myself to get ready. I avoided eating the daily banana and used 'Bournvita' instead of coffee in the milk. Just before leaving, I had to reconsider going to the college. But it was important for me to go. I had not attended the Computer Graphics class for long, I had missed it even yesterday when I thought that period to be of another subject. I pulled an antacid in my mouth and left not listening to my mother who was asking me to stay home. She perhaps thought I had to meet somebody today! This happened before once.
Allah relieved me of the pain in less than 30 minutes. It was a wonderful feeling being back to normal. We can understand good health only when we know what pain and bad health is. Like I always say this, Allah has always been kind to me. SubhanAllah.
In the afternoon I had the lab for computer Graphics. I was expecting the lecturer to get angry wit me a little. Though I had submitted my lab record, I had not done those programs by myself and my attendance too in this subject was low. She was calling everybody to ask about the programs done. When my turn came, I had to be a little low on my integrity ethics! Today I had done just one program and that too was with the help of some existing programs and also my neighbor. In fact I can say that I had copied it completely. She was satisfied with my answers. I pity myself.
A few minutes later I asked her if I could have my record file back. She took it and started checking it first. She had already corrected it. She asked me how I could print all those programs when I had not done them by myself. I told her I copied. When she asked me from where I copied them, I told her "from here and there"! I am sure she expected some lie from me. She was happy with my answers again. She asked me to write he page numbers in the record and returned it to me.
During the lunch I called my aunt who lives in Mecca. She was not well and I had been wanting to talk to her for the last few days. She said she is fine now. Alhamdulillah. She met with an Indian doctor there who is from Kerala and he is good enough to give her the required treatment. She still has to undergo some tests and inshAllah they all will show her normal. It was really talking to her. I missed her a lot after she left India in January. I can still hear her two sons calling my name. They were so sweet.
After coming home I took a very short nap. When my father came home he told me about the telephone conversation he had today with his eldest brother. He had just heard from him after several years. I was glad to know that my uncle knows me by my name. He said he was going to retire soon from his office there. When my father asked him to come to India, he instead asked him to come over there to France. My father explained to him that there are more people here he could meet than the ones my father can meet if he goes there.
When my father asked him to come here, he started calculating in Euroes how much it would all mean to cost him. He also tried to calculate his expenditure on tea and cigarettes if he comes here. He surely remembers his days here and being in France for 34 years has made him like that. I somehow tried to relate him to what I am learning from the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad'. I am looking forward to meet him.
Monday, March 5, 2007
Monday
Sometime back I was thinking that I won't be updating the blog today. But somehow felt like taking some time out. Out of something that is of not much importance, but just a commitment I had made and enjoying it. I brought home a hard-drive belonging to a friend of mine. There were around 40 movies in it. I copied all of them onto my hard-drive.
I formatted this friend's drive. Created four partitions on it. And now i am copying back the movies in them. Previously there were just two partitions - one of 31 Mb and the other of around 140 Gb. The drive is of 160 Gb and it had some problem in it. The bigger of the two partitions was in NTFS format. I used Partition Magic 8.0 and made the four partitions in FAT32 format. Its taking a lot of time and patience. I had to return this as a favor - my pleasure.
Before that I had some over-eating. I drank tea, had sweets, lot of grapes and then my food. I was fearing some problem with my stomach, but Alhamdulillah I am fine. I kept my dinner a bit heavy too as the curry and the type of rice were my favorite - 'khaageena' and 'bagaara khaana'. There was biryaani, plain rice and two more curries which I left untouched.
In the evening a friend of mine cam over to my house. We watched some selected parts of the movie 'Troy' and discussed a little about them. We also kept bugging each other for long. While on the way home he said something and I punched him hard on his bone a little above the cheek. It was red for long. I didn't really mean to beat him and never can I think of beating him so hard. I was wanting to hit his shoulder when his cheek came in between.
I felt very bad that I did it. Even now I have some guilt feeling within me. I asked him to beat me back. Then I stopped him from doing it. He too wasn't much interested for a counter. I know I can' bear the pain I gave him. If he was not my friend, perhaps I would have been lying on a hospital bed right now! I am sorry for the pain I gave him. JazakAllah Kharan.
After he left I had a good chat with online with a friend. It was necessary that I talk all that. It is always a blessing to have such sweet friends and no matter what I do I know I can't thank Allah for all this. I don't even know any proper ways to thank my friends. It feels great to have people who can advice me and be my critics alongside being the best of all those in my life. I wonder if I can ever match them and return the same.
I write this not just for the two friends I have mentioned here, but also for all those who have been there for me and continue to be there. Presently in my mind I also have two more friends - one who messaged me sometime back making me feel that I am worthy of something, and the one who changed his picture on Orkut when I asked him to do it.
I formatted this friend's drive. Created four partitions on it. And now i am copying back the movies in them. Previously there were just two partitions - one of 31 Mb and the other of around 140 Gb. The drive is of 160 Gb and it had some problem in it. The bigger of the two partitions was in NTFS format. I used Partition Magic 8.0 and made the four partitions in FAT32 format. Its taking a lot of time and patience. I had to return this as a favor - my pleasure.
Before that I had some over-eating. I drank tea, had sweets, lot of grapes and then my food. I was fearing some problem with my stomach, but Alhamdulillah I am fine. I kept my dinner a bit heavy too as the curry and the type of rice were my favorite - 'khaageena' and 'bagaara khaana'. There was biryaani, plain rice and two more curries which I left untouched.
In the evening a friend of mine cam over to my house. We watched some selected parts of the movie 'Troy' and discussed a little about them. We also kept bugging each other for long. While on the way home he said something and I punched him hard on his bone a little above the cheek. It was red for long. I didn't really mean to beat him and never can I think of beating him so hard. I was wanting to hit his shoulder when his cheek came in between.
I felt very bad that I did it. Even now I have some guilt feeling within me. I asked him to beat me back. Then I stopped him from doing it. He too wasn't much interested for a counter. I know I can' bear the pain I gave him. If he was not my friend, perhaps I would have been lying on a hospital bed right now! I am sorry for the pain I gave him. JazakAllah Kharan.
After he left I had a good chat with online with a friend. It was necessary that I talk all that. It is always a blessing to have such sweet friends and no matter what I do I know I can't thank Allah for all this. I don't even know any proper ways to thank my friends. It feels great to have people who can advice me and be my critics alongside being the best of all those in my life. I wonder if I can ever match them and return the same.
I write this not just for the two friends I have mentioned here, but also for all those who have been there for me and continue to be there. Presently in my mind I also have two more friends - one who messaged me sometime back making me feel that I am worthy of something, and the one who changed his picture on Orkut when I asked him to do it.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
It is enough to breath?
It was a good and satisfying day for me. There were still things I had wanted to do but didn't. I woke up a little before 12 noon. Had my breakfast and sat in front of the computer. My father had asked me to prepare a few questions in mathematics for students of 4th to 7th standard. He is going to have some test taken for them in his school. I took around 30 minutes to make the question paper. I took the help of internet and framed some questions by myself.
In the evening I finished the reading of a book. I had stopped reading that book some days back but just because I wanted to start this new book I bought , I found the necessity to read it till the end and finish it. For those who remember reading the name of 'Magnet People' in my blog, I would like to tell that it is the very book I have completed! I spent months with it. It was very small - 115 pages. I brought it this far. I read so many other things in the meanwhile.
The book I have bought is 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' by Robert T. Kiyosaki. I came to know abut this book from an instructor at CL while in the Personality Development Program session. One of my classmates at CL has started reading it he is already impressed by it. The book teaches business and its related strategies and how money needs to be made and not earned. I understand that no person will get rich by reading such books, but I also understand that people who are rich know all these things and it is always good know all of it without getting rich! I accept my answer is not convincing. The book is supposed to be a 'must-read' and I will be reading it. Our life never becomes a perfect story if we read novels.
We finally got a light fixed on the wall behind my computer. I had always wanted it because the light from the one on the wall opposite to it directly pinches my eyes when the computer screen reflects it on them. With the new light on it seems as if something big has changed in this living room. We also got a similar new lamp fixed in one of the bedrooms. My brother sits there while studying and he wanted it.
From tomorrow start my brother's final examinations. It is his Arabic paper tomorrow and her went to bed just a few minutes back. The exam starts at 8 am and the examination is some college at Rethi Bowli. My father would be dropping him and he will come back home by himself. Its 5th tomorrow and on 6th is his birthday. He will be busy studying and won't have any celebration. I have to gift him something and I do not know what to give. I asked him if there is something specific he wants. He didn't say anything.
Since many days back I had been wanting to write something for Flowing Emotions. I have already mentioned about this in one of my recent posts. Today I also got a comment on Gridlocked asking telling me that a post on Flowing Emotions is awaited. It was like a motivation for me and I posted something a little while ago. The title is 'Nationalism and Patriotism and Dangerous Ideas'. This can be a provocative piece of writing but I mean to write it. I have been thinking about it for some time now.
My last post on Flowing Emotions was in January. I didn't write for more than two months for that blog. Today when I opened MS - Word, it was hard for me to find the right ideas to type. I didn't know what direction to take and what all to tell. I typed some things which I later deleted thinking that they would be more naive and silly. I also felt a few things as useless to be written and some things as subjective enough to be left behind.
I didn't really keep a track of what I was writing until I came to point where I thought I could end the post. And I did it. I wasn't satisfied with what all I had written but after reading it and editing it a little, I felt better and happy. I still search for some person who can help me learn how to write effective and how to keep on writing. I am also afraid that I am not growing much with my English skills. There is a lot more to be learned. I am not a writer yet! :D
Today I told my parents that I wrote about my mother calling my father as Mr. Bean. My mother after hearing it said that she didn't mean to call him Mr. Bean but she only meant my father was behaving like Mr. Bean. Father coolly said that was what reporting is all about - a thing compared to something is equivalent to that thing being called that something! He was in a casual mood and he didn't mind me writing about all of it the way I wrote it. He read nothing and I hope he never reads anything. My brother didn't like my idea of having all this on my blog.
Currently I am nervous about something. I spoke about it on phone wit a friend and he advised me what all he could think of. I needed it all. There is something very important for me that is to be done. I pity I can't write anything about it here. If I could, then perhaps it would have made me feel better. I always feel nice after letting my blog know how I am feeling about a particular thing or anything, mostly.
If I am able to do what I am thinking of, then my life will change forever. It can be good and it can be bad. But in any case it won't effect any person. Except me and maybe one more. If it is bad, then the person moved will be me alone. If it is good, it is going to be the best thing I can think of presently. I am sure anyone knowing me will get a clear hint of what I am saying here.
There is a blog I read regularly. It is written by the same person who left a comment on Gridlocked (I mention this just to tell who the person is). I can't write any names here. I found a good article on her blog and I feel like sharing it. I have taken her permission to publish it here and it is very much her intellectual property. I just share it here.
In the evening I finished the reading of a book. I had stopped reading that book some days back but just because I wanted to start this new book I bought , I found the necessity to read it till the end and finish it. For those who remember reading the name of 'Magnet People' in my blog, I would like to tell that it is the very book I have completed! I spent months with it. It was very small - 115 pages. I brought it this far. I read so many other things in the meanwhile.
The book I have bought is 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' by Robert T. Kiyosaki. I came to know abut this book from an instructor at CL while in the Personality Development Program session. One of my classmates at CL has started reading it he is already impressed by it. The book teaches business and its related strategies and how money needs to be made and not earned. I understand that no person will get rich by reading such books, but I also understand that people who are rich know all these things and it is always good know all of it without getting rich! I accept my answer is not convincing. The book is supposed to be a 'must-read' and I will be reading it. Our life never becomes a perfect story if we read novels.
We finally got a light fixed on the wall behind my computer. I had always wanted it because the light from the one on the wall opposite to it directly pinches my eyes when the computer screen reflects it on them. With the new light on it seems as if something big has changed in this living room. We also got a similar new lamp fixed in one of the bedrooms. My brother sits there while studying and he wanted it.
From tomorrow start my brother's final examinations. It is his Arabic paper tomorrow and her went to bed just a few minutes back. The exam starts at 8 am and the examination is some college at Rethi Bowli. My father would be dropping him and he will come back home by himself. Its 5th tomorrow and on 6th is his birthday. He will be busy studying and won't have any celebration. I have to gift him something and I do not know what to give. I asked him if there is something specific he wants. He didn't say anything.
Since many days back I had been wanting to write something for Flowing Emotions. I have already mentioned about this in one of my recent posts. Today I also got a comment on Gridlocked asking telling me that a post on Flowing Emotions is awaited. It was like a motivation for me and I posted something a little while ago. The title is 'Nationalism and Patriotism and Dangerous Ideas'. This can be a provocative piece of writing but I mean to write it. I have been thinking about it for some time now.
My last post on Flowing Emotions was in January. I didn't write for more than two months for that blog. Today when I opened MS - Word, it was hard for me to find the right ideas to type. I didn't know what direction to take and what all to tell. I typed some things which I later deleted thinking that they would be more naive and silly. I also felt a few things as useless to be written and some things as subjective enough to be left behind.
I didn't really keep a track of what I was writing until I came to point where I thought I could end the post. And I did it. I wasn't satisfied with what all I had written but after reading it and editing it a little, I felt better and happy. I still search for some person who can help me learn how to write effective and how to keep on writing. I am also afraid that I am not growing much with my English skills. There is a lot more to be learned. I am not a writer yet! :D
Today I told my parents that I wrote about my mother calling my father as Mr. Bean. My mother after hearing it said that she didn't mean to call him Mr. Bean but she only meant my father was behaving like Mr. Bean. Father coolly said that was what reporting is all about - a thing compared to something is equivalent to that thing being called that something! He was in a casual mood and he didn't mind me writing about all of it the way I wrote it. He read nothing and I hope he never reads anything. My brother didn't like my idea of having all this on my blog.
Currently I am nervous about something. I spoke about it on phone wit a friend and he advised me what all he could think of. I needed it all. There is something very important for me that is to be done. I pity I can't write anything about it here. If I could, then perhaps it would have made me feel better. I always feel nice after letting my blog know how I am feeling about a particular thing or anything, mostly.
If I am able to do what I am thinking of, then my life will change forever. It can be good and it can be bad. But in any case it won't effect any person. Except me and maybe one more. If it is bad, then the person moved will be me alone. If it is good, it is going to be the best thing I can think of presently. I am sure anyone knowing me will get a clear hint of what I am saying here.
There is a blog I read regularly. It is written by the same person who left a comment on Gridlocked (I mention this just to tell who the person is). I can't write any names here. I found a good article on her blog and I feel like sharing it. I have taken her permission to publish it here and it is very much her intellectual property. I just share it here.
- "To Orkut or not to Orkut, that is the question
- Scene 1 (on orkut)
Boy: hi, wanna be friends?
Girl: sure
Boy: so where do you live?
Girl: Chicago, how about you?
Boy: London
Girl: wow I’ve always wanted to go to London
Boy: oh really? you should visit then, I could show you around ☺. By the way is that your picture on the display?
Girl: yes it is, and is that you too?
Boy: wow you are pretty, do you have a boyfriend?
Girl (blushing and feeling happy): no I don’t.
(The chat pursues for a while and they end up exchanging chat ids)
Scene 2 (at a party, a guy walks up to a girl)
Boy: hi, are you enjoying the party?
Girl: naah I’m getting bored.
Boy: me too, so what do u do? Work or study or both?
Girl: I just finished my bachelors in -----, looking for a job, how about you?
Boy: I work at ------
Girl: Wow, that’s a great company to work for.
(the talk goes on for an hour and they end up exchanging phone numbers)
The two scenes have the same end, the boy and girl after a few interactions realize how irritating the other person is and they move on to the next person on orkut or another party or club .
My question is, aren’t the 2 situations alike. How different is orkut from a club? Yes you do not have people drinking or dancing on orkut, but every person is out there showing off his/her personal info. People put up their pics or videos for the whole world too see. Every person checking my profile knows how I look like (if I have my pic), what I do for a living, what I do for fun and what movies I like without even interacting with me. Isn’t that like giving away bits and pieces of yourself to everyone out there? Shouldn’t we be sharing those things with friends and people we are close to?
Girls like me, who’ve always believed that dating is wrong, talking to guy unnecessarily is wrong and hanging out in mixed gatherings is wrong do not think that doing the same online is wrong. And it is only because the other person cannot hear us or see us face to face.
Networks like orkut, facebook and hi5 are the biggest fitna these days because they lure people who are anti-dating. They make us feel that its ok to interact with guys as long as they can’t see us or hear us. I agree that watching someone or hearing their voice plays a major role in attraction, but according to me chatting with someone and finding out the other person’s thoughts and beliefs plays a bigger role in instigating attraction.
Here are some reasons why I believe chatting with someone online is worse than meeting someone (and when I mean meeting someone, I mean just meeting without getting intimate):
1) People can put on a different face on chat very easily. (We’ve heard of 60 yr old men pretending to be 20). You cant do that when you meet someone in person.
2) It is easier to lie online than it is in person. A person chatting can write with confidence that he has never dated any woman in past but would feel a little hesitant to lie about it face to face (although there are some people who have mastered the act of lying online and offline)
3) You can never judge a person’s character online. When you meet someone in person, you can assess the person’s character (in some way at least) by the way he/she looks at you, treats the waiter, walks and talks. Again you cannot be completely certain about a person’s character in just one meeting or a couple of meetings but you get a better picture of it.
4) People are more blunt and open online. For example an average decent guy wouldn’t really go up to a girl and talk to her for no reason but would not hesitate to do so online. The other example for this openness can be seen in scene 1 where a guy does not hesitate to comment ‘you are pretty’ the first time he chats with a girl.
The point I’m trying to make here is NOT that it is better to meet someone and date. I am trying to prove (mainly to myself) that chatting online is not as ‘ok’ as we have made it out to be. This blog maybe misunderstood or rather not understood at all by a lot of people who think differently than I, but I am sure there are one or two souls out there who will agree.
I will conclude with a hadith- The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have stated that “Whenever two strangers of the opposite gender are alone with each other, Satan becomes the third one between them.” (At-Tirmidhi)” I have always thought to myself ‘As long as I’m not physically alone with a guy, I am fine’, but now I realize that this hadith would also apply to being alone with a guy online.
Times have changed; technology has advanced, and unfortunately, so have our values. I feel like I have lost myself in the swarming online world…..I need to find a way back."
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