Monday Afternoon

Yesterday night itself my mother asked me to stay home even today. I wasn't woken up in the sehri. It was around 7 that my mother asked me How I was doing and if I would like to go to the college. I had not feeling of fever but I felt like staying home. Even my mother didn't go for work as she has to take care of my brother who too is not well.

I had a cup of Horliks around 9 am at the comforts of my bed. My mother brought it for me. Then it was bread with tea around 12. I sat at the dining table for this. And now, sometime back she prepared a soup and it tastes wonderful.

Tomorrow I have an internal test in Operating Systems lab. I took a lot of printouts today. It hardly took anytime, I call it lots of because I haven't taken so many at home till now! A few days back our mam had explained many of the programs personally so I guess if I spend some time with them, I wont have any problem in studying them. There are 2-3 programs that threaten me and I will leave them. Alhamdulillah I have no complains with my health too.

Yesterday my aunt called me. A few days back my father had given a copy of my article 'My Perception of My Own Life' to my uncle (my father's elder brother) and my aunt read it yesterday. I called me as soon as she finished reading. She said she liked it a lot and she praised me for my broad-mindedness and observation. It was after 8 in the evening and the rest of the time I spent before sleeping was great. Her call made my day!

My aunt too, along with my uncle, is an active member of Amways. They are into this for more than 20 years now. I am not sure but I think it can be 25 years too. All through they have met thousands of new people, listened to hundreds of videos and read books in equal numbers. In a way I can say that they have seen the world. My uncle has always inspired me. No doubt how much yesterday's call from my aunt means to me. She wished me great success in life.

Now the bad taste in my mouth is gone. I don't know if it is really out, or I am used to it by now. What ever it is, I am able to eat everything I like. Presently I feel like having some fried chicken and I will have it! It is always nice to do whatever you feel like as long as Allah has given you the permission to do it.

Sunday Evening

My blogs, my appetite and my studies have become the most neglected parts of me in the last 4 days. Today I slept almost all day. Today was the 4th fast I missed. I wanted to fast but my mother didn't allow. InshAllah I won't miss tomorrow.

Yesterday and today I didn't go to CL. I was at my grandparents' house yesterday evening. It was one of those old days when everything used to be cozy when we all met. It remains to be that way every Saturday but without me. It was my mother's b'day too. Last year we had a dinner outside. This time we did nothing.

On Friday I went to bed at 10:40 pm. And I fell asleep the moment I closed my eyes. I woke up at 4:30 am yesterday morning and wished my mother then slept again. I had a program to attend in the college and my mother wasn't allowing me to go. I wanted to go as staying at home alone is too lousy and makes me lethargic. I called my friend, asked him to pick me up and took along to the college. I had good time there, Alhamdulillah!

On Friday I thought of doing some maintenance things of my computer using the built in recovery system. It didn't work. Some file seems to be missing. Now I will have to call the customer care for assistance and I know its going to take a lot of time before I could have things fixed.

Practice what you preach; preach what you practice

What am I doing ... none ... both ... or something a kind of antithesis to both!

Today afternoon I was having some cough syrup. As I poured a little syrup in the spoon and started to raise my hand toward my mouth, my hand started trembling.

3 hours I ha a terrible cramp in my feet. It was as if some bone in my feet had got dislocated from its position. Even till now I can feel soemhting uptill my knee. It was actually some nerve that got strained.

The moment I m touching water, I am getting shivers. I havent taken bath for the last 3 days. I feel so bad and guilty too!

I missed my fast today and even all the prayers. Such a pathetic time.

But still I am doing good mentally.

Every few hours either my mother or my grandparents are caling me to ask abt my health. Soem how I don't feel like telling them how I am doing exactly. Everytime I sopke, I told that I was doing better. Now I days I am not liking telling ppl how I am doing. My answer is always or usually 'I am fine' unless the person is somebody very close who wouldnt call me a neagtive person!

Down

Yesterday I couldn't write anything - had fever and a lot of cold. In the morning I used 3 hand kerchiefs - my nose was flowing; all 3 got wet. I had a lab internal today and I did it terribly bad - no regrets for that - I couldn't study anything; just gave some reading and spent 30 minutes with the book.

I have another lab internal tomorrow and I have no idea if I am going to study for it. I am not able to sit at one place for long - feel like lying down.

I don't want to be envied, I wan't to be loved

Just wokeup at 4:30 am today, had the early breakfast - sehri, and switched on the computer. I thought of just checking a few things, updating the blog, then perform my prayers and sleep. But I saw something that got me really angry. I really don't know when it was the last time that I got angry this way. I performed my prayers and since then I am trying to think if there is something that would set things right.

There is (was) a guy in orkut who was in my friends' list. He is supposed to be some friend's friend. Everytime we met, he was good to me and I was good to him. But yesterday he reacted to a scrap written by a friend of mine in my scrap book. I don't want to get into whose mistake it was, but what this #@&%) guy did after that was and continues to be intolerable. He created a fake profile and is trying to hurt my friend.

I wish I knew the right thing to do now. I even feel like going and banging him. But thats not the right way I suppose. I will wait to hear what my other friends have to say. ... damn hell! what a bad person I had as a friend. And what a wrong way to know what he is. I hope to forget all this but I know its going to be here for long.

I have prioritised all people I have with me. At no moment of time will I have any problem in selecting whom to support and whom to fight against. I have done this after a lot of thinking and even if in some way I am wrong, I am not going to mind. I am ready to face all consequences. And again I take all responsibility of everything that happens within me and around me.

Hardly a day passes by when I don't ask Allah to make me a good person. I beg Him for goodness in me. I ask Him to make me a person who would never do anything wrong, never hurt anybody, never say anything bad ... a person who is liked and loved by eveybody. I really don't care if I am the richest or poorest of all the people in this world, but if I am not good, I know I am the wrost and i can never forgive myself.

I will become a good person not by just avoiding bad things. I need to do good things to become good. And I ask Allah that He helps me, and makes me, do good things.

I don't want to be envied, I wan't to be loved. I don't want to envy anybody, I want to love everybody. But when anybody does anything wrong, hurts me or any of my friends, I can't tolerate that. I am usually quiet ... usually taken as calm. I don't like telling people thing like 'you have never seen my anger' or 'you don't know who I am and what I can do'. Even I don't know things like these but I know one thing - Allah is with me and with all people who are dear to me. I am forget some personw ho troubles me, my friends my forgive a person who troubles them, but I can't guarantee that Allah will forgive. He is just and He takes into account every deed done by a person.

I simply can't understand how people can even think of hurting or causing trouble to anybody. How can they ever forget that Allah is watching them? I like learning things from everything I see and experience but this time its not affordable. I can't hold my and my friend's respect at stake.

A day wasted

I don't remember doing anything today. Just helped my mother in washing some clothes, brought some snacks from outside, went for shopping in the evening, missed prayers and slept for many hours. That's what I actually did today - sleeping. It was a lousy day; I didn't feel like doing anything. Read Young Muslim Digest for sometime. The articles I read were from Arab News and The Guardian. Nothing much ariginal from the editors fo the magazine.

My father and my brother had to buy some clothes. My father asked me to accompany them and we all 4 took along. Then at the shopeI was asked to buy a shirt for myself and I did. Then we went to the tailor, spent soem time there. He also happens to be my father's friend. He was telling me about his sons who are studying in Australia.

I had a lite dinner and I will sleep a little early today. I plan to study for sometime tomorrow morning. I really don't know if I am going to study or not!

I think even my post for today is the same as my day today - boring!

What does 'being alone' mean?

This is my second post for today - just felt like writing something about today evening. I went to a friend's house after Asar prayers. Other friends joined us and we had the iftaar meal at Pizza Hut. We were 9 people there. I had almost 6 slices of pizza - more than one slice more than what I had on Friday.

We bought some softdrinks outside and went to Jubilee Hills. We were 8 people now on 4 bikes. The ride on the empty streets was too good. Some of my friends were upto some non-sense and they started shouting. After some good riding we reached KBR park. We had the drinks standing in the parking place. Then we took to the walking track. I, along with 3 others kept a distance from the other 4 who were too weired and illmannered to be had as company. Somehow time passed and we were on bikes again.

We reached a friend's house around 9:30 pm. Its pretty close to my house so I was comfortable here. We took many pics here and had lots of useless talk. It was good - got to have a lot of laughing and shouting. But I was me - and I didn't forget that.

I have so many friends and they are so different. Each of them teaches me something. Even if he is not doing something good, I learn from him that I shouldn't be doing that bad thing. Sometimes I appreciate some people's company and sometimes I prefer staying away. It was fine today even though I didn't like a few things. Nobody makes me feel bad; I am respected, never laughed or joked at. So as long as this continues, I am sure I will never have any problem.

But among all the friends I have, my group at the college is best. I am at the best of my comfort lavels with them and I really love their company. . . . . but even this won't last for long. Less than 2 years is all I have. I lose them after that. They will take their own ways and I will take mine. Nobody knows who is going to remember whom - I will never forget anybody. I shall remember every time we all spent together, every nice talk we had, every online chat we had ... everything.

I had a holiday to CL today. I woke up at 11:30 am after sleeping at 7:15 am. I did a lot of small things after that and even got a hair cut. I feel relaxed now. A lot of weight form my head is gone now!