Today I downloaded a host of small softwares relating to network cracking. I got to learn so much relatedto hacking and the softwares used to do it. It all seems so easy once the IP is masked. I couldn't find a fully finctional IP masking software. Once I get it I think I can try out a few exciting things on the internet. But while I was into one of these forums, I was already feeling guilty - though I was just reading about hacking. I will be learning about all this just for some curiosity and I shall never misuse what I learn. I fear God.
Presently I feel sleepy and also a little dizzy. I think I have mild fever and I know this is becaose I need some good sleep. I had a real hard time today evening after coming home - I kept myself awake.
I wanted to write about something that happened because of which for the first time I may not be paying my college fees before time - I mean before atleast a week; it will be paid on time! ---
A month back my mother had planned to buy some jewellery and she asked my aunt, who was comming on her annual holiday to India from Mecca, to get some gold jewellery for her. My mother had planned to withdraw some of her savings and pay my aunt when she arrives here. But when the time came, my mother realised that withdrawing money this month would make her loose some amount because of taxes (income exceeding a limit in a month) and something related to maturing of her deposits. My father has very little knowledge about it so he never comes into picture. So the only ready cash available was my college fee. I had lots of time for it to be paid so the money was used along with another equal amount for gold jewelry.
Something like this has happened before but that didn't effect anything. Some rules by the government simply don't favor middle-class people who have most of their savings in banks. Even FDs attract tax. Sometimes, like the present instance, even with lots of money in the bank, people are left with no liquidity - no cash in hands. I do not really know how all this works, but all I knwo is that I am paying my fees late (just on time), and this is not because of any fancy jewelry that was bought, but because of some hard government regulations.
This little irritation will be ther with my mother till 28th of this month. It looks amazing that she will again become what she was untill a few weeks back - a kind of millionare (in rupees ... lol). The name souonds cool. Indian Government sounds frustrating.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Monday, July 24, 2006
My Dream - again!
Today, while standing at the bus stop, I told my friend that I have a good topic to write on today. He said he was about to tell me the same.
It was around 1:30 pm at that time and earlier I the day we had been to Durgam Cheruvu, Hi-Tech city and a bakery. We had a great time together along with another friend. We sat for a long time on a wall overlooking the lake and we spoke on topics like dreams and future and blah blah. It was important actually. Then I finally told them both about a final dream I have. It took me 2 years to tell them what exactly I want. There are 2 things I want and both of them have been termed as foolish by my parents. When I told about the first thing to my father, he said only mad people do it – I want my father to call me mad for that reason one day. My mother called those people who do the second thing as fools – I want my mother to call me a fool one day.
But these are not my dreams. I want these two things. There may be something more even beyond this but at the present moment I put the 2 as a desire. My dream takes me to an end. When I am going to die, if I am conscious just before dying, and if I have not achieved those 2 things, then I will pity myself, curse myself, regret not being a successful person, feel sorry for myself, hate myself and call myself a looser. I will die unhappily if I don’t achieve these 2 things. My dream is that I die happily.
At Hi-tech city I had a closer look at the new materials that are now being used for construction in Hyderabad. Steel, concrete and glass have always excited me but after I read ‘The Fountainhead’, the excitement turned bigger. I was of no much concern for who works in those buildings there, I was more interested in when I will be getting … no I should not complete this.
I didn’t mention that today I had a holiday and I went to the college though I knew nobody was going to come. I just had 2 of my friends with me. I somehow sneaked into the college to have a look at the place with nobody around. It was the same – I didn’t expect it to be different!!! No big deal.
It was around 1:30 pm at that time and earlier I the day we had been to Durgam Cheruvu, Hi-Tech city and a bakery. We had a great time together along with another friend. We sat for a long time on a wall overlooking the lake and we spoke on topics like dreams and future and blah blah. It was important actually. Then I finally told them both about a final dream I have. It took me 2 years to tell them what exactly I want. There are 2 things I want and both of them have been termed as foolish by my parents. When I told about the first thing to my father, he said only mad people do it – I want my father to call me mad for that reason one day. My mother called those people who do the second thing as fools – I want my mother to call me a fool one day.
But these are not my dreams. I want these two things. There may be something more even beyond this but at the present moment I put the 2 as a desire. My dream takes me to an end. When I am going to die, if I am conscious just before dying, and if I have not achieved those 2 things, then I will pity myself, curse myself, regret not being a successful person, feel sorry for myself, hate myself and call myself a looser. I will die unhappily if I don’t achieve these 2 things. My dream is that I die happily.
At Hi-tech city I had a closer look at the new materials that are now being used for construction in Hyderabad. Steel, concrete and glass have always excited me but after I read ‘The Fountainhead’, the excitement turned bigger. I was of no much concern for who works in those buildings there, I was more interested in when I will be getting … no I should not complete this.
I didn’t mention that today I had a holiday and I went to the college though I knew nobody was going to come. I just had 2 of my friends with me. I somehow sneaked into the college to have a look at the place with nobody around. It was the same – I didn’t expect it to be different!!! No big deal.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
HUNDRED
In the evening I had been to a local exhibition named as a trade fare. It was very small and only the rides were interesting. My cousin was with us and we had a good time. I bugged him a lot. Later after comin home he sat with me watching everything I was doing on the internet. Earlier he even created a blog for himself. http://hamzza.blogspot.com
This post on my blog is the 100th. Frankly speaking I feel nothing with it. It is just another post on a yet another day. Yesterday I had forgotten to do it else that itself would have been the 100th one.
I had planned to write a poem today but really didn't get the right kind of inspiration. I plan to take stanzas from various song I have listned to and put it as a single one that touches me. Something like a compilation of all the nice lines I have heard in a poetic form. I hope it works nice. I even have to complete writing a few posts i had decided previously.
This post on my blog is the 100th. Frankly speaking I feel nothing with it. It is just another post on a yet another day. Yesterday I had forgotten to do it else that itself would have been the 100th one.
I had planned to write a poem today but really didn't get the right kind of inspiration. I plan to take stanzas from various song I have listned to and put it as a single one that touches me. Something like a compilation of all the nice lines I have heard in a poetic form. I hope it works nice. I even have to complete writing a few posts i had decided previously.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Nothing bad and wrong though!
Today I let out the letter to another friend of mine. I am still trying to understand if I should hav really written all that. It was not rubbish. Even the previous one wasn't. This letter will be private - no one will read it without my knowledge!
Except for a harsh and loud shout by our DBMS lecturer, I don't remember anything remarkable for today. He shouted and asked us all to leave the class immidiately as the person wo had given someone's proxy attendence come up with his confession. No comments on this. He was staring towards me when he shouted.
Today we were told about some internship opportunity for us by our head. This thing simply gave me some tension - I will feel guilty if I don't give it my 100%, and if I try for something and if I loose, it will hurt me. I didn't want to tell about this to my parents, but I did - I just can't hide from them; have already done so much till now :D nothing bad and wrong though!
Yesterday night I came back home at 12 midnight after attending my cousin's 3rd b'day. It was ata restaurant and I met almost all of my paternal relatives who reside in India. I don't get to meet everybody at other functions b'cos it requires me to go into the ladies' (I hope this is the right spelling in the context), which I don't like! Yesterday we had common dining. Had a good time there aftet having talks on several thing with people I meet once in a while and hardly get a chance to interact - I sat with my cousin sister's husband, he was cool!
Except for a harsh and loud shout by our DBMS lecturer, I don't remember anything remarkable for today. He shouted and asked us all to leave the class immidiately as the person wo had given someone's proxy attendence come up with his confession. No comments on this. He was staring towards me when he shouted.
Today we were told about some internship opportunity for us by our head. This thing simply gave me some tension - I will feel guilty if I don't give it my 100%, and if I try for something and if I loose, it will hurt me. I didn't want to tell about this to my parents, but I did - I just can't hide from them; have already done so much till now :D nothing bad and wrong though!
Yesterday night I came back home at 12 midnight after attending my cousin's 3rd b'day. It was ata restaurant and I met almost all of my paternal relatives who reside in India. I don't get to meet everybody at other functions b'cos it requires me to go into the ladies' (I hope this is the right spelling in the context), which I don't like! Yesterday we had common dining. Had a good time there aftet having talks on several thing with people I meet once in a while and hardly get a chance to interact - I sat with my cousin sister's husband, he was cool!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Alertness
Today I have to attend my cousin's b'day at a restaurant and this is the 2nd function I will be attending this week. The previous one was on Monday which was my cousin sister's engagement kind of thing. It was around 23 kilometers from my house and by the time I was back home it was 1:20 am. It was actually a bit early that I had expected! We didn't stay till the end of the function there.
Tuesday at teh college we were made to attend a lecture by an old student of our college who spoke about an MS in US. He also made us au fait with some concepts of network security. It was interesting.
Today we had to attend a seminar on Cyber Safetly. It was ok being there.
Today I also found that I am loosing some alertness in me. I have been observing this since long and today when I saw something, a box, fully decorated with packing-paper kept a little far from my house's door upsatairs, I didn't feel anything to go and find out what it was. I just saw it and closed the door. It was father who later who asked me to check if there was something on the stairs. It was a box of sweets left by my cousin today when he visited our house when we were not there. I need to stop myself from being preoccupied.
I missed out a few things I had wanted to write in the last 2-3 days. The reason being the inaccessibility of blogs in India. I didn't know that there was still a possibility to access them though they have been blocked.
Tuesday at teh college we were made to attend a lecture by an old student of our college who spoke about an MS in US. He also made us au fait with some concepts of network security. It was interesting.
Today we had to attend a seminar on Cyber Safetly. It was ok being there.
Today I also found that I am loosing some alertness in me. I have been observing this since long and today when I saw something, a box, fully decorated with packing-paper kept a little far from my house's door upsatairs, I didn't feel anything to go and find out what it was. I just saw it and closed the door. It was father who later who asked me to check if there was something on the stairs. It was a box of sweets left by my cousin today when he visited our house when we were not there. I need to stop myself from being preoccupied.
I missed out a few things I had wanted to write in the last 2-3 days. The reason being the inaccessibility of blogs in India. I didn't know that there was still a possibility to access them though they have been blocked.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
#%&^@#
My cousin brother who lives in London came here to meet us today. He is here after a gap of almost 3 years and it was such a nice feeling to see him again. He will be leaving in the 1st week of August. We all are insisting that he gets married soon and I do not know what exactly he is going to decide. Everybody seems to be in a casual mood and he said he will get married along with me 'in the same "mandap"'. This is exactly how he said. He will go back to London and will start a business of his own - a college. I wish him good luck. He has alwyas been a close cousin to me and he was the first person who took me to an English movie in a theatre. It was 'Silence of the Lambs'. It was remade in Hindi as "Sangharsh".
Since yesterday afternoon all the blogspot domains have been blocked by all Indian ISPs on the orders of the Indian Governament. #%&^@# I do not understand how they can be so naive and unclear of what they are doing. I have more than 200 posts spread over all my blogsand they have been blocked from public viewing - very bad. But even this didn't seem to perturb me except for the '#%&^@#' I have used :D .
I had better days at the college. I even buncked 2 classes today. Actually went late in the morning - I woke up late. Then in the evening I simply didn't feel like attending the class.
Today I finally finished writing a letter I was playing with for so long. It was a lengthy musing and I do not know how I am going to share this thing with. I even have no idea about who all is going to read it. But all my close friends will definitely do. One of the, I suppose, has read it by now.
Since yesterday afternoon all the blogspot domains have been blocked by all Indian ISPs on the orders of the Indian Governament. #%&^@# I do not understand how they can be so naive and unclear of what they are doing. I have more than 200 posts spread over all my blogsand they have been blocked from public viewing - very bad. But even this didn't seem to perturb me except for the '#%&^@#' I have used :D .
I had better days at the college. I even buncked 2 classes today. Actually went late in the morning - I woke up late. Then in the evening I simply didn't feel like attending the class.
Today I finally finished writing a letter I was playing with for so long. It was a lengthy musing and I do not know how I am going to share this thing with. I even have no idea about who all is going to read it. But all my close friends will definitely do. One of the, I suppose, has read it by now.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
'Senti-less-mental-more'!
Yesterday I didn't write anything much so I thought of updating early today.
Friday night I slept late - 2 am in the morning. I went to bed at this time and I have no idea when exactly I got sleep. I woke up at 8:15 am and left for college with a friend. There at the college I had to do some paper work for the re-evaluation forms' submission and we reached Osmania University around 1:30 pm. We had to wait in a long queue and it took a couple of hours before we could submit the forms of 11 people we had brought with us.
We even had to submit a form with no college stamp on it. No comments from my side on that!
Then we went to a friend's house who lives near by. After spending some time there I asked a friend to drop me at Koti from where I took a bus for my grandparents' house. I did something silly here. Yesterday in the morning I had taken my new bus pass and I had forgotten about that - I bought a ticket when I boarded the bus!
I slept at 3:15 am in the morning and woke up finally at 12 noon. Then I had a heavy breakfast just before switching on the computer.
I am feeling terrible since yeaterday night. I am trying to keep myself peaceful and reminding myself of the option of always being happy but this time around it is not working. Everything seems to hurt me - the news in the news paper, the sound of somebody knocking at the door, the telephone bell ringing, my clothes I had to arrange, some files on my computer, ... they all seem distorted but they do remind me of some thing else.
I do not understand why I can't make myself believe in anyting to its finality. I am ridiculous in every thought I ponder upon and I need to change. I need to understand that matrity also means not having any mood swings and always being consistent. I have no idea if I am the only one with these thing in my mind. When I think about it, I really feel lonely supposing that it is only me who has such kind of perceptions and feelings. I really hope I am a fool so that I can pray to God for wisdom and set myself right. But if it is not fooloshness, then I do not know what to ask God for. I do not know exactly what I need to have or what I need to lose. I can pray for happiness but I still there is something more missing. It is something else that I had wanted and it is the exactly opposite of that. May be I am very unclar with what I am writing here ... that is how I am presently - unclear and obscure. Untill a few days my online chats used to be lively, now I many time don't feel like being visible and whe I chat with anyone, I end up being too touchy ... one of my friends has given a good explanation - 'senti-less-mental-more'!
I know I don't use any names on my blogs directly or even indirectly but I have to keep some things that way. I will never use any names - at least soemthing out of hand happens and compells me to.
Friday night I slept late - 2 am in the morning. I went to bed at this time and I have no idea when exactly I got sleep. I woke up at 8:15 am and left for college with a friend. There at the college I had to do some paper work for the re-evaluation forms' submission and we reached Osmania University around 1:30 pm. We had to wait in a long queue and it took a couple of hours before we could submit the forms of 11 people we had brought with us.
We even had to submit a form with no college stamp on it. No comments from my side on that!
Then we went to a friend's house who lives near by. After spending some time there I asked a friend to drop me at Koti from where I took a bus for my grandparents' house. I did something silly here. Yesterday in the morning I had taken my new bus pass and I had forgotten about that - I bought a ticket when I boarded the bus!
I slept at 3:15 am in the morning and woke up finally at 12 noon. Then I had a heavy breakfast just before switching on the computer.
I am feeling terrible since yeaterday night. I am trying to keep myself peaceful and reminding myself of the option of always being happy but this time around it is not working. Everything seems to hurt me - the news in the news paper, the sound of somebody knocking at the door, the telephone bell ringing, my clothes I had to arrange, some files on my computer, ... they all seem distorted but they do remind me of some thing else.
I do not understand why I can't make myself believe in anyting to its finality. I am ridiculous in every thought I ponder upon and I need to change. I need to understand that matrity also means not having any mood swings and always being consistent. I have no idea if I am the only one with these thing in my mind. When I think about it, I really feel lonely supposing that it is only me who has such kind of perceptions and feelings. I really hope I am a fool so that I can pray to God for wisdom and set myself right. But if it is not fooloshness, then I do not know what to ask God for. I do not know exactly what I need to have or what I need to lose. I can pray for happiness but I still there is something more missing. It is something else that I had wanted and it is the exactly opposite of that. May be I am very unclar with what I am writing here ... that is how I am presently - unclear and obscure. Untill a few days my online chats used to be lively, now I many time don't feel like being visible and whe I chat with anyone, I end up being too touchy ... one of my friends has given a good explanation - 'senti-less-mental-more'!
I know I don't use any names on my blogs directly or even indirectly but I have to keep some things that way. I will never use any names - at least soemthing out of hand happens and compells me to.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
I was at the Osmania University today and by the time I reached my grandparents' house at 5:30 pm, I could count every bone in my feet and legs that was aching. I finally reached home at 8:30 pm and was better by that time except for some mood swing sort of thing irritating me. (I don't seem to understand that I am being a fool - may be I need some different kind of dose.)
I don't feel myself fine to write today. I will post something in the morning tomorrow.
And by the way this is my 96th post on this blog. I am waiting for 4 more.
I don't feel myself fine to write today. I will post something in the morning tomorrow.
And by the way this is my 96th post on this blog. I am waiting for 4 more.
Friday, July 14, 2006
First ever big dream I have dreamt and I have to fullfill it
I finally was successful in controling myself from sleeping after coming home. I kept my eyes on the computer screen downloading some e-books. I downloaded so many of them and I wish I could read all of them but unfortunately I get a head ache whenever I try to read from the screen for anything more than 15 minutes. I somehow find it easier to write than to read!
Today in the afternoon my friends and I had decided that we would go out for a movie bunking the Manegerial Economics. We went upto the parking lot and decided to go back to the class. I think we did follow - a man is all about control and discipline :D lolz
Tomorrow I have a lot of work to do. The chiefest being the submission of the application for re-evaluation of a subject of my previous semister. I was expecting more than 90% marks in that subject.
I will also read "Personality Plus" in the next 2 days. I have done the personality analysis and also have taken the help of 2 frriends of mine. One of them just got me wondering if he really believes in a premise I had referred in one of my posts on Flowing Emotions - Geometry of Emotions. The other friend's opinions gave me stats similar to those I had got from a self-evaluation. So, I guess I was right in projecting things about myself! I also wanted my father to do a similarr thing for me but he has asked me to wait. His input will defenitely be of real worth because he has been seeing me since my birth. But he has no idea about me and my psychology outside home - my friends surely do know that. I thank them for the help - it was precious and it is going to hep me a lot. I hope I strictly follow what I am learning.
In the evening I read about B-Schools in a fortnightly magazine. Though I din't read the complete artice which was of quite a few pages, I was really in a state of a different desperateness with some sort of fire in my belly. I somehow need to forge myself into any of the top B-Schools. This is the first ever big dream I have dreamt and I have to fullfill it. I have no other option. I pray to God to help me through. It is all His wish.
On June 27th I got an e-mail from wellwishe@yahoo.com -
"hi brother!why do u want to become vulnerable by being clearer than
mirrror .one should be like an ocean ,whose depth should be hidden....the
more u go into it the more adventures it should be."
Today when I tried to reply it, yahoo showed me a failure in delivering the mail. This was my reply -
Hi,
Who ever you are, thanx for writing.
Some weeks back I had written this in one of my posts -
"I believe in philosophy and I have another belief that asks me to
have the ice berg kind of a personality. Ice bergs are 10% visible from
the outside i.e., from outside the water. The rest of the 90% lies
beneath the surface. For me it means that every person who looks at me
should look at the 10% I openly show about myself. And if that person is
pleased with that, he/she is always open for the hidden 90%. There is no
barring on that. But the only condition is that I must be asked to open
up by responding in the same way i.e., opening up of that person too is
required. But I still take the first step and start with myself so that
I can give the benefit of all the doubts to that person
himself/herself. And I have found myself very successful by doing this."
I strictly adhere to what I had written - it was on May 16th.
So whatever clear about myself on my blogs is just the 10%!
I am always open for more.
Sorry for being late with the reply.
Regards,
Zubair
Today in the afternoon my friends and I had decided that we would go out for a movie bunking the Manegerial Economics. We went upto the parking lot and decided to go back to the class. I think we did follow - a man is all about control and discipline :D lolz
Tomorrow I have a lot of work to do. The chiefest being the submission of the application for re-evaluation of a subject of my previous semister. I was expecting more than 90% marks in that subject.
I will also read "Personality Plus" in the next 2 days. I have done the personality analysis and also have taken the help of 2 frriends of mine. One of them just got me wondering if he really believes in a premise I had referred in one of my posts on Flowing Emotions - Geometry of Emotions. The other friend's opinions gave me stats similar to those I had got from a self-evaluation. So, I guess I was right in projecting things about myself! I also wanted my father to do a similarr thing for me but he has asked me to wait. His input will defenitely be of real worth because he has been seeing me since my birth. But he has no idea about me and my psychology outside home - my friends surely do know that. I thank them for the help - it was precious and it is going to hep me a lot. I hope I strictly follow what I am learning.
In the evening I read about B-Schools in a fortnightly magazine. Though I din't read the complete artice which was of quite a few pages, I was really in a state of a different desperateness with some sort of fire in my belly. I somehow need to forge myself into any of the top B-Schools. This is the first ever big dream I have dreamt and I have to fullfill it. I have no other option. I pray to God to help me through. It is all His wish.
On June 27th I got an e-mail from wellwishe@yahoo.com -
"hi brother!why do u want to become vulnerable by being clearer than
mirrror .one should be like an ocean ,whose depth should be hidden....the
more u go into it the more adventures it should be."
Today when I tried to reply it, yahoo showed me a failure in delivering the mail. This was my reply -
Hi,
Who ever you are, thanx for writing.
Some weeks back I had written this in one of my posts -
"I believe in philosophy and I have another belief that asks me to
have the ice berg kind of a personality. Ice bergs are 10% visible from
the outside i.e., from outside the water. The rest of the 90% lies
beneath the surface. For me it means that every person who looks at me
should look at the 10% I openly show about myself. And if that person is
pleased with that, he/she is always open for the hidden 90%. There is no
barring on that. But the only condition is that I must be asked to open
up by responding in the same way i.e., opening up of that person too is
required. But I still take the first step and start with myself so that
I can give the benefit of all the doubts to that person
himself/herself. And I have found myself very successful by doing this."
I strictly adhere to what I had written - it was on May 16th.
So whatever clear about myself on my blogs is just the 10%!
I am always open for more.
Sorry for being late with the reply.
Regards,
Zubair
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I was greeted at home by my brother today. He then shared with me the noodles he then prepared.
Later in the night, I wrote a short post on what I can learn from Zizou. I first spent some time reading all the news I could get relating to him and also some material on anger control. Though I didn't go into anger control in hwat I have written, I defenitely had that in my mind while writing this post. I call this a point of view and I am sure every one has an own thing. http://xubayr.blogspot.com
I had a pleasant day today and a similar evening.
Later in the night, I wrote a short post on what I can learn from Zizou. I first spent some time reading all the news I could get relating to him and also some material on anger control. Though I didn't go into anger control in hwat I have written, I defenitely had that in my mind while writing this post. I call this a point of view and I am sure every one has an own thing. http://xubayr.blogspot.com
I had a pleasant day today and a similar evening.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
No stagnations: Days are changing - was better today
I relish every feeling of the missing frowns on my forehead and I enjoy some feelings much more when they have no strings attached to them. It was the former today that filled the gaps with ibits of pleasantness. I didn't have any so called mood swings today evening. After coming home I didn't jump in my bed but kept myself awake to the screen of my computer. It was of help and maybe today I should find no problem with sleeping as soon as I get into bed. I had terrible night in hte last few days - it was taking hours for me to get to sleeping and I was taking no note of the time that was passing in the darkness.
I finally gave my first post for the blog started by my cousin to update all our relatives with the latest happenings in our family. http://timmapuris.blogspot.com/
Though I was fine today, I didn't speak much at home with anybody except for some comments on the news that was running when I was having my dinner. It is all fine when some things are way from my mind. It begins with some old memories, wishes to be precise, and the swings the heck of the mood thing. It gives me a kind of reminder to fallacies and a vague apprehension. But as a rule of law, I am supposed to be doing great and I am doing great.
Things are actually getting rough with the setting of the sun. I am begining to like sunshine more and the setting of night is crippling me. Though there is hardly any sunshine during the day time too, but the presense of people around me and lots of chit-chatting is making things brighter.
Yesterday night I was thinking deeply about loosing my material possessions. I thought what or how I will be feeling if I loose my wallet, the house's kepy, or the related kinds. I felt it will barely hit me. Though I may well regret the loss but it won't effect me much. Then I thought how I would be feeling if my beloves ones loose anything. This was definitely a little unexplicable and I could exact how it would make me feel. I surely have a lot to do here. I can't allow things that come to my mind to go undefined.
At the college I am trying my best to keep my eyesight as close to me as I can keep it. I am preferring more rationality but I hope I am not mistaken in anyway. One of my friends is now a days a constant teaser but I don't mind any of my friends doing that. I do not know if it is really effecting me or not - I don't want to know it. I feel myself as damn too sensitive already!
I finally gave my first post for the blog started by my cousin to update all our relatives with the latest happenings in our family. http://timmapuris.blogspot.com/
Though I was fine today, I didn't speak much at home with anybody except for some comments on the news that was running when I was having my dinner. It is all fine when some things are way from my mind. It begins with some old memories, wishes to be precise, and the swings the heck of the mood thing. It gives me a kind of reminder to fallacies and a vague apprehension. But as a rule of law, I am supposed to be doing great and I am doing great.
Things are actually getting rough with the setting of the sun. I am begining to like sunshine more and the setting of night is crippling me. Though there is hardly any sunshine during the day time too, but the presense of people around me and lots of chit-chatting is making things brighter.
Yesterday night I was thinking deeply about loosing my material possessions. I thought what or how I will be feeling if I loose my wallet, the house's kepy, or the related kinds. I felt it will barely hit me. Though I may well regret the loss but it won't effect me much. Then I thought how I would be feeling if my beloves ones loose anything. This was definitely a little unexplicable and I could exact how it would make me feel. I surely have a lot to do here. I can't allow things that come to my mind to go undefined.
At the college I am trying my best to keep my eyesight as close to me as I can keep it. I am preferring more rationality but I hope I am not mistaken in anyway. One of my friends is now a days a constant teaser but I don't mind any of my friends doing that. I do not know if it is really effecting me or not - I don't want to know it. I feel myself as damn too sensitive already!
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