Thank God for everything

Again I couldnt update this space yesterday and the reason was same again - I was studying for my exam.

The exam was just fine and I dont think I can say much on that. When the marks are out they will speak for themselves. But the book I studied from was really hopeless.

Two of my friend met with an accident today. Though it was not very serious, one of them was a bit badly hurt. He is fine now thank God.

Today I created another webpage and this is a small experiment for hosting softwares and e-books on my site. I hope this works fine....but i am really confused abt wat kind of material i should b having here. I should b looking out for things that r not easily available on the net and may b useful in sumway. Not breaking any piracy rules is also a consideration. Lets see!

Anyways my beard is still growing and I didnt like my dad calling me with names like Imran Hashmi and Himesh sumthing. I am Zubair and i love my name (Zubair. Smile wen u use it :) ).

I have one more xam to go now and I pray I do it well. But the feeling of staying at home for a long time during holidays is pretty uncomfortable. I wonder how I am going to stay not meeting my friends.

Not to mention .... well, .... then lets not mention it !!!

Yes, I am back.

I couldnt post an update yesterday as i was too busy with my studies. I donno if i should say this but i really worked hard for it. I slept for less than 2 hours at night and now its 11:10 pm 0f 15th and i havent slept again after waking up at 5:30 in the morning.

The xam was ok and i think i should get decent marks. But my plan of making it big in these externals is not going the way i wanted it to. I have 2 more to go and i really pray i do them well. I understand i didnt work for the whole of semister and no matter wat i do now it will b very less in regards to wat is required. I really dont know if i can help it but i know i am responsible for every single act i commit and every single reaction that occurs.

I went to receive my cousin sister today as she returned from a holiday in Saudi Arabia. It was really nice to see her again after many days. I was happy that i could meet her cos shez again leaving for Gulbarga tomorrow. God-willing we will meet in my summer vacation. My meeting with 'fanno' too was welcome !

For the past few days i simply allowed my beard to grow. I donno if it really looks like a beard but i find everybody asking "are u growing a beard?". Well my answer is "i am not growing any beard. Its just happening by itself and i am not at all pushing for it. Seriously!" ... Well...i know this is a casual and a joking reply,... i just wanted to see how i may look with that thing on my face and i think i look terrible with it.(I welcome any comments on this as i know more than me others are going to see my face!) Anyways i plan to shave it on Monday or Wednsday (now no superstition in the selection of days please!).

I have my 4th xam on Monday and i again have plans to go for the maximum i can but i do know that watever i do wont b maximum. I hope i am not discouraged and dssappointed by myself this time.

I just feel like saying sumthing now. I dont know wat xactly is prompting me but ... its just a small thing and very much obvious --- i really love every single person i have in my life at this present moment and i am ready to do anything for that person. but i fear losing him/her. I pray to God for keeping everybody happy. ... I am very happy for any reason i may hav unknown to myself. Its just a feeling i am trying to keep inside of me but i know it will definitely b reflectd in watevr i do or say. (the word 'love' i hav used here means a lot so please respect its meaning in respective senses.)

Okay...i know i am getting touchy again.. so i better stop it here and save a few 'emotions' for the days to come. :D Have a good time. :)

Not much for today

I did nothing really productive today except for another page that I added to my new website.

I thought of starting the study for Saturday's xam but didn't really feel like doing it. I hope tomorrow I will be able to do the complete thing the way I want to. God-willing obviously!

It was really nice to know that my cousine has started a blog and is posting religious articles on it. I really appreciate his work and will be in regular touch with it.

BIS Gives More Than Just Marks !

I had a great day today. Actually its going well since yesterday evening itself when I had started some really absorbing study for my xam which I have written today. It was defintely good as I was expecting it to be. I thank God Almighty for all this. I hope I keep going this way past the rest of the externals successfully.

After writing the xam I spent some time with my friends. We were just chit-chatting and having rides on bikes :D ... I should make it clear at the earliest that we were in now way racing !!!

I worked on my home page again today and created an index for all the blog posting I have done on blogger.com till now. This was time-consuming as I had to gather all the titles with the dates and link them to the appropriate page. Google pages is fabulously easy to use and in comparison to Google I am sure freeservers, geocities and lycos are nothing in the business. I plan to take up more expansion on the home page as I have 100mb with the present and not to mention the other 3 google accounts I maintain. So that gives me an aggregate of 400mb :D.

Today while having a chat with a friend I was suddenly reminded of someone who was supposedly something to me untill some days back. I just couldn't understand how this happened but as soon as I thought of that name, I could see a face in my eyes and that brought a smile on my lips. This was really short and was followed by moistening of my eyes. The reality is always here with me to remind me of where my life is and what I am expected to be myself. A thought followed by a smile and then a tear is far more killing than losing something directly.

It is all like I am leaving something I was looking to find. Everyboday says life moves on and even we have to move on. But I guess the appropriate description for me would be "with the life moving, even we move with it regardless of our intent and desire. But we sometimes have to leave some people behind and pray that we never find them anywhere again in our path ahead".

I am doing great and God-willing will continue to do so.

The title I have used was just to say that the subject BIS (Business Information Systems) has taugh me a lot on economic and business management fronts. It was really an interesting thing for me to study and learn. And I know I am definitely going to use all that everywhere I can. It also complies with objectivistic concepts !!!

Yup ...

I was just getting the feeling that I might not be able to give an update today because of the xam I have tomorrow, but just pulled out some time for this.

I was a bit worried about the way my studies were going on but today after really being to concentrate for some good amount of time continously, I think I can definitely think of better days ahead. I have learnt how to beat sleep and how to get rid of silly thoughts that rise up in my mind :D.

I don't have much to write for today as I started with my day very late and spent most of the rest with my books.

Hope I do the xam well tomorrow and be enthusiastic enough to write a bigger update tomorrow !

Hmmn, Life is not a game !

I just completed creating my home page on GooglePages. Its xubayr.z.googlepages.com. Its really making me happy as I see my own homepage on the internet. I remember having one when I was 14 years of age, the one(smallheaven) I had built with 2 of my cousines. At that point of time in my life it was as if we ppl have done sumthing great. But now have 5 blogs and a homepage is a lot better.

These Google people are awesome. I have tried Freeservers and Xanga(of course Xanga is for blogging again) before, but Google Pages is very easy to use and it hardly took time for me to complete the building process.

And yeah! the xam today...I had had studied well for it but I guess a little more effort was required. It was good but not enough to make me happy. I am not satisfied with the way I had written it. God-willing the next one works out better.

I had a great chat today with my cousine sister...it was in parts actually - afternoon and evening. She is in Sakaka right now and has just returned from Mecca. She will be hear in India on 15th of this month and I really look forward to meet her. Feels great to have a friend like her.

Today I even had a chat with a good friend and we were just discussing about the other friends we have around. I think I should now realise all that and return more care for all of them. This is really a very big topic to talk on. Lets not get touchy now ... !

Arduous deeds are to be done with Ardour

I was thinking of not updating this space today and not using the internet at all but I am prompted to do it as I am alone this evening. I spent more than half of the day till now studying for the exam i have tomorrow but it was not at all sturdy and continous.

It's my cousine brother's daughter's first birthday today and my parents have left for the party and maybe this is for the first that I am missing a party and staying back home just to study. But I clearly understand what's going to happen ther at the party - my mom will tell everyone how badly i am studying now a days and how much time i spend on the internet. she will definitely prove that I hav grown into a very stubborn person. this definitely hurts. i remember the days wen she used to praise abt me in front of so many ppl ... i used to hate that then, and now i hate this. But i will grow numb to this kind of talk ... i will becom something that wont be purturbed with any thing negative.

God willing I shall do the xams well. Just 5 of them and i am really enthusiastic abt writing them well ... i remember my exam days till 2 years bac; how much i used to wait for the exams to cum as the feeling of sitting ther with the paper with all the answers in the mind is great. i hope the same thing happens again.

I AM DOING GREAT ... That is how I should be.

Now i won't really get on saying that i did nothing today or i wasted it, i know nothing is waste and every single second i spend, even just sitting in from of the computer, is precious because i am not thinking any senseless probabilities. I am trying to learn everything i can from what i am seeing and what i have already seen, and its giving incredible advantage to the psychological and mental growth I can make for myself (a bit theoritical though but i have understood that as long as we are good and strong at theory, we do practicals well :D).

the best thing i did today was cleaning my car. i had done it just a few days back but it was again in a very dusty and untidy condition. The sun we at its best functioning with lots of sweat in my clothes. Felt wonderful doing some hard work. And I liked what I did, the vehicle as clean as it becomes after a professional wash ... now let me make it clear, I have no plans to take this kind of profession ... I just wanted to be perfect in what I was doing. The shower I took after this "hard work" was really soothing (now please don't ask for a description of that, i can't handle it).

After that I went to my aunt's house and had some fun playing with kids with ages in single digits. They are so cute and sweet. But it feels very bad when they weep ... and feels more bad (terrible actually) when they shout to show their discontent ... but I like kids doing mischief, that's the way they should be.

Then came the most difficult part of the day, going around with mom and dad for shopping. They want to buy some furniture for our house and I was feeling sleepy going shop to shop studying every piece available.

And ye, did I mention the time I woke up in the morning today ... don't ask.

Hii ...

Feels really nice having written for 'flowing emotions'...as always. i was trying to explain myself what i am doing now so that i can read it regularly and corret myself. i am sure that works as i hav done this type of self-hypnosis before. now i would definitely like to make it clear that i didnt mean to refer to anybody directly or indirectly.

it was yet another day spent doing nothing much. xams r nearing and i am just psychologically preparing myself to study hard. God willing we all will do our xams well.

i just had a heavy dinner. mom came home late so the food was brought from a restaurant and it was tasty...(just thought of telling :D).

finally i replied to the letter my cousine had written to me. its really nice to hav ppl with us even wen they know that v r not right in wat v r doing. every person giving me courage and hope is precious to me and i pray to God that He blesses them with all happiness always.

take care !

Ah! Going good but should be much better ...

7th day after starting this blog i didn't update it. What a shame. I was tired actually but i know that is no reason for not writing.

Anyways yesterday was a day well spent. It was my friend's birhtday and we celebrated it having ice creams at Baskin-Robbnis (of course its ice creams what you find there). Then we four guys went to watch a movie. I came back home a bit late in the evening and slept early...at 12:30 am. Prety early, isn't it?

The movie was "The Angrez". I never wanted to see this movie as i already knew it's kind but thought of having sumthing different. It was a disgusting movie with such a vulgar language used. Thank God it was short one. But it's ok,...sumtimes!!!

Today I wrote a poem,...though actually i wanted to write sumthing for 'flowing emotions' - it was 'gridlocked'. The poem was a sort of recollection of my past experience...a lesson i have learnt. I dont know why i really wrote that but i think i feel better now after writing it. That is what 'gridlocked' is meant for - to help me relieve myself.

I was really feeling uncomfortable today, there is some kind of worry in my mind. I know its not studies but what i have been through. I also know it was just a small thing but still it is troubling. I can still have that feeling ther that i may end up hurting myself again. But in know if i am really determined then this shouldn't be a factor to hinder my peace of mind. I am not supposed to think negatively. So silly was i ... (Oh really?). Will think about this later.

I am NASCENT !

Thought of updating during the day time itself.

I was sleeping after 2 in the nights all these days but today i will sleep a bit early and hav a little extra sound sleep.I am thinking of updating 'flowing emotions' but i may just end up doing nothing...depends on how i feel till the end of the day.

my cousine read yesterday's update and asked me to edit the part i wrote abt my friend saying that she may feel more bad if she reads it. my answer was simple, "nobody will mind. its just wat i felt". i hope i am not wrong with this.

Ya the 'nascent' thing....it means i am just born !!! (means a lot more than wat actually it can mean)