Ledge

Oh! She's nice, she's kind, innocent too. She's probably pretty, the right one for you. So just forget me: I'm only a friend. Though I'll be with you, until the end.

- Unknown

Waiting has always been so difficult. Waiting for the right time to come. Waiting for people to get convinced. Waiting to hear answers. Waiting with no control in my hands. It seems dumb at times. Irritating most of the time. Annoying always. It eats from inside. I had Lazania for the first time today. It was good alhamdulillah.

This would be my last post from Houston as for now. I have little or no idea when I am going to get here again. InshAllah by nightfall on Sunday I will be in Dallas. I cannot guess how I am going to feel once I am there. It's different worlds on both sides - family here and newly made friends there. I have began to love both of them though there are preferences depending on state of my needs and necessities that make me ask one of the two at varying times for varying lengths. The premise remains the same - satisfaction. If family never changes, I would love to be with it always. If friends don't change and never get replaced, I would give more preference to staying with them. But neither is possible. Future sometimes like past looks scary.

Never in my full senses did I ever hope that I move back even a day in my life. There were times when I wanted time to go pass very fast. Some occasions also saw me asking for a pause but I always knew I was being ridiculous. I always found it foolishness to believe that doing the same thing over and over again the same way would yield a different result. I tried to make things proceed in different ways to see if something works out favorably. Things happen only when Allah wants. Waiting in hope is self-defeating.

It's middle of the night here. Tomorrow I know it will be a different place and a different tempo but it's going to be the same me with the same things in my mind. Monday I will have my first class of Spring inshAllah. I will have so many people around me, asking me, telling me, smiling at me; all people I have met less than five months back. Though I never came here with expectations from people, alhamdulillah everything has turned out very well. Some thing always remained missing. Somehow I always knew Allah was going to punish me using this. Once I said about this to a friend but couldn't explain it.

We just can't walk away from anything we don't like because everywhere we go we take with us all the past we have and the hope of future we have dreamt. We all grow old, we stop dreaming, our dreams die away with time and one day we face the same end. Life starts with dreams - the dream to be the best, fastest, strongest, wealthiest. They all fade away showing us the same path. What comes and goes in between is said to matter the most. I don't understand how it can matter more when something as important as a dream has to die. From those who say my talk makes me seem like I live in a dream world to those who say they don't understand what I write... I am just waiting.