My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."Mangoes have replaced bananas these days in my breakfasts. I am having coffee no more. It's milk with Bournvita and three small spoons of sugar in it. When summer ends I will get back to coffee. I don't eat fried egg daily anymore. It only happens when mamma prepares it for me before she leaves for her office in the mornings. Today she had it ready for me even before I left bed. I closed the door a good 30 minutes after she left. I was on the divan in the living room as she said good bye and I felt asleep. When I eyes opened again I ran and shut the door closed. All doors are supposed to be kept closed unless somebody has to get in or somebody is going out. They can be kept open to let air in or some times just to see what's going on on the other side of it.
- Forrest Gump, Forrest Gump
I slept again after an hour. Then my brother arrived and I slept again. I went to take a bath and I was already getting late for the prayers. I was hungry then and while walking back home after the prayers I began to think what meal awaits me in the fridge which would fill my empty belly. I knew there was bhaaji daal with ambada in it. Apart from spinach I recognize none of those leafy vegetables but I love their taste when cooked this way. While walking I imagined how it would taste if I could fry an egg and have it with that daal and rice. I had water in my mouth. The moment I reached home I fried an egg.
The egg was still on the pan with noisy bubbles. I don't like eggs much but some combinations excite my taste buds. I also had to warm the daal and rice before I could satisfy my watering mouth and a hungry stomach. I opened the fridge's door and found the daal's dish right in the front. I looked for rice. In all the transparent glass shelves. I looked in the freezer. I looked on the dining table. It wasn't there. There was no cooked rice home. I immediately recollected mamma asking me yesterday if she should cook some for me for the next day and I had asked her not to thinking what was left in the bowl after dinner would be enough for me for the next day. Now, I didn't know that mamma was going to give that to our servant maid in the morning.
I needed food badly. The egg was ready. My mouth was watering. I asked my brother if he could cook some rice. He offered to get it from a nearby hotel. I didn't find that idea good given that I don't like the thick and sticky rice they cook in such hotels. I could have as well got something like a roll or anything from anywhere but I had craved for daal and rice with egg and I needed it. I called my grandmother and asked her if she had extra rice cooked for lunch which I could eat if I got to her house in sometime with the daal and the fried egg I had. She said there was plenty.
An hour later I was at her house. The moment I reached there I gave her the can which had that had to be warmed. Ten minutes later she served me my food. She even gave me fried potato chips which were prepared at home and another curry made with sojni ki phalli. It had meat in it. I ate enjoying each gulp and I felt I was eating food after ages. My grandmother was glad to see me at her house. I couldn't thank Allah enough for all that He gave me. Sometime later grandmother served me tea which again is a unique preparation she does. She makes it out of pure thick milk without adding water and making it boil for a lot of time. I took a short nap after that.
Yesterday mamma told us that she finally received the money from her office which she was supposed to be given to her several weeks back. It was a part of some arrears she was supposed to get and the management had withheld it for some reason. Even now, she said, they have given her Rs. 48,000 less and it has been kept as FD. She told me that in the last financial she had to pay more than Rs. 100,000 as income tax. Her tone told me not only how much amount the government takes away but also that she had accepted this fact and now lives with it without complaining. Later she showed me her Form 16 which is the legal proof of the tax she pays. I thought, we pay taxes when we are born, we pay taxes when we eat, we pay taxes when we earn, we pay taxes when we spend and we pay taxes when we die.
I spoke a lot while we were having dinner today. Yesterday I had suddenly started sweating and was feeling weak. Today too I began to feel myself weak again. I told my parents as they were still with their dinners. Mamma told me that I was talking a lot and so it makes me feel like that. I just said one thing which stopped her and my father complain that I was talking a lot. I said "this is the only time I get to talk to you all". Later when mamma and my brother went to sleep and father was still watching TV I sat beside him telling him about the times I had dreams showing me the end of our world. I told him that many times in my dreams I have seen this world ending, things coming to the final halt, that I saw moments in my dreams where I was waiting for Allah on the day of judgement to come and see if I had to go to heaven or hell. I told him a few more things before I came back to my computer in the living room.
I came to know from a friend that we have to pay another $100 to the US government before going to the embassy for the visa. That gave me a lot of discomfort. I was never told about it and I had never tired to find out if there were more bills to pay. I had missed that point in the check lists too. Mamma would give that money but it hurt me a lot because I had never planned for it. It hurts a lot when things happen unplanned. It disappoints a lot when things happen and we had not planned for him. There is always, or almost always, a plan for me. This time I had missed a point and it made me sad.
$100 might not be so big. But after looking at how much mamma is trying to have perfect documents prepared for me for visa I somehow felt I am being very unfair toward her. I know she won't tell much when I tell her about this extra bill. It will just be another small addition to what she is paying for me. Increasing cost of Dollar has been another disheartening thing. It makes a difference of another lakh Rupees. I know there are returns, I know it's all for good and everybody is happy with it, but these $100 didn't make feel good. Money, alhamdulillah, won't be a problem but I will wait for a day when I can tell my parents that we will never have to worry about money again. That day I know they will tell me that there was enough already given to us by Allah and it was not anything like a problem. And I will tell them that they both won't have to work for money again.
I had gone to college on Thursday all alone. I couldn't get what I wanted but did figure out how to get it. From there I went to my cousins' place. I had a good time with them though we did nothing like going out or anything specific. One of them dropped me home in the evening. We were supposed to meet again today but he got along with his friends to some farmhouse and we decided to meet later. Facebook is still good. Some times I wish I had a faster network my computer is connected to. Some times I wonder why people read and see about people in love or love stories or movies, enjoy them, show empathy and sacred concern, but never want to be a part of anything like what they read or see.
We always have options. Even in the worst of times; even when somebody is dead. It's not easy and nice to think about options in grave situations like death but when time passes by we realize that life itself had made the choice and has brought smiles back on our lips. I wouldn't complain if I have to go to Infosys instead of UTD. But I would be a little sad that I could have received a few more things than UTD if I could get F1 visa than starting with a job in India. There are always options. In every single phase and leap of our lives. As long as we are alive we have options we must use. We won't have any options when we are dead.
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