Friday, November 3, 2006

I breach my character today... pathetic

We were called inside the lab at 12:30 pm. When I looked at the names of the programs I had to execute, I knew Allah has been too kind with me. There were 2 of them - I had to create 2 waveforms on the CRO. It hardly took any time for me to finish the writing part on the answer script. We then left for the prayers. I came back and did nothing till 2:45 pm. I was waiting for the other 2 students to finish with their work on the CRO.

I got my turn. One of the programs my friends did was not done properly so he was waiting for me so that he can correct his program after I finish with mine. I typed the first program and tried to execute it. The waveform wasn't right. It was a shock to me. I made a few changes and tried again. No luck this time too. I called the sir. He made some changes to the CRO and said there was something wrong with the settings and that now it was fine. I tried my code again. It didn't work.

My friend who was sitting beside me was asking me to finish off my work at the earliest. We hardly had 30 more minutes left and he had to complete his programs. I was confused. I knew I could work on the code and get the required output. But I had to finish it early so that he gets through the exam. I opened the list of programs done previously by other students. I executed the already available 2 programs, showed it to the incharge, got the 'executed' attestation done on my answer scrit and left. My friend came out after sometime.

I came out and told my friends about how bad my viva was and how tensed I was when I had to wait for the CRO and do nothing. I told them that I had cheated.

The last time I did such a nasty thing was in the last semister. Before that it was when I was in my first year of engineering. Before that it was during my school days - 2nd standard. ... I had written the spelling of a word on my hand for a dictation test I was afraid of. Later when I told an aunt about this, she just said to me that it is dangerous to cheat this way as there is always a chance that hands may be checked. I never cheated after that. In no way. Untill I came to engineering.

I am the very person who always used to tell my friends about the importance of integrity. I had also written an article on that. I had always tried to be fair with everything I did. I had condemned every person who cheated. Even when that person was my friend. Just a few days back, during Ramazam, I had told all my friends that it is a sin to cheat. My parents have taught me that it is a grave sin to cheat. The Holy Quran forbids me from doing such a thing.

I don't know why I did it. Perhaps because my friend was waiting. But that does not give me the permission to do it. Integrity has no room for excuses. And, blatantly and foolishly I told about this to my friends and here, now, I am writing about what I had done today. What do I do? How do I repent? I don't even feel like crying with just some exceptions of a few tears in my eyes. I won't forget this all my life. I pray to Allah that I don't repeat such a coward deed.

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