If at all there is something called as luck, then I am the luckiest.

When 2 of my friends told me that they were going to bunk the class in teh afternoon today, it took me no time to decide that I would be accompanying them. I later found that it was a wrong thing I had done. They ragged a junior (asked him to act as if he is driving some F1 car then a bike), and wasted a lot of time near the canteen. I could have left for home and did something productive. I had thought of starting with some homework I have to complete before Saturday, but I simply couldnt get the right things to start on that.

Yesterday I received the CDs I had ordered on canonical.com The CDs were of UBUNTU, an operating System based on Linux. I want to have it instelled on mysystem but unfortunately my CD ROM isnt working. They have sent me 5 copies of the software and all this was free of any charge.

I had writtn the title of this post 2 hours back and saved it as a draft. It is what I have always felt and had already written once on this blog. I have what I had always wanted to have ... even more than that actually. All things came at the right time. Further more, it feels nice when I call myself the luckiest; I doesnt make me feel like a looser.

Yesterday I went to a birthday party of a friend. Actually we are not friends but as I was invited along with my other friends, I went along. Initialy I was a bit uncomfortable being there, but it was fine later.

My sister's wedding date has finally been decided. It will be 21st of December. I am eagerly looking forward to the occasion. Again I will get a chance to have all my cousins here except for those who live abroad. But its going to be a little of emotional for all of us I guess - my sister is perhaps the most cuddled one. She may be leaving for US as soon as she gets married. But thers a problem - I will have to go to Guntur to attend the reception function!

I do not know aht I am writing today but I have been tring to put manytings. I have already typed and deleted so much. Until some weeks back I had the freedom of writing anything I wanted do, but now its different - I am being made to think about who would read it and what he/she would think about.

Today I finally started with the washing of my clothes. I did the first set today. I think I will have to do 2 more of them. I had accumilated more than 30 shirts and trousers. It was big task - I first had to wash some dirt out from collars and cuffs and then load them into the machine. It hardly took an hour once I switched the machine on. I will go for the next 12 clothes tomorrow.

Emotional crap!

I shall write more here, as I have been doing all these days, starting from tomorrow. Though I had time today, I didnt wish to write because if I had written anyting, I felt I may end up regretting it! I didnt find myself in the right frame to write a post that would be decent enough to be here. It could have been another emotional crap!

Where am I standing again?

I have my internals going on. I did the first one a "little not so good" but the second was fine. All this time in the evening I have been trying to study but there is only one answer I have gone through till now. I do not know what I am going to write tomorrow. Heheh ...

I hope I am forgiven .... But by whom?

It was a long day today. I slept yesterday at 2:30 am and woke up today at 9:15 pm. I was at Career Launcher at 12 pm sharp. I had my first class there as a back up for the ones I have missed till now. I was the only student presnt in the class and the instructor was too good. The class was very interesting - on english usage. After some explanation, I wrote a test of 45 minutes. I had to attempt 117 questions and the marks I scored, according to the instructor, were better than what other students do for that particular test.

I was the only student in the class. I never knew it would be even this way - they take a class even when only one student is present. I even have the facility of getting a class scheduled for me if I happen to miss any of the regular classes. And sitting alone in the class was a new thing for me. I had all my concentration with the lecture with nothing disturbing me. It was the same in the evening too when I was ther at 6:30. I wrote 3 more tests in the evening.

The classes are a lot different from what I see at my college. The lecturers here are more comitted towards the students and they give personal attention. They already know my name. I am constantly being asked if I am following. Unlike at the college, I will never think of anything else sitting in the class room here.

Yesterday in the college, after listening to some comment from my DBMS sir, I got some new thing in my mind - I dont care which section I am in, all I need is to finish my engineering as soon as possible. I know it will be hard for me to part from my friends, but this is exactly what I want. I am desperate to get away from this city and study at some very nice business school before I leave for US. I will give my best to be in US in the same city my sister will be.

I had a chat with her today and felt very good after that. We had lots of jokes and kept some old things away from the talk. But I told her that when we are in US - whenever it is - we are never going to talk about somebody. She said 'yes'. Then I told her that I am going to save this today's chat and she it to her if she talks on that. I even said that I will keep reminding myself again and again that I never have to talk about that somebody. Then we spoke on several things before she left. She said she ill be here in September.

So things are more clear for me now. After engineering, its MBA and then US. All I have to do is get through CAT, GD and PI successfully and put myself under a lot of strain for 2 years. And never allow myself get disturbed with any unwarranted things. I have hard ties ahead and I am alo worried about my performance at the college. I need to somehow keep the percentage above 75. This is a it of shame for me but things have mde me that way - settle for less. I blow away everything in a laugh. . ... thats the best way to hide things!

The class ended at 9 pm and thnx to a friend who has joined CL, I was home at 9:30 pm as he dropped me on his bike. His house is around 7 kilometers from mine.

I was just thinking what would happen to me if I fail to get through all this. There woul be no place for me to hide my face from myself. I dont have much to think about what others would say, but I cant face myself if anything goes wrong.

And I am in a grave problem if somebody is expecting something from me in the final year. I had given my words to that person saying something I meant will all my heart. I am going to break those words. I hope I am forgiven .... but by whom? Am I being silly? Phew! ... again.

My post for yesterday: Huh and Phew!

In the picture of my school days, I am the rightmost person in the row second from down. It was taken in my 10^th standard. The teachers, from left, are Mrs. Laxmi Krishnan, Mrs. Rupa Kulkarni, Mrs. Jukta Ahluwalia, Bro. Prabhakar Reddy, and Mrs. Pavitra …. I have forgotten the names of the last two of them. My favorite sir, Mr. E A Francis, who taught me English from class 8, is missing in the photograph. Even the most hilarious sir, Mr. Bakshi, who taught me Physics in class 10, is also not there. I don’t remember much of my school days except of some old memories that come into me when I am in some weird mood. I remember my first day to the school – on June 13^th, 1990. Before that I had been to some school near my house at Mehdipatnam, Amba Gardens. I had joined that school when I was 2 and half years of age.

Today, after coming home I arranged all my books, put all old news papers in the right place, cleared my table, cleared my computer, and even arranged the shelf where I stack all my books and CDs. It looks nice now. I still have to put my clothes in the washing machine. I haven’t done it for the past 20 days and I have a big heap of clothes lying in some place in my parent’s bedroom. It will take two rounds of washing to clear them. Then I will have to give them for ironing to the laundry person who visits every Sunday. I haven’t gotten any of my clothes ironed in the last 2 weeks and I had been managing my clothes somehow by wearing them repeatedly. I usually don’t wear any shirt for more than once in 19 days. I think I didn’t do that – I broke a rule I had on myself.

As long as my books were lying on the divan in the living room, my parents were constantly after me – I knew they were right. But now, after I have put everything right, I didn’t even a word from them about that. I don’t want any praise about that, I just need to know that they have sent hat I have done the work.

I opened my computer today. I broke its guarantee seal. It already 11 months since that thing expired. I even broke my optical drive’s guarantee seal. I got to learn so many things from all this today. I removed the AGP card from my cousin’s PC and tried it on my computer. His mother board seems to have some problem. I tried his monitor with my CPU, and then my CPU with his monitor, tried things with the VGA ports, and finally concluded that it is his mother board that has some problem. I had my friend with me to assist me with all this.

I have been thinking about writing some poems for the last 3-4 days. I don’t know why I am not writing. Tomorrow I have to attend 2 classes at CL. One at 12 noon which will help me catch up with the syllabus I have missed and another at 6:30 pm which will be the regular scheduled class. I have found something interesting here in CL – if I miss some class, I can get it scheduled for myself at a time suitable for the instructor and me. I have never seen this kind of thing before given that I no institutes ever care for students who bunk any classes. It’s different here.

I have my first internals starting form Monday. After some serious thinking I found myself a bit of uncomfortable with 3 of the 5 subjects I have. I will give some brief reading for them tomorrow. I have to manage time properly in the coming days. I have many tings to learn. Its not enough that I call foolish – I need to work it out and change myself. I am thinking about it for several months. That’s all I am doing. God save me from my … whatever it is! … :D Huh!

I missed my afternoon class today just because some of my class mates told me that they are not going to attend it. I thought they would be no class and I left college for home. Later my friend told me that there was a class conducted and some students did attend it. I don’t want to miss any classes now; I have already missed a lot because of y cousin’s marriage, and several other things I am not convinced with.

Today I had a birthday party to attend. It was of a small girl who lives on the ground floor of my house. She is the daughter of my neighbor. They had invited us, but I didn’t fell like going. My mother scolded me and even my father wasn’t happy with me. Whenever my mother had not felt like going to some party, I was the one who used to shout at her. It was her chance this time. It is a compulsion that we attend a function when we have been invited – this is according to the holy Sunnath. I violated it today. I simply didn’t feel like going. I got a chicken roll for myself and had it sitting in front of the television. I hardly remember what I have seen on it.

But later after my parents and bother were back, my neighbors sent a few things for us - biryani, chocolate cake, etc.. I ate a little of these two too.

Now that I have arranged my books, there is some kind of new feeling in the living room. It looks a part of my house! Now, when I sit in front f the computer and turn towards my right, I find all the books aligned into the shelf evenly in respect to their sizes. It looks as if I am a very studious and a hardworking person!

The first book on the right is Linux 6 Unleashed. Then the next are Managerial Economics, C How to Program, Database System Concepts, Microprocessor Systems, Data Communications and Networking, A diary in which I store all the currency notes of various countries my father and I have collected over these years, then a book that is a collection of some 12 works by Khaleel Gibran (I don’t understand why he used to paint pictures portraying nudity – some of them are included in this book and it has always made me uncomfortable while I read it), Operating System concepts, Compact Oxford Reference, Personality Plus, Dictionary of Phrasal Verbs, Dictionary of Idioms, Northern Nights (I have ‘stopped’ reading it now), The Fountainhead, Rage of angels and Nothing Lasts Forever. Then there is the stereo that fits into my car’s music system followed by a telephone directly which only my father maintains. There is also the digital assistant (which is not working) lying in the corner.

I have written all this just to write something. It was interesting for me – writing what exists on my left when I sit in front of my computer - because this is what I see so frequently everyday. I have reviewed nothing in this post … I write this so many times, phew!

There was some problem with blogger yesterday. Even today it did trouble me.

Where am I standing?

I opened the 'create post' page long back and was ting about what I am supposed to write for today. I started writing something that was more of directness and may be God didn't want me to post it. The power went off. Now that I am writing again, I think I should put things from a different angle - more sarcastic!

Today I went to buy books with my friend. Thnx to him; he helped me bargain - I am not good at it. Before buying the books we went to his house and also had chicken rolls. I reached home by 6:30 pm

In the morning I was at Career launcher's office. I have enrolled myself there and my classes will be on Saturday and Sunday - 6:30 tp 8:30 pm and 9:30 to 11:30 a respectively. I have taken this schedule so that even if I have any tests or exams going on in the college, I will not have to skip any classes here. Now after taking the admission, I feel something different, a kind of responsibility of the expectations my parents have from me. They dont know the size of my expectations I have frommyself and how badly I have been hurt in the past ....

I am now trying to relive some old dream I had.

Today a friend of mine asked me "what are YOU doing now a days?". The toughest question I had faced before was from a friend which was in reply to a very 'foolish' letter I had written in the month of October last year.

I do know what I am doing now a days. And I know that I am not supposed to do it. But I know what I will be doing in the days to come and I knwo that I am supposed to do that. I have compared somebody with me today, yesterday and even somedays back! I am still wondering who is better. Does anybody have a frank answer? I know people who know me have it!

Huh! ... too much is always bad!

I have been given some material by CL and I have already started reading it. They have also given me a magazine - Management Compass. I have read a few articles from it and I really found them of my interest. They are more fromt eh corporate world giving information about the present moves by many major companies int India and also the by the Indian government. There is also a section that speaks in short about the latest happening in India that can make some difference everywhere - all this just to prepare me for CAT. I am surely going to like it.

I was thinking that I really dont have somebody with me who would tell me about me so that I could turn myself into something much better. I always get different opinions and they come in packets which are hard to interpret. I know it is always difficult to be frank. I know even I am nt hat frank. But still ...

I also wanted to tell that I have stopped reviewing my posts on this blog before publishing them. There may be many spelling and gramatical mistakes. I dont feel like readin what I have written. I find it easier to write - rather!

I have walked through places for 12 years