I waited for more than an hour waiting to get soemthing to write on with the blank screen in front of me. I got nothing. Actually I didn't feel like writing what I thought. So thoughts are really mad and foolish, this feeling was one among them. I will write tomorrow morning when I drive crazyness out of me!

A few days back in one of my updates in this space Ihad written the following -

"Today when I woke up at 12 I found no one at home. The main door was open and I was shocked to find that my brother who had not gone to his college today was not home. When he came back from his school ( thats what he said), where he had gone to take his certificates, I scolded him. He said he informed when I was sleeping and replied too!"

Today some one anonymous commentd on it saying it was bad of me scolding my brother. That person also said "no offence meant".

I have no idea who that person was but I can tell a lot about the mindset of his/her. But all I would like too say is that my father too was unhappy at mu brother later in the vening because of the same reason. I was not wrong in scolding him. He knows he should have awaken me completely before leaving. But as soon as the scolding was over everything was normal and we forgot everything.

Yesterday I went to my college. I had to take some signatures for my bus pass. It was raining and my friend and I were complete drenched. We enjoyed a lot. Later in the evening we found many ppl at the bus depot so we submitted the pass today. We met early in the morning at 8am. From there we went to meet another who was sleeping. We sepnt more than an hour with him. I didn't do anything much today. Tomorrow I will be going for a movie with mu couzns. I wil surely enjoy that.

Good Mornings now a days!

I couldn't write an update yesterday. It was already 1:15 am when I finished with my post on Flowing Emotions and I went to bed. I remember staying awake till 2:45 am just lying. I woke up at 4:50 am. I took small naps after that till 8 am but I know I will spend the rest of the day today sleep deprived. Today I had my breakfast early too. It is maybe after several weeks I have had it so early.

I finally completed the editing of the post that was lying. I changed more than half of it. I removed 2 of the 3 examples I had written ad even converted the third one into a complete different form. I kept it more straight.

I have not spent much time on the internet in the last 10 days. I was not at home for a few days and at the other times I was busy reading or sleeping.

Yesterday morning just after the sky was filled with light (not sun rays) I went to my terrace. I wanted to some snaps of the sunrise and the horizon at that time. It was overcast and all I could get were some shots of clouds and a few birds. I don't think I can ever gt a clear horizon to see from my house with so much concrete around. The weather was pleasant and I spend a lot of time under the cloudy sky.

I was carrying an emotional baggage with me - some pieces of paper. I thought it was silly to have them with me. I was not getting enough heart to dispose it off. I burned them yesterday. The burnt pieces were still there but I kept away from them. The rain might have swept it away by now.

For the last 2 days I have been taking care of my father's and brother's breakfasts and lunches. Yesterday I had to prepare sandwiches. Today it was a little easier. My mom left at 6:50 am today. Tomorrow will be her last day at Mahboobnagar.

For the past 3 days I have been trying to go to my college. But my friend is too busy and he is not able to give me the company I require. Today he is ready and I hope I make it now.

This update is unedited - mistakes obvious

It was Sunday morning when I came to know that my grandfather's elder brother was coming to Hyderabad. He lives in Warangal. He was in Hyderabad after a year. The last time he was here when my grandfather was hospitlised. This Sunday he dropped in for a little more than 2 hours. I met him.

Later in the vening that day I came to know about my aunt's arrival from Mecca the next morning. Later that night I stayed at my aunt's house who lives in old city. Early morning I went to pick my aunt. The day was spent at my grandparents' house where my aunts lives in India.

I did a lot of thing on Sunday and Monday. I had a very hectic kind of schedule - all things with my will and interest - and I enjoyed it. I slept for hardly 3 hours on Sunday night. I woke up at 4:30 am.

Yesterday I went to meet my friend. I was with him the complete afternoon.

Yesterday night I slept early - at 11:33 pm. I woke up at 5 am. I slept again at 8:30 am after everybody at home had left.

My mom has to do some inspection work in Mahboobnagar. She left early morning. She wanted to stay there but didnt find a good suitable place. She will make trips to that place daily. She has a tiresome job to dof or the next 3 days till Saturday. She is commuting by train.

I really had many things in mind all these days. I wanted to write on one of the topics I had listed on my blog. I am just not able to get enough. I am reading and not using my computer much. I did a lot of cleaning work today. The shelves near my computer are clean now.

I have 18 more holidays to go. I had decided to write on 25 people. I did start but didn't spend much time on it. I will do it now. I will veen finish that list and also an unedited post still lying. I have that 'unfinished letter' too to be completed. I have a few books to read too. I know I can do all this if I want but I do not know if I'd want to do it or not. I wish I had someone to give a boost to me. I am living a lonely life now a days and being interfered when I am needed. I liek being this way. I was never enforced with any responsibilites and my parents, right from my childhood, have been telling me that I have only one responsibility and that is me. Good but empty for me!

I am still happy. I am doing great. I wish I had autarchy too.

I am leaving this update incomplete. I have seen and thought about many things in the last few days, of course as usual, but I don't feeling like sharing them. I had some hard times with myself too with some old endeavors disturbing me. But I am doing great. I like theses kind of disturbances. They teach me a lot. I was aware of everything that was happening to me and I didn't allow any mood swings to occur :)

Yup!

I was not at home for 2 days. I am very tired today and I will write tomorrow. I have a lot of things to do.

A hard copy finally

I finally took the printouts of some of my blog postings - 'Humilis and Purpa', 'My Perceptions of My Own Life' and 'Reality is Larger Than Life'. I even went for an essay by Ayn Rand on objectivist ethics and one of her interviews. Later in the evening I got my dad to read 'My Perceptions of My Life'. He red it with good interest and also pointed out some corrections in grammar and also adviced a few things. He didn't comment on the ideologies I have oresented there. I was happy he didn't comment. He asked for a final copy with the corrections made along with my mail ID on it.

Today I even got some books for reading. Two of them are novels by Sidney Sheldon and the third is a non-fiction self-help. I first have to finish 'Becoming a Person of Influence'. I shall pack up with that in next couple of days.

My aunt who had gone to Mecca is coming back much against my wish. She says she has no one to talk to during the daytime. She says she is getting bored being home all day. She doesn't seem to like the life in Saudi Arabia. She is the first person I have seen who has this kind of complaint. She says she will now prepare herself so that she can live there forever starting from next year. Hope she sticks to this.

In the vening I got completely drenched in the rain. I had the option of taking some shelter in the shops nearby but I preferred walking back home. I wanted to enjoy the rain too. Further I didn't even know if it was even going to stop - my prayers are always fulfilled - all praise is for God.

Then there was no power at home. I had my dinner in candle light, discussing about novel writing about my dad. He was also telling about a huse his friend is getting constructed in the outskirts of the city - he says it will come out as a masterpiece. In a day or two he will take me to the site. I am eager to talk to the architect who too is my dad's friend.

I was searching for 'Atlas Shrugged'. But my aunt who had it said she had given it to someone who has not returned it yet and she has forgotten who that somebody was. I have enough things to read now - all taken from her. I will try to finish all the reading before my colleges start.

The start of my colleges also coincides with the start of several functions in my family and relatives. My cousin sister is getting married in July and many of my relatives come to India during this part of the year. This time a few more relatives who have not visited India since a long time are expected to come. I do not know but I am not so eager for these reunions. I hope I get along fine with all this.

Flowing ...

This time I wrote what I wanted to write in 2 days of deciding it. But still the list is there. I will work on that soon. It took me a little more than 2 hours to write this particular post and it contained excess of 2600 words. I started writing it and it was only after completing it that I realised its size. I was satisfied after reading it. It was really what the name of my blog says - Flowing Emotions.

Today when I woke up at 12 I found no one at home. The main door was open and I was shocked to find that my brother who had not gone to his college today was not home. When he came back from his school ( thats what he said), where he had gone to take his certificates, I scolded him. He said he informed when I was sleeping and replied too!

I didn't think much today. It was just reading and writing. Then in the evening I watched the television too for sometime. To be frank, I do not know what to write for today.

If the whole world followed me, would it be a better world?

So finally I got to my keyboard. I wanted to write the whole day today about many things but things couldn't be sparked in a way I prefer to have them like. I have finished the reading of 'The Fountainhead'. It took me 6 months to do it. I had almost left it untouched for a month in between. Whenever I read, I just gave in for 3-5 pages. I went for 50 pages once too. Sometimes it so happened that I got into some idea while reading and I surrendered to that idea for more comprehension over it.

But finally I am done and now I am reading 'Becoming a Person of Influence' by John C Maxwell and Jim Dornan. This book is creating a few conflictls in my mind because it preaches 'live for others'. I like having this disturbance and vibrations. They settle the matter perfectly with the heavy substance in the depths and the lighter ones at the top. It helps in better understanding and in decision what to stand for. I remember reading once 'if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything'.

I also got into the thinking about what would happen if every person started following everything I want him/her to. I felt it would be better to give the Holy Quran to everybody and enforce the beautiful book on them. But still I found that I need to learn a lot more before I can understand exactly how it would be if the whole world would have to follow me. It is better that I become someone I should follow first - with everything defined and everything decided - ready to be used - fresh from wars with self - fresh for wars against evil.

Yesterday I was at my friend's house. We had long discussions - on the 2 books he bought which are pirated, on people who are always after college syllabus - whose dreams are just to serve the ideas of their parents - those who don't like a life of their own - most importantly those who waste their potential, then about my parents because of whom the things I must stand for are being defined - implicitly, then more on subjects I can't write about here!

Then in the evening I played cricket with him. It was after a long time that I played any game outdoors. His brothers and cousines were with us and I enjoyed a lot. Here winning was never on my mind - it was more with the game and the satisfaction through the play - the desire and not the object - again!

I came back home late in the evening and was glad to see my father after 2 days. Then we both spoke on several things. I asked about the books he had read. He said even he has no count of that. I asked him how he felt after reading the books of Ayn Rand - he said he took all her philosophy as just her point of view and nothing more. I wondered if I am a fool taking her philosophy so seriously or is it fine for me to learn things this way. I still need an answer for that.

I was too tired so didn't write eanything much yesterday. I woke up early today (at 9:50 am... :D when my mom leaves for her office). I had some work to do and after that I had a half mango, some snacks and slept again. There wasn't much I did during the day and I do not know how the time went by. I don't think anything can bore me. I can make myself enjoyable to me in every way. I like holidays the same way I like the college days - just that there are lesser people involved in the later.

On tuesday when I went out to get a copy of a newspaper to read (a second one that day), I lifted my gaze to look at people around. Usually I do not lift my eyes beyond 6 inches from my feel. I have faced a lot because of this way I have adopted while walking - poeple have sometimes taken to an understanding that there is something mysterious with me when I look down and walk, it has been taken that I am a coward, or always something which I never meant. But I do see up several times and on this particular day I saw many things - abstractions I should call them. I shall later describe in detail what all I felt.

On the same day when I was at my grandparents' house in the night, on that huge bed, alone, I couldn't sleep easily. I went to bed at 10:45 pm and was awake till 1:30 am. This was the time I last saw. I was not bored in any way.I was thinking and learning. I shall write that too. At around 12:30 am, the same night, my aunt from Mecca called and she was asking the size of my clothes and all. She was doing her shopping and she didn't look at her watch before calling!

Sometime back I just got a feeling that I am writting less and less for Flowing Emotions and other blogs. I felt the reason is this particular blog - The ME Daily. I am sharing so much here itself that I don't find anything more to go in depth at any other place. But I know there are many more things to be written now and I shall do them as and when I feel like. I am searching for a nice thing or a software to write a review on for The Technology Blog. Writing for this blog is easy as I don't require any preparations and its just a walk on the things I have thought and done the whole day. Writing for others demnads preparations and some scraps of data and information which may or may not help me - it fires me into the writing atmosphere.

But I understand one thing - it is easier to write on than to read from a computer!

It was not plagiarism

The first paragraph of my previous post on this space had in an unreserved way the perfect explanation of what was to be expected in the next paragraphs. If anyone thought of me as a plagiarist then there must be something wrong with the working of thier muscles around the lens in their eyes or with the language of english they seem to understand.

I had a good day today spent with a friend after a night at my grandparents' house. I feel a bit tired now and I do not intend to force myself into a chain of words and thoughts that I would end today's update right in the next sentence. I have got many things to write on from the last two days I have spent thinking, reading, finishing 'The Fountainhead', and several more actions on the street and at home, that I shall write in detail when I wake up tomorrow and feel like letting the words off on the keyboard without any feel of effort - neither on my hands nor on my brains.

Learn How to Destroy the Men, the Masses and the World

I wanted to share this. After completing the editing (90% is not my original) I had to spend time in thinking the exact blog that should hold this article. Then I remembered the words on the top of ‘The ME Daily’. I found my space.

Not for those who have read 'The Fountainhead'.

Destroying people is an art that can be learnt. I am writing the following after reading a part of ‘The Fountainhead’. This may seem to be a little of unbecoming of me as I am writing on destruction, not just simple destruction, but the destruction of people. I have taken almost all lines directly from the book and I take no credit for any part of this complete explanation; I take the responsibility but. The words here have been made to be said by a character Ellsworth Toohey. I am using them. Simply.

The purpose of me putting this on my blog, as would definitely be doubted by everybody, is that rather than helping to destroy someone, I intend to let them know what can destroy them; or is destroying them. This piece of information can be used in a disgraceful way – for an evil purpose. My purpose of writing it - help others understand the evil being inflicted on them - due to anything they might have done, or not done.

The so called thinkers or philosophers, or principally the preachers of ‘good’ have done a great deal of teaching on how people must be happy or what they should do to be happy. I, for the help of making things understood better, for the next few minutes, will call myself a successor of such kind of men, till the end of this text. A person who wants to rule the world by destroying people’s ‘self’ is narrating his ideas and intentions.

I want to rule the world. I intend to rule. Like all my spiritual predecessors. But I’m luckier than they were. I inherited the fruit of their efforts and I shall be the one who’ll see the great dream made real. I see it all around me today. I recognize it. I like it. Enjoyment is my destiny. I shall find such satisfaction as my capacity permits. I shall rule the world.

It’s only a matter of discovering the lever. If you learn how to rule one single man’s soul, you can get the rest of mankind. It’s the soul, the soul. Not whips or swords or fire or guns. That’s why the Caesars, the Attilas, the Napoleons were fools and did not last. I will. The soul, is that which can’t be ruled. It must be broken. Drive a wedge in, get
your fingers on it--and the man is yours. You won’t need a whip--he’ll bring it
to you and ask to be whipped. Set him in reverse--and his own mechanism will do
your work for you.

Use him against himself. Want to know how it’s done? There are many ways. Here’s one. Make man feel small. Make him feel guilty. Kill his aspiration and his integrity. That’s difficult. The worst among you gropes for an ideal in his own twisted way. Kill integrity by internal corruption. Use it against itself. Direct it toward a goal destructive of all integrity. Preach selflessness. Tell man that he must live for others. Tell men that altruism is the ideal. Not a single one of them has ever achieved it and not a single one ever will. His every living instinct screams against it. But don’t you see what you accomplish? Man realizes that he’s incapable of what he’s accepted as the noblest virtue--and it gives him a sense of guilt, of sin, of his own basic unworthiness. Since the supreme ideal is beyond his grasp, he gives up eventually all ideals, all aspiration, all sense of his personal value.


He feels himself obliged to preach what he can’t practice. But one can’t be good halfway or honest approximately. To preserve one’s integrity is a hard battle. Why preserve that which one knows to be corrupt already? His soul gives up its self-respect. You’ve got him. He’ll obey. He’ll be glad to obey--because he can’t trust himself, he feels uncertain, he feels unclean. That’s one way. Here’s another. Kill man’s sense of values. Kill his capacity to recognize greatness or to achieve it. Great men can’t be ruled. We don’t want any great men. Don’t deny the conception of greatness. Destroy it from within. The great is the rare, the difficult, the exceptional. Set up standards of achievement open to all, to the least, to the most inept--and you stop the impetus to effort in all men, great or small. You stop all incentive to improvement, to excellence, to perfection.

Don’t set out to raze all shrines--you’ll frighten men. Enshrine mediocrity--and the shrines are razed. Then there’s another way. Kill by laughter. Laughter is an instrument of human joy. Learn to use it as a weapon of destruction. Turn it into a sneer. It’s simple. Tell them to laugh at everything. Tell them that a sense of humor is an unlimited virtue. Don’t let anything remain sacred in a man’s soul—and his soul won’t be sacred to him. Kill reverence and you’ve killed the hero in man. One doesn’t reverence with a giggle. He’ll obey and he’ll set no limits to his obedience--anything goes--nothing is too serious.

Here’s another way. This is most important. Don’t allow men to be happy. Happiness is self-contained and self-sufficient. Happy men have no time and no use for you. Happy men are free men. So kill their joy in living. Take away from them whatever is dear or important to them. Never let them have what they want. Make them feel that the mere fact of a personal desire is evil. Bring them to a state where saying ‘I want’ is no longer a natural right, but a shameful admission. Altruism is of great help in this. Unhappy men will come to you. They’ll need you. They’ll come for consolation, for support, for escape. Nature allows no vacuum. Empty man’s soul--and the space is yours to fill. This is the oldest one of all. Look back at history. Look at any great system of ethics, from the Orient up. Didn’t they all preach the sacrifice of personal joy? Under all the complications of verbiage, haven’t they all had a single leitmotif: sacrifice, renunciation, self-denial? Haven’t you been able to catch their theme song--’Give up, give up, give up, give up’?

Look at the moral atmosphere of today. Everything enjoyable, from cigarettes to sex to ambition to the profit motive, is considered depraved or sinful. Just prove that a thing makes men happy--and you’ve damned it. That’s how far we’ve come. We’ve tied happiness to guilt. And we’ve got mankind by the throat. Throw your first-born into a sacrificial furnace--lie on a bed of nails--go into the desert to mortify the flesh--don’t dance--don’t go to the movies on Sunday--don’t try to get rich--don’t smoke--don’t drink. It’s all the same line. The great line. Fools think that taboos of this nature are just nonsense. Something left over, old-fashioned.

But there’s always a purpose in nonsense. Don’t bother to examine a folly--ask yourself only what it accomplishes. Every system of ethics that preached sacrifice grew into a world power and ruled millions of men. Of course, you must dress it up. You must tell people that they’ll achieve a superior kind of happiness by giving up everything that makes them happy. You don’t have to be too clear about it. Use big vague words. ’Universal Harmony’--’Eternal Spirit’--’Divine Purpose’--’Nirvana’--’Paradise’--’Racial Supremacy’--’The Dictatorship of the Proletariat.’ Internal corruption. That’s the oldest one of all. The farce has been going on for centuries and men still fall for it. Yet the test should be so simple: just listen to any prophet and if you hear him speak of sacrifice--run. Run faster than from a plague. It stands to reason that where there’s sacrifice, there’s someone collecting sacrificial offerings. Where there’s service, there’s someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice, speaks of slaves and masters. And intends to be the master.

But if ever you hear a man telling you that you must be happy, that it’s your natural right, that your first duty is to yourself--that will be the man who’s not after your soul. That will be the man who has nothing to gain from you. But let him come and you’ll scream your empty heads off, howling that he’s a selfish monster. So the racket is safe for many, many centuries. But here you might have noticed something. I said, ’It stands to reason.’ Do you see? Men have a weapon against you. Reason. So you must be very sure to take it away from them. Cut the props from under it. But be careful. Don’t deny outright. Never deny anything outright, you give your hand away. Don’t say reason is evil--though some have gone that far and with astonishing success. Just say that reason is limited. That there’s something above it. What? You don’t have to be too clear about it either. The field’s inexhaustible. ’Instinct’--’Feeling’--’Revelation’--’Divine Intuition’--’Dialectic Materialism.’

If you get caught at some crucial point and somebody tells you that your doctrine doesn’t make sense--you’re ready for him. You tell him that there’s something above sense. That here he must not try to think, He must feel. He must believe. Suspend reason and you play it deuces wild. Anything goes in any manner you wish whenever you need it. You’ve got him. Can you rule a thinking man? We don’t want any thinking men.

You’re afraid to see where it’s leading. I’m not I’ll tell you. The world of the future. The world I want. A world of obedience and of unity. A world where the thought of each man will not be his own, but an attempt to guess the thought of the brain of his neighbor who’ll have no thought of his own but an attempt to guess the thought of the next neighbor who’ll have no thought--and so on, around the globe. Since all must agree with all. A world where no man will hold a desire for himself, but will direct all his efforts to satisfy the desires of his neighbor who’ll have no desires except to satisfy the desires of the next neighbor who’ll have no desires--around the globe. Since all must serve all.

A world in which man will not work for so innocent an incentive as money, but for that headless monster--prestige. The approval of his fellows--their good opinion--the opinion of men who’ll be allowed to hold no opinion. An octopus, all tentacles and no brain. Judgment! Not judgment, but public polls. An average drawn upon zeroes--since no individuality will be permitted. A world with its motor cut off and a single heart, pumped by hand. My hand--and the hands of a few, a very few other men like me. Those who know what makes you tick--you great, wonderful average, you who have not risen in fury when we called you the average, the little, the common, you who’ve liked and accepted those names. You’ll sit enthroned and enshrined, you, the little people, the absolute ruler to make all past rulers squirm with envy, the absolute, the unlimited, ‘God’ and Prophet and King combined. Vox populi. The average, the common, the general. Do you know the proper antonym for Ego? Bromide. The rule of the bromide. But even the trite has to be originated by someone at some time. We’ll do the originating. Vox dei. We’ll enjoy unlimited submission—from men who’ve learned nothing except to submit. We’ll call it ‘to serve.’ We’ll give out medals for service. You’ll fall over one another in a scramble to see who can submit better and more. There will be no other distinction to seek. No
other form of personal achievement.

Everything that can’t be ruled, must go. And if freaks persist in being born occasionally, they will not survive beyond their twelfth year. When their brain begins to function, it will feel the pressure and it will explode. The pressure gauged to a vacuum. Do you know the fate of deep-sea creatures brought out to sunlight? So much for future egotistical. The rest of you will smile and obey. Have you noticed that the imbecile always smiles? Man’s first frown is the first touch of God on his forehead. The touch of thought. But we’ll have neither God nor thought. Only voting by smiles. Automatic levers--all saying yes.

What of me, the ruler? What of me? And I’d say, Yes, you’re right. I’ll have no purpose save to keep you contented. To lie, to flatter you, to praise you, to inflate your vanity. To make speeches about the people and the common good. I’m the most selfish man you’ve every known. I have more independence than you; I just force you to sell your soul. I use people for the sake of what I can do to them. It’s my only function and satisfaction I want power. I want my world of the future. Let all live for all. Let all sacrifice and none profit. Let all suffer and none enjoy. Let progress stop. Let all stagnate. There’s equality in stagnation. All subjugated to the will of all. Universal slavery--without even the dignity of a master. Slavery to slavery. A great circle--and a total equality. The world of the future.

You can say I am insane. There you sit and the world’s written all over you, your last hope. Insane? Look around you. Pick up any newspaper and read the headlines. Isn’t it coming? Isn’t it here? Every single thing I told? Everything I said is contained in a single word--collectivism. And isn’t that the god of our century? To act together. To think--together. To feel--together. To unite, to agree, to obey. To obey, to serve, to sacrifice.

Remember the Roman Emperor who said he wished humanity had a single neck so he could cut it? People have laughed at him for centuries. But we’ll have the last laugh. We’ve accomplished what he couldn’t accomplish. We’ve taught men to unite. This makes one neck ready for one leash. We found the magic word. Collectivism.

Every country is dedicated to the proposition that man has no rights, that the collective is all. The individual held as evil, the mass--as god, No motive and no virtue permitted--except that of service to the proletariat. That’s one version. Here’s another. A country dedicated to the proposition that man has no rights, that the State is all. The individual held as evil, the race--as god. No motive and no virtue permitted--except that of service to the race.

If you’re sick of one version, we push you into the other. We get you coming and going. We’ve closed the doors. We’ve fixed the coin. Heads--collectivism, and tails-- collectivism. Fight the doctrine which slaughters the individual with a doctrine which laughters the individual. Give up your soul to a council--or give it up to a leader. But give it up, give it up, give it up. My technique. Offer poison as food and poison as antidote. Go fancy on the trimmings, but hang on to the main objective. Give the fools a choice, let them have their fun--but don’t forget the only purpose you have to accomplish. Kill the individual. Kill man’s soul. The rest will follow automatically. Observe the state of the world as of the present moment. Do you think I’m crazy?



The rights to the above are reserved for the owners of all the works of Ayn Rand.

I hope I meet him at least once before we die

My friend who was here in Hyderabad for a month is leaving for US tomorrow; untill now he was in Riyadh. He came to meet me today. The last things we spoke were "we will meet again. After 2 years or 4 years or after 10 years!" The way this was said made it look like we will at least meet before we die. It was hard for me to hear this being said. It was harded after he left. I am fine now.

He is going to Chicago. I do not have any relatives in Chicago. So should I anytime go to US I may not meet him unless something happens out of hand. Untill I came to my engineering he was the only one who was close to me outside my house. For the last past year I have hidden a lot from him. I couldn't help it. And now when I saw him after more than 2 years all I came to know that he is leaving. Forever. I had to talk to him about so much. I had to hear so much from him. Hope I meet him soon. May be after years.

I was supposed to go to my grandparents' house today. They said they will manage alone. I will go tomorrow if they want me to come. So even my plans to finish the novel have been postponed.

Yesterday I started writing another article but I didn't complete that one too. So now I have 3 things left to be finished. And of course not to forget the editing of 'Humilis and Purpa'. This new thing which I had started writing is something I had learned from 'The Fountainhead'. I know it sounds silly when I say I learn things from a novel, but I know what I am learning is good and it couldn't have been taught to me in any other way (probably). I will choose things that should become my teachers for myself - regardless of what others say or think.

Today will be one of my days I will never forget. I know I will be seeing much worse times than these. I am reminded of a hindi song that translates to "On the walk of life the miles-stones crossed never come again ...".

My brother removed his mustache finally. He trimmed them using a scissors and he did it remarkably neaty. When I first saw him he looked like my dad in his old photograph. But there was something more that was coming to my mind and after a very uncomfortable thinking I found that he was somewhat looking like the Shar Rukh Khan in DDLJ. His hair style made the resemblence more close. Hehehe!

My mom was on leave today. She had to take my grandfather to hospital. She later told me about the fuss he created there. She is of the opinion that old age is like a curse. Old people act like kids and they require a lot of care. We all someday get to see these days and by the time we come to see them we forget what I have written here - that we act like kids and require a lot of care. God save us all.