I AM DOING GREAT ... That is how I should be.

Now i won't really get on saying that i did nothing today or i wasted it, i know nothing is waste and every single second i spend, even just sitting in from of the computer, is precious because i am not thinking any senseless probabilities. I am trying to learn everything i can from what i am seeing and what i have already seen, and its giving incredible advantage to the psychological and mental growth I can make for myself (a bit theoritical though but i have understood that as long as we are good and strong at theory, we do practicals well :D).

the best thing i did today was cleaning my car. i had done it just a few days back but it was again in a very dusty and untidy condition. The sun we at its best functioning with lots of sweat in my clothes. Felt wonderful doing some hard work. And I liked what I did, the vehicle as clean as it becomes after a professional wash ... now let me make it clear, I have no plans to take this kind of profession ... I just wanted to be perfect in what I was doing. The shower I took after this "hard work" was really soothing (now please don't ask for a description of that, i can't handle it).

After that I went to my aunt's house and had some fun playing with kids with ages in single digits. They are so cute and sweet. But it feels very bad when they weep ... and feels more bad (terrible actually) when they shout to show their discontent ... but I like kids doing mischief, that's the way they should be.

Then came the most difficult part of the day, going around with mom and dad for shopping. They want to buy some furniture for our house and I was feeling sleepy going shop to shop studying every piece available.

And ye, did I mention the time I woke up in the morning today ... don't ask.

Hii ...

Feels really nice having written for 'flowing emotions'...as always. i was trying to explain myself what i am doing now so that i can read it regularly and corret myself. i am sure that works as i hav done this type of self-hypnosis before. now i would definitely like to make it clear that i didnt mean to refer to anybody directly or indirectly.

it was yet another day spent doing nothing much. xams r nearing and i am just psychologically preparing myself to study hard. God willing we all will do our xams well.

i just had a heavy dinner. mom came home late so the food was brought from a restaurant and it was tasty...(just thought of telling :D).

finally i replied to the letter my cousine had written to me. its really nice to hav ppl with us even wen they know that v r not right in wat v r doing. every person giving me courage and hope is precious to me and i pray to God that He blesses them with all happiness always.

take care !

Ah! Going good but should be much better ...

7th day after starting this blog i didn't update it. What a shame. I was tired actually but i know that is no reason for not writing.

Anyways yesterday was a day well spent. It was my friend's birhtday and we celebrated it having ice creams at Baskin-Robbnis (of course its ice creams what you find there). Then we four guys went to watch a movie. I came back home a bit late in the evening and slept early...at 12:30 am. Prety early, isn't it?

The movie was "The Angrez". I never wanted to see this movie as i already knew it's kind but thought of having sumthing different. It was a disgusting movie with such a vulgar language used. Thank God it was short one. But it's ok,...sumtimes!!!

Today I wrote a poem,...though actually i wanted to write sumthing for 'flowing emotions' - it was 'gridlocked'. The poem was a sort of recollection of my past experience...a lesson i have learnt. I dont know why i really wrote that but i think i feel better now after writing it. That is what 'gridlocked' is meant for - to help me relieve myself.

I was really feeling uncomfortable today, there is some kind of worry in my mind. I know its not studies but what i have been through. I also know it was just a small thing but still it is troubling. I can still have that feeling ther that i may end up hurting myself again. But in know if i am really determined then this shouldn't be a factor to hinder my peace of mind. I am not supposed to think negatively. So silly was i ... (Oh really?). Will think about this later.

I am NASCENT !

Thought of updating during the day time itself.

I was sleeping after 2 in the nights all these days but today i will sleep a bit early and hav a little extra sound sleep.I am thinking of updating 'flowing emotions' but i may just end up doing nothing...depends on how i feel till the end of the day.

my cousine read yesterday's update and asked me to edit the part i wrote abt my friend saying that she may feel more bad if she reads it. my answer was simple, "nobody will mind. its just wat i felt". i hope i am not wrong with this.

Ya the 'nascent' thing....it means i am just born !!! (means a lot more than wat actually it can mean)

Well ...

Had a gud time with friends today. it was supposed to b a day spent studying but never mind as always it is said therz always next time...next day here. hope tomm will b productive. i am just pacifying my frustration here...of course!

my attempt to forget a few things r going fine xcept that a face today was really a terrifying frame. i know this wont b easy going. it has started just now and i hav to go a long way. but as i hav already decided, i am standing for this decision i hav taken. tearing that paper with a chiche written red was uncomfortable. i still hav the paper bits with me...can anyone help me and tell me wat i can do with it?...it will b tough to trash it.

i was feeling writing sumthing for flowing emotions but didnt really get sumthing nice a reason and a topic to do so. mayb tomm i hope i can key in a little.

i really felt sory for my friend who was told in her lab xternal sumting crap and was terrible. i know it could hav been me too. God-willing everyhting should b fine.

ending on a positive note hoping for hardwork tomm.

This was nice ... !

I was just getting the feeling that i had wasted yet another day by studying nothing but sum pages of Fountainhead and newspaper, i found sumthing new i could play with. i had sum gr8 time chatting with 2 of my very gud friends using the status messages in the yahoo messenger. it was coool changing the mesages continously and discussing interesting things.

we had a talk on the concept of girfriend among others and i was of the opinion that it is a bad thing to hav gurlfriends. then ther were many comments exchanged - of course through status messages. i told that if i hav a friend whoz a girl and if i tell her 'i love u' and if she blushes, then shez my girlfriend. but i also understand that if i say the same thing to a gud friend whoz a grl in a much different way, then she wont b my girlfriend, as it is obvious that gud friends love and care for each other. one of my friends said that a girlfriend will show more care and effection toward him than just a girl who is his friend. i replied "if i had a very gud friend whoz a guy, and if i call him as my boyfriend, then i will find many raised eyebrows ". well, this was not all. i had a very nice time and the chat was a long one.

later i saw a blog written by my cousine who is 5 years younger to me (http://mythuts.blogspot.com). hez really an interesting person and i know he has a gr8 time ahead in his life. he will definitely go a long way. i am proud to b his cousine.

and yes, i made a decision today. i am going to forget sumthing tat has changed my life. i tried it b4 but this time i am determined and i will prove that i hav principles i stand for. hope my God helps me with this. i will move on and live a life of my own. though i will never forget wat all i hav learnt till now. of course therz lot more left to b understood yet.

i will now give more time and concern to my friends. they always mean a lot to me.

k then...c ya tomm.

hii..

the xam was good except for the viva. i wish i could hav done it well.

today i came to know a few more things on where i stand now. feels gud that i know it but i guess its too late now. i hope i will move on this time. this can b tough i understand but i will prove it to myself that THERE ARE principles i stand for. i will write more on this. currently there is nothing i understand things around me. i cant understand where i went wrong that i made sumone feel that i am worthless and i flirt around. the reason to b gud is dying now and i suppose this can really b interesting.

i wnated to b more frank in writing all this but i will hold on a few more things this time till i settle down and gather myself. mayb 'gridlocked' is waiting for me again !!!

u ppl b happy and leave waterev worries u can on me. i am here and i will take them on me .... iwsh i could do that.