Saturday, December 13, 2008

It Boils Down To Love

One day when Pooh was thinking, he thought he would go and see Eeyore, because he hadn't seen him since yesterday.
- Chapter Four, The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne, 1982
I wanted to talk to somebody to make myself feel better but it didn't sound appropriate that I call the friends I could think of now. So, I called up my father instead. It was short but it gave me what I needed - a voice filled with love. I spoke to my mother a few hours back but then I had called her to let her know of some financial matters here. I had told her about the fee I had paid at the university and the courses I registered for the Spring semester. Just before hanging up she told me something I didn't expect to hear when I called her and I kept thinking about it for a long time. Things seem to have changed.

Then for a long time I thought about the last time I hugged my parents. I thought about the faces and words I am never going to forget. I thought about many things that won't come again. There are no possible metrics to measure change. I thought writing a few lines on my blog could help. It has helped me many times. Tomorrow I will go to the university and study for Monday's test. I fear not getting a good grade in this course so I have to give in a lot. Today I even had to cut on my breakfast for I had no time for it when I woke up. One of my team mates had told me that the submission date for the final deliverable was 13th and today he woke me up telling it was over already. I had to rush to my laptop and do as much as I could. Alhamdulillah the professor didn't mind a submission that was four hours late. Had it been some other professor, I would have lost an A.

Too frequently I ask myself if I am missing something and it frustrates me. When an ant crawls up onto my hand I play with it. I let it pass through my fingers, make circles on my palm and work through the designs and curves of my hand. But the moment it moves up into my shirt's hand cuff I shrug it off. As long something stays in front of us, let it even be a problem, as long as we know what it is and know what it is capable of, we are alright with it. The moment it goes beyond our knowledge it becomes a bother. I am astonished at how little I can control, how humble we all have to be and how insignificant a wish could mean. So much depends on hope. So much depends on what we haven't seen but hope to see. So much depends on the dreams we see. It is Allah who decides.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

:)

Anonymous said...

U know what?
I'm in love with that line
"...he hadn't seen him since yesterday. "

xubayr said...

No, by definition, you are not an SE. But I am. :P

And that line... hmmm... what if I haven't seen so many people in months? :(

:P If I remember it correctly you have a blog too. Do you remember that?