Yesterday night I was too flimsy to write anything. I had been to the college in the morning just to find that we had only one class to attend. I was in the college till 1:35 pm and left for my grandparents' house and was there till 5:40 pm. Then I had my class at CL.
My classmates were playing cricket and they asked me if I would join them. I wanted to play but I knew that it would make me tired and I had a long day ahead to be out. If I had played, I would have to wait in the college till 6 pm which, I felt, was foolishness. So, I left the college.
At CL I had analytical reasoning class. It was perhaps the most difficult of all the classes I have attended till date. We did detailed analysis of 3 problems and we were taught how to create charts and tables out of the raw and incomplete data given for any particular abstract.
Today I had english usage class. We worked on vocabulary building and had to form sentences out of given words too. I do not know if I should mention this or not, but I felt a little kiddish when the instructor put a 'good' for the sentences I formed. We were given a list of 20 word pairs and the 2 words in each of these pairs looked similar but had different meanings - we had to form sentences using each of these pairs in a single sentence. The class was a bit lengthy.
After coming home I didn't do anything but eating and sleeping. In the evening my father asked me to come with him to buy the sheep for tomorrow's Ied-Uz-Zuha. I refused: I didn't feel like going out into that stinky and dirty atmosphere. I was forced even by my mother but I kept myself home. My mother and brother went with him.
They bought 2 sheep - one each for oneselves. A few days back my mother was telling that she would be sending of her sheep to some orphanage but she didn't. I didn't even know how many we were going to buy. I didn't ask my parents anything - even if we were going to have anything tomorrow. I know nothing of anything except that I have to perform the wajib prayers tomorrow morning. I don't wish to know anything much.
Since the time I remember, I have been going along with my father every year to buy sheep. This is for the first time that I didn't go. I even wanted to break it. I did. I didn't do anything staying home - just made a visit to the chemist near by; had to get my mother's monthly medicines.
I don't feel like meeting anybody. I know people will come to my house tomorrow. We will be going outside in the evening - all as a formality. It would be a tortuous. I will learn to sustain. But things are becoming better day by day.
If i consider the Islamic Hijri calender, exactly one year back, this day I did something I will carry for long. The night after that day was miserable - I had a chat with a friend and I cried. The next few days were terrible. I was expecting the worst thing of my life. But nothing happened. But I had wanted something t happen - for good or bad - but it could have ended a few things and could have made the coming days better in someway!!!
Everybody seems to enjoy this thing called as 'New Year'. I do not understand what makes them so excited about it. The calender for me, this english one, is nothing more than just and index or a reference kind of thing. I do not know who originated it and when. But when I say this, I understand that it's my birthday too that I celebrate taking this calender into consideration - I just need an excuse to celebrate. And I celebrated. It was my birthday - new year has nothing to do with me.
My father has been invited by his friend to a party and my father is going there. Even my father needs an excuse. I won't talk to him on this. I have my own beliefs and my own ideas. Everyone has his/her own. I neither respect this time nor do I quibble about it.
All these months I have been told a lot about having close friends and people with whom I can share things - mostly through comments on my blogs. I have been advised - I thank those people for everything. But I can't trust anybody to extent that I can share everything within me.
I can never have a person called as best friend. The reasons are simply - every person has his or her own life and every person moves on - nobody if going to stay for me. At sometime the person may even share my things with others - every person will have priorities and their own very important people who would be more important to them than me. Its perfectly normal this way and I accept it happily. Even I may be that way.
I have already trusted some people - some friends and cousins. I have told them a lot about me. I have shared with them what I felt like, and to the point I am comfortable with. I have a few people to whom I have told a few things I never ever imagined that I would put them into words.
Sometimes I have kept no difference between a probable person who could ever be the most important person to me and these people with whom I have confided in- for some instance of time. I am too happy with the way these people have treated me in return. I thank all of them. I hold different perceptions, ideas and emotions towards each of them. Should anybody need me, I will give my best to be there. InshAllah.
I feel inferior to some people. Basically because I feel that they are more intelligent than me and that I can trust them. I like taking advices from them - I easily digest any criticism they put on me.
I somehow feel that I am becoming a difficult person day by day. Perhaps I have become a little casual towards the way I am treating people. Perhaps now I even have people who would be hating me - I do not know. I may be wrong but it can always be the other way around.
I also feel that I was a bit rude in the last few days; I have spoken things without thinking anything - leave alone the possible results of my rudeness. I hope nothing has changed with that. I hope no person has changed his/her view toward me because of a different attitude I have shown. I intend to correct myself - only that I must realize things properly.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
Are we strangers?
It was a better day for me. Perhaps because I didn't spend much time at home. I had been out to buy some books in the evening with 2 of my friends and so, I reached home by 9:40 pm. I went to Koti to buy books for this semester. I even had a 'cutlet-ragda' at Gokul - I chose not to take curds with it.
After college hours in the afternoon I played cricket. I didn't get to bat neither did I bowl. I just did the fielding part of the game and I enjoyed. It was fine but I would have enjoyed having a bigger part in the match my team - the team I was a part of!
A few minutes back I ended up writing a small poem on the same topic I have written on yesterday.
Somehow I felt that things were a little better today - actually, a lot better. Alhamdulillah. And JazakAllah Khairan. "Positive" is always the idea. Humans need each other.
After college hours in the afternoon I played cricket. I didn't get to bat neither did I bowl. I just did the fielding part of the game and I enjoyed. It was fine but I would have enjoyed having a bigger part in the match my team - the team I was a part of!
A few minutes back I ended up writing a small poem on the same topic I have written on yesterday.
Strangers again...
My lips loose your name
You're no more in my eyes
For me it is of no surprise
You are a forgotten dream
Like a one I have never seen
The pain you caused to me
Whispers into me softly
A new day has now begun
And my world has again spun
I shall never again cry in pain
We are strangers now… once again…
Somehow I felt that things were a little better today - actually, a lot better. Alhamdulillah. And JazakAllah Khairan. "Positive" is always the idea. Humans need each other.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Tears don't cry
Three of my friends visited me at my house. I was just thinking today evening about the time that has passed since I had any friend visiting home. And they were here!
Today I thought of playing cricket after the college but didn't get the right thing - 2 of my confused me with what I should do. I think it was nice that I didn't play. I reached home at 4:35 pm and took some rest. To be precise - I didn't know what to do - I took things for granted and wasted a lot of time in the college. We were left 30 minutes early.
Celebrating Ied-uz- Zuha is a compulsion - the morning prayer is Wajib and the sacrificing of the sheep is Faraz. These 2 will be the only things I would be doing on Monday. I won't call it a celebration. Every person greeting me would give me pain - I know this is bad. I am tired of faking smiles.
I wrote a poem today and posted it on Gridlocked. My cousin wrote a post on our trip to Guntur and posted it on our family blog - http://timmapuris.blogspot.com . I read a few blogs today - the few I have been visiting lately without any knowledge of who is writing them. I even commented at a couple of places.
All I see at home is silence. I do not call it as peace. I hate whatever it is and I can't bear it for long. Allah is there. He knows everything better than anybody else. I wish I could just sit and talk to Him and hear from Him that everything would be fine someday and all this is just a nightmare.
2 decades, I suppose, are enough to teach people how to adjust, understand and forgive. If they fail, then more than themselves they would hurt others. And all these 'others' can do is wait, watch and cry. Allah will show the light - as always. "Positive" is the idea.
Today I thought of playing cricket after the college but didn't get the right thing - 2 of my confused me with what I should do. I think it was nice that I didn't play. I reached home at 4:35 pm and took some rest. To be precise - I didn't know what to do - I took things for granted and wasted a lot of time in the college. We were left 30 minutes early.
Celebrating Ied-uz- Zuha is a compulsion - the morning prayer is Wajib and the sacrificing of the sheep is Faraz. These 2 will be the only things I would be doing on Monday. I won't call it a celebration. Every person greeting me would give me pain - I know this is bad. I am tired of faking smiles.
I wrote a poem today and posted it on Gridlocked. My cousin wrote a post on our trip to Guntur and posted it on our family blog - http://timmapuris.blogspot.com . I read a few blogs today - the few I have been visiting lately without any knowledge of who is writing them. I even commented at a couple of places.
All I see at home is silence. I do not call it as peace. I hate whatever it is and I can't bear it for long. Allah is there. He knows everything better than anybody else. I wish I could just sit and talk to Him and hear from Him that everything would be fine someday and all this is just a nightmare.
2 decades, I suppose, are enough to teach people how to adjust, understand and forgive. If they fail, then more than themselves they would hurt others. And all these 'others' can do is wait, watch and cry. Allah will show the light - as always. "Positive" is the idea.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I am not able to see the road ahead ... but I am walking
On one of my previous posts somebody left a detailed explanation of the MIM party of Hyderabad. I didn't read it fully, I didn't accept it, I didn't reject it, I do not know what to do with it. I have no problem with that thing as a comment on my blog, but I do not support that party as such. I have no much idea of the truth. So, it will remain as an unmoderated comment with the blog unless I come to know who posted it. I would appreciate to have the knowledge of that person basically because the comment has nothing to do with me or my blog. It is wide off the beam.
I was late by a few minutes to the college but the lecturer let me in without asking anything. She was asking questions to each of the students and I felt embarrassed telling her that it was the first of her class that I was attending and I can't answer anything now. She didn't ask or tell anything but I could hear some laughs in the class. Interesting. But nice to know I can make people laugh even with something serious.
I had planned of buying some books today taking a friend along with me but it didn't happen. I didn't feel like going and the reason I gave him was that it was getting late in the evening. On my way back home I had another friend with me. He was talking and I was listening with some comments in between from my side. Thanx to him for keeping the conversation alive even when I was a little cold and not responding.
I finally read the blog posting of 2 of my friends. I wasn't getting the right time and mood to read anything - I got it today!
Today a friend asked me to upload the pics taken when I went to Guntur. I will do it whenever I feel like. My cousin has already put up a few, from the ones he has taken with his camera, on our family blog. I will do it later - maybe in a day or two.
I was late by a few minutes to the college but the lecturer let me in without asking anything. She was asking questions to each of the students and I felt embarrassed telling her that it was the first of her class that I was attending and I can't answer anything now. She didn't ask or tell anything but I could hear some laughs in the class. Interesting. But nice to know I can make people laugh even with something serious.
I had planned of buying some books today taking a friend along with me but it didn't happen. I didn't feel like going and the reason I gave him was that it was getting late in the evening. On my way back home I had another friend with me. He was talking and I was listening with some comments in between from my side. Thanx to him for keeping the conversation alive even when I was a little cold and not responding.
I finally read the blog posting of 2 of my friends. I wasn't getting the right time and mood to read anything - I got it today!
Today a friend asked me to upload the pics taken when I went to Guntur. I will do it whenever I feel like. My cousin has already put up a few, from the ones he has taken with his camera, on our family blog. I will do it later - maybe in a day or two.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
A Bookmark On My Life
Yesterday night my mother did something and I told her that there is nothing she can do more than that. I was about to leave when my father put his arms around me and consoled me. I was crying. There were no thoughts of any past and of any future. It was then, and it was making all the difference. I was shouting at the pitch of my voice - I didn't care who else other than my parents and my brother was listening. They meant nothing to me because those who meant everything were in front of me. Apart from these 3 people, I was thinking of 2 more and was in tears. Friends, relatives, acquaintances ... nothing seemed relevant or important.
A few hours before that when we were leaving my aunt's house after having dinner, my eldest cousin sister asked me to take care of my mother. I said 'yes' even though it seemed a little strange to me that she had to ask me for that. Later I understood that she already knew several things. Out of all my cousins from my father's side she is the closest to my mother.
I know these words are making no sense to anybody. How much I wish I had some person - a friend - with whom I could share everything and relieve myself of the pain I have inside me. I felt lonely yesterday; I feel the same way now. I have nobody I can sit and talk to about this. I can't share it with anybody. I know it's only my sister who got married a few days back with whom I can talk on this and she will come online only after 11th of January; but I wouldn't want to trouble her with all this. She will be there in US with her husband.
I write all this with only one reason - some years later when I read my old blogs, I will know that I was in this state on this particular day. Not that I will forget what happened yesterday - I can forget myself but not that. I write this just to put a bookmark on my life. I may see worse moments in the days to come. I pray to Allah that everything becomes fine and I am happy. It has nothing to do with my friends or anybody outside home.
Last Sunday I had a term assessment test at Career Launcher. I didn't prepare anything for it but still attempted it. It was a 2 and a half hour test but I did what I wanted to in just 2 hours and left. My friend did the same thing too. I was satisfied with the way I attempted the questions in considerations to what all I had studied till now. I didn't attend the analysis class after that. Not even the Sunday's class. I was on my way to Guntur.
Sunday morning I woke up at 6:30 am and started the preparations. By the time everything was ready it was 8:30 am and we were at my uncle's house at Surya Nagar at 8:45 am. They were waiting for us and we were already late. We started of immediately. My uncle had hired an air conditioned bus with 2 televisions in it. It was a Volvo ... very very comfortable and completely sealed with glass.
We took the ring road and took the exit from Hyderabad via Rejendranagar. A few kilometers from Ramoji Film city we took a stop for snacks (break fast) at a restaurant. I don't know if restaurant is the exact word but its close to what that place actually was!
It was connected to a Reliance petrol station and it was a wonderful place with a beautiful scenic location and well built structure. We had some south Indian food there and took some photographs. All through the journey and even in Guntur I didn't miss any opportunity of taking nay pics except once - on our return journey we took a stop for lunch at some village where we had meals on 'pathrolis'. There were several curries including 'saambar' and also a bowl of curds which I didn't even prefer to look at. When we stopped at that place, I asked my father if there could be some alternative to that food - he asked me to search for McDonalds. I tried looking around for some bakery but with no success. The hotel smelled of all milk and curds and I did not want to sit there. I was hungry and had to eat something.
While we were in the Volvo bus we saw a telugu movie - 'Athadu'. We coudln't watch the last part as the CD wasn't available. This telugu movie's CD was all that was avalable in the bus. There was no other option. At the Reliance station we bought some CDs of video songs but didn't watch them completely - we were busy enjoying in the back seats of the bus. There were 3 - 4 cell phones, an i - pod and lost of music. My niece and nephew were entertaining us with their dances and we were enjoying bugging them.
I sat most of the time with my cousin who is from Deccan college and rest of the time with 2 others one of whom looks similar to 'Athadu' - Mahesh Baabu in that movie! We have been using that name for him since then.
Several times I tried to sleep but couldn't. I thought about many things and tried to think all those things in many ways. I was watching at the fields we were driving past. They were so well organized into parts - squares, rectangles and other designs, with plants and saplings planted in perfect rows and columns that appeared to be flowing against as we were moving past them.
The plants close to the road seemed to flow very fast. The ones a little away seemed to be a little lazy. Those far appeared to be crawling away from us. The ones very far seemed to be stationery for a lot time before we had to get away from them ourselves. I compared this to different people in our life - some that stay for long and some that move away quickly. Someday everybody leaves and all that matters is we, ourselves and nobody else.
We reached Guntur around 5 pm. My cousin's husband was there to receive us at the hotel - Hotel Annapurna, near the bus stand. It was very close to their house in Guntur and also to the function hall where we had the reception.
My cousin's husband is one of the sweetest and the most shy people I have ever met. He received us at the hotel, then took us to the function hall for our lunch - was there to look after us, even while the reception was on he was there to take care of the serving of food while we were eating - all this in his own reception! The next day too he was with us till we left the town.
Almost everyone of us took our suits and jackets for the function along with us in the bus. There, at the reception, along with the host, we were the only people wearing such clothes. It looked odd to me with so many people staring at me - as if I am an alien or some different human being. But I liked it - I was being looked at.
The style in which the food was served was a bit different - not like the kind of tables in chairs we have in Hyderabad. There were several tables arranged in a line with chairs on only one side. The food was served from the other side by waiters who were carrying large containers with them. There were continuously moving around asking us if we want that particular dish they were serving. It was different, but it was good.
After the dinner I had detailed discussion on this with a cousin and an uncle. Before having this talk I wasn't happy with this style. But my uncle said wonderful things to me. The most important thing was that by opting for this way wastage of food can be reduced almost to null. Also that people will have in their plates only what they need in the quantity they need. There was a lot spoken of on this and I was satisfied.
I learnt a lot form this. I learnt how simple people live in small towns and villages but still they are so good and beautiful with their heart. We living in cities waste so much and yet aren't contended with even the best we get. Those people give us so much respect and concern when we visit their place and we are exactly opposite of that. But I fond many things very confusing.
When my cousin's husband was looking after the serving of the food, the waiter put 3 pieces of chicken on my uncle's plate. My uncle said that he wanted only 2 and one would be wasted. My cousin's husband was there and he simply took one of the pieces and he ate himself. I wasn't there to see that but when my uncle told me about this, I realized that my sister couldn't have had a better person than him as her husband. My uncle said he was highly impressed of this.
This may seem a little weired that he takes the piece and eats it but that is what goodness is all about. He didn't want anything to be wasted and he respected my uncle. He knew my uncle didn't want to eat it. he knew it wouldn't be nice to force anybody to eat. I don't know how to frame what exactly I feel on this but I am very happy.
After that we had the photo session when I finally got to meet my sister. I couldn't meet her on the wedding day. I couldn't even wish her and congratulate her that day. Sunday, I did. She came to meet all the elders and after that she stood for a while with my and my cousin. We asked her a few things, she told a few things, we teased her and she also told us that everybody other than people at home talk in telugu and she is finding it real hard to understand a thing. I asked her to com online as soon as possible so that I can teach her a little telugu!
I was glad that she came to talk to us. It was not at all a formality. There were many people around and she could have sat at one place with her head down. I wanted to talk to her badly - just to feel that she is there and she was there! I had even prayed that I get to talk to her personally before she leaves for US. I even had a good talk to her husband - he is wonderful.
After all that few of us - including me and my father - started for the hotel on foot. We waled through the empty road. My father wanted to have tea and it was 1 am. We were searching for some hotel when somebody told us to go inside the bus-stand. It was a big place. The entrance looked somewhat like an entrance to a subway. The tea we had was far better than what we were being served at the hotel we were staying.
We returned back and by the time I slept, I am sure, it was 2:15 am. In the morning we had planned to visit my cousin's house once before leaving for Hyderabad. We had our breakfast at the hotel and reached her house. Now we had another bus - it was air conditioned but not a Volvo. But it was good enough except that we were falling short of 2 seats. We adjusted somehow.
The bus didn't take us to the house. We had to walk almost a kilometer through a narrow street that took us to a bigger place - that was probably a vegetable market. We crossed that place to reach her house. I was glad to meet her again. This time it hardly seemed that she had been married just a few days back. There were some cool drinks bottles and I casually told her that she should serve us as we are visitors to her house. few minutes later I saw her serving sweet to everybody! She was surely at home.
I even told her about the pain I am having on the right side of my upper jaw. She asked me to go to a dentist for a check up if the pain continues for some more time. It was nice being there - it was worth that walk. It was rightly termed by one of my cousins - "jihad to meet your sister"!
We started from Guntur at 1 pm. We stopped at that hotel to have food on the leaf-plates. The journey was very slow and we couldn't enjoy the way we did while going. We listened to some music and tried to sleep. I couldn't. I had several things in my mind - even tears.
I can never forget the tears I saw in my sister's eyes. She and her husband came to see us off and she was standing outside the bus. Tis particular bas had small narrow windows and I spoke to her a little from there. My other cousins were all resting on me to talk to her from that window. She had tears - she had just met her parents. I asked her "you are crying". She said "keep quiet, don't tell". Later I realized I should have called he husband who was standing near by - but may be I think I did good by not calling him; she asked me to stay quiet. She told my other cousin that she was crying because we were leaving. I can never forget those tears.
It was a good trip. I got things to learn, I got time to spend with everybody and most importantly - I met her. I am happy for everything. Everything up to what happened before I reached home yesterday night. I can't talk on that with anybody and it hurts me a lot.
Today my mother told me that she lives for me me and my brother and we all should be happy. I am happy. Fine. But everything is incomplete and things are to be set right. My parents are happy with me - they said they love me and they need me. I need them too - even my brother. Things look foggy now - I do not know whats happening. Allah knows everything and I should accept everything he gives and takes away. He is my creator and we are all His slaves.
Today I went to the college but missed the first class. I finished my sleep then left home. It was simple day - I smiled, laughed, went to have a burger in the afternoon - calm, but had everything in my mind. I took a nap after coming home but didn't go to the gym. I need to manage time, need to cut on computer usage. I even wrote an article for MJ Communique.
A few hours before that when we were leaving my aunt's house after having dinner, my eldest cousin sister asked me to take care of my mother. I said 'yes' even though it seemed a little strange to me that she had to ask me for that. Later I understood that she already knew several things. Out of all my cousins from my father's side she is the closest to my mother.
I know these words are making no sense to anybody. How much I wish I had some person - a friend - with whom I could share everything and relieve myself of the pain I have inside me. I felt lonely yesterday; I feel the same way now. I have nobody I can sit and talk to about this. I can't share it with anybody. I know it's only my sister who got married a few days back with whom I can talk on this and she will come online only after 11th of January; but I wouldn't want to trouble her with all this. She will be there in US with her husband.
I write all this with only one reason - some years later when I read my old blogs, I will know that I was in this state on this particular day. Not that I will forget what happened yesterday - I can forget myself but not that. I write this just to put a bookmark on my life. I may see worse moments in the days to come. I pray to Allah that everything becomes fine and I am happy. It has nothing to do with my friends or anybody outside home.
Last Sunday I had a term assessment test at Career Launcher. I didn't prepare anything for it but still attempted it. It was a 2 and a half hour test but I did what I wanted to in just 2 hours and left. My friend did the same thing too. I was satisfied with the way I attempted the questions in considerations to what all I had studied till now. I didn't attend the analysis class after that. Not even the Sunday's class. I was on my way to Guntur.
Sunday morning I woke up at 6:30 am and started the preparations. By the time everything was ready it was 8:30 am and we were at my uncle's house at Surya Nagar at 8:45 am. They were waiting for us and we were already late. We started of immediately. My uncle had hired an air conditioned bus with 2 televisions in it. It was a Volvo ... very very comfortable and completely sealed with glass.
We took the ring road and took the exit from Hyderabad via Rejendranagar. A few kilometers from Ramoji Film city we took a stop for snacks (break fast) at a restaurant. I don't know if restaurant is the exact word but its close to what that place actually was!
It was connected to a Reliance petrol station and it was a wonderful place with a beautiful scenic location and well built structure. We had some south Indian food there and took some photographs. All through the journey and even in Guntur I didn't miss any opportunity of taking nay pics except once - on our return journey we took a stop for lunch at some village where we had meals on 'pathrolis'. There were several curries including 'saambar' and also a bowl of curds which I didn't even prefer to look at. When we stopped at that place, I asked my father if there could be some alternative to that food - he asked me to search for McDonalds. I tried looking around for some bakery but with no success. The hotel smelled of all milk and curds and I did not want to sit there. I was hungry and had to eat something.
While we were in the Volvo bus we saw a telugu movie - 'Athadu'. We coudln't watch the last part as the CD wasn't available. This telugu movie's CD was all that was avalable in the bus. There was no other option. At the Reliance station we bought some CDs of video songs but didn't watch them completely - we were busy enjoying in the back seats of the bus. There were 3 - 4 cell phones, an i - pod and lost of music. My niece and nephew were entertaining us with their dances and we were enjoying bugging them.
I sat most of the time with my cousin who is from Deccan college and rest of the time with 2 others one of whom looks similar to 'Athadu' - Mahesh Baabu in that movie! We have been using that name for him since then.
Several times I tried to sleep but couldn't. I thought about many things and tried to think all those things in many ways. I was watching at the fields we were driving past. They were so well organized into parts - squares, rectangles and other designs, with plants and saplings planted in perfect rows and columns that appeared to be flowing against as we were moving past them.
The plants close to the road seemed to flow very fast. The ones a little away seemed to be a little lazy. Those far appeared to be crawling away from us. The ones very far seemed to be stationery for a lot time before we had to get away from them ourselves. I compared this to different people in our life - some that stay for long and some that move away quickly. Someday everybody leaves and all that matters is we, ourselves and nobody else.
We reached Guntur around 5 pm. My cousin's husband was there to receive us at the hotel - Hotel Annapurna, near the bus stand. It was very close to their house in Guntur and also to the function hall where we had the reception.
My cousin's husband is one of the sweetest and the most shy people I have ever met. He received us at the hotel, then took us to the function hall for our lunch - was there to look after us, even while the reception was on he was there to take care of the serving of food while we were eating - all this in his own reception! The next day too he was with us till we left the town.
Almost everyone of us took our suits and jackets for the function along with us in the bus. There, at the reception, along with the host, we were the only people wearing such clothes. It looked odd to me with so many people staring at me - as if I am an alien or some different human being. But I liked it - I was being looked at.
The style in which the food was served was a bit different - not like the kind of tables in chairs we have in Hyderabad. There were several tables arranged in a line with chairs on only one side. The food was served from the other side by waiters who were carrying large containers with them. There were continuously moving around asking us if we want that particular dish they were serving. It was different, but it was good.
After the dinner I had detailed discussion on this with a cousin and an uncle. Before having this talk I wasn't happy with this style. But my uncle said wonderful things to me. The most important thing was that by opting for this way wastage of food can be reduced almost to null. Also that people will have in their plates only what they need in the quantity they need. There was a lot spoken of on this and I was satisfied.
I learnt a lot form this. I learnt how simple people live in small towns and villages but still they are so good and beautiful with their heart. We living in cities waste so much and yet aren't contended with even the best we get. Those people give us so much respect and concern when we visit their place and we are exactly opposite of that. But I fond many things very confusing.
When my cousin's husband was looking after the serving of the food, the waiter put 3 pieces of chicken on my uncle's plate. My uncle said that he wanted only 2 and one would be wasted. My cousin's husband was there and he simply took one of the pieces and he ate himself. I wasn't there to see that but when my uncle told me about this, I realized that my sister couldn't have had a better person than him as her husband. My uncle said he was highly impressed of this.
This may seem a little weired that he takes the piece and eats it but that is what goodness is all about. He didn't want anything to be wasted and he respected my uncle. He knew my uncle didn't want to eat it. he knew it wouldn't be nice to force anybody to eat. I don't know how to frame what exactly I feel on this but I am very happy.
After that we had the photo session when I finally got to meet my sister. I couldn't meet her on the wedding day. I couldn't even wish her and congratulate her that day. Sunday, I did. She came to meet all the elders and after that she stood for a while with my and my cousin. We asked her a few things, she told a few things, we teased her and she also told us that everybody other than people at home talk in telugu and she is finding it real hard to understand a thing. I asked her to com online as soon as possible so that I can teach her a little telugu!
I was glad that she came to talk to us. It was not at all a formality. There were many people around and she could have sat at one place with her head down. I wanted to talk to her badly - just to feel that she is there and she was there! I had even prayed that I get to talk to her personally before she leaves for US. I even had a good talk to her husband - he is wonderful.
After all that few of us - including me and my father - started for the hotel on foot. We waled through the empty road. My father wanted to have tea and it was 1 am. We were searching for some hotel when somebody told us to go inside the bus-stand. It was a big place. The entrance looked somewhat like an entrance to a subway. The tea we had was far better than what we were being served at the hotel we were staying.
We returned back and by the time I slept, I am sure, it was 2:15 am. In the morning we had planned to visit my cousin's house once before leaving for Hyderabad. We had our breakfast at the hotel and reached her house. Now we had another bus - it was air conditioned but not a Volvo. But it was good enough except that we were falling short of 2 seats. We adjusted somehow.
The bus didn't take us to the house. We had to walk almost a kilometer through a narrow street that took us to a bigger place - that was probably a vegetable market. We crossed that place to reach her house. I was glad to meet her again. This time it hardly seemed that she had been married just a few days back. There were some cool drinks bottles and I casually told her that she should serve us as we are visitors to her house. few minutes later I saw her serving sweet to everybody! She was surely at home.
I even told her about the pain I am having on the right side of my upper jaw. She asked me to go to a dentist for a check up if the pain continues for some more time. It was nice being there - it was worth that walk. It was rightly termed by one of my cousins - "jihad to meet your sister"!
We started from Guntur at 1 pm. We stopped at that hotel to have food on the leaf-plates. The journey was very slow and we couldn't enjoy the way we did while going. We listened to some music and tried to sleep. I couldn't. I had several things in my mind - even tears.
I can never forget the tears I saw in my sister's eyes. She and her husband came to see us off and she was standing outside the bus. Tis particular bas had small narrow windows and I spoke to her a little from there. My other cousins were all resting on me to talk to her from that window. She had tears - she had just met her parents. I asked her "you are crying". She said "keep quiet, don't tell". Later I realized I should have called he husband who was standing near by - but may be I think I did good by not calling him; she asked me to stay quiet. She told my other cousin that she was crying because we were leaving. I can never forget those tears.
It was a good trip. I got things to learn, I got time to spend with everybody and most importantly - I met her. I am happy for everything. Everything up to what happened before I reached home yesterday night. I can't talk on that with anybody and it hurts me a lot.
Today my mother told me that she lives for me me and my brother and we all should be happy. I am happy. Fine. But everything is incomplete and things are to be set right. My parents are happy with me - they said they love me and they need me. I need them too - even my brother. Things look foggy now - I do not know whats happening. Allah knows everything and I should accept everything he gives and takes away. He is my creator and we are all His slaves.
Today I went to the college but missed the first class. I finished my sleep then left home. It was simple day - I smiled, laughed, went to have a burger in the afternoon - calm, but had everything in my mind. I took a nap after coming home but didn't go to the gym. I need to manage time, need to cut on computer usage. I even wrote an article for MJ Communique.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Friday
Though I was online for quiet sometime today, I didn't feel like writing anything. I went to the college for no special reason and ended up watching a movies after the Friday prayer - "Bhagam Bhaag". I didn't like the movie. Even my friends didn't.
Yesterday night, the marriage function was all over by 12:30 am. I was on bed at 1 am but still continued with my sleep in the morning till 10:30 am. I could have come to the college to attend the classes. I do not know what kept me home! I felt bad for missing the class.
Yesterday almost all day I was at the function hall with my cousins. It was a tiring day but well spent. There is a lot I have to write on all this. Even about the test I had at CL last Sunday. I will be missing classes this weekend.
Yesterday night, the marriage function was all over by 12:30 am. I was on bed at 1 am but still continued with my sleep in the morning till 10:30 am. I could have come to the college to attend the classes. I do not know what kept me home! I felt bad for missing the class.
Yesterday almost all day I was at the function hall with my cousins. It was a tiring day but well spent. There is a lot I have to write on all this. Even about the test I had at CL last Sunday. I will be missing classes this weekend.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
A trip to the Police Station
We were at McDonald's today afternoon to celebrate a friend's birthday. We had a good time there. Some shopping too was included. I will write on this tomorrow. Something bad happened after that - my friend's bike was toed away by the traffic police to Panjagutta Police Station. We had to pay 200 bucks and take it bad. It was surely a bitter experience for him. I waited outside the police station. I left for the gym the moment I came home at 6:45 pm. In a few minutes I will be leaving for a valima function.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Monday Morning!
I was awake from 6 am in the morning just trying to take a nap but in vain. I couldn't wake up for fajar even though I was on bed around 1 am. I reached college at 9:15 am hurrying from home starting at 8:25 am.
Yesterday afternoon when I reached home at 1 pm I didn't know that my parents were planning to go out for some card distribution. I asked my father if I could join them. He didn't agree at first but I told him that he should take me to meet all these people because even though they are relatives close enough, we hardly meet them. He agreed. He not only agreed to take me but also asked my brother to come with us. He didn't come as he had a test today.
We first went to my father's ancestral house at Aga Pura. We met 3 of his uncles - my grandfather's younger brothers. I was quiet all the time while my parents and the hosts were recollecting old days and old people - lost, forgotten, remembered and loved. It was like a reunion.
My father's grandfather had 3 wives and my grandfather was the eldest of all the children. When my father was a child he used to live at Shaanti Nagar. After each of my father's brothers started leaving India, they shifted to Salarjung Colony. Many people took their own ways and some people left us forever. People who used to live together met only in years - now a days we were meeting a little regularly - at some marriages of my distant cousins about whom I hardly know. Even when they are spoken of, none of them are referred with their names - it is just said that so and so person is so and so person's son or daughter.
The same thing happened yesterday. When my parents were asking everybody personally to come to my cousin's marriage, never was my sister's name used. My aunt's name was the only name referred. They won't be coming to attend my sister's marriage. They will be attending the marriage of my aunt's eldest daughter who is some unknown girl for all of them.
Even I was the same kind of person there. I was just referred as the son of my father. Never was my name asked - just about what I was doing/ studying. It was unbelieving to know that all these people knew my father and also that my father knew so many people. My father remembered the old neighbors living at Aga Pura.
From there we went to King Koti to meet my father's uncle who is a pretty famous Gastroenterologist. He is the HOD of some department in Osmania College and has also published several research papers. According to what we knew, he was supposed to be available at his house only on Sundays. He wasn't there. My father's aunt received us. It was again a recollection of old things with my father asking about some old people and she telling us about some old people. I recognized nobody and also didn't stress much on anything.
From there we came back to Mehdipatnam to meet an aunt of my father. She happens to be related to us through 2 relations - both of them far enough to be invited for the wedding, but we meet so frequently at functions outside home that they are closer to us than many other people. But we rarely meet at any of our houses.
She is probably the most jovial person I know in my family and elsewhere. She talks till other drop and she says everything, everything frankly. Even she told us about some (some I know and many I do not know) people who too she said should be invited. My father said he will get to them at the earliest. She knows me - from my face, though not b my name. Her sons (my father's cousins) know me well. One of them is a doctor and we meet too frequently - never at home.
We gave a few more cards and reached home at 5 pm. Then we had the marriage function to attend. I slept at 1 am.
Today my parents went to Noor Khan Bazaar to distribute a few more cards. I wanted to go with them but they already left before I reached home from college. It was my first day at the college this semester.
I was a bit relieved to know that our HOD wont be teaching us any subject. It was also a nice sight at the time-table with nothing on Fridays after 12:30 pm. I was tired by the time I reached home and took a nap. Then my father was searching his old-coin collection. I know we have kept it somewhere very safely and just forgotten about it. I will find it out in a day or to. I am sure the collection is safe.
I have done a similar thing with few more things that were supposed to be kept safe. One such thing was a small paper on which a friend of mine had signed and given it to me. Similar papers were given to other friends too and I do not know if they still have it. I remember keeping it somewhere very safe at my house itself - I have forgotten where. I guess now I can recollect several stashed things, a big list ... pity me for this week memory. Though some things may be not-so-important, but they are supposed to be preserved.
Tomorrow there is a reception to be attended. Then its the pre-marriage ceremonies on Wednesday. I plan to have a ball with my cousins. But all this will give me a guilt for I will be missing classes at the college.
Yesterday afternoon when I reached home at 1 pm I didn't know that my parents were planning to go out for some card distribution. I asked my father if I could join them. He didn't agree at first but I told him that he should take me to meet all these people because even though they are relatives close enough, we hardly meet them. He agreed. He not only agreed to take me but also asked my brother to come with us. He didn't come as he had a test today.
We first went to my father's ancestral house at Aga Pura. We met 3 of his uncles - my grandfather's younger brothers. I was quiet all the time while my parents and the hosts were recollecting old days and old people - lost, forgotten, remembered and loved. It was like a reunion.
My father's grandfather had 3 wives and my grandfather was the eldest of all the children. When my father was a child he used to live at Shaanti Nagar. After each of my father's brothers started leaving India, they shifted to Salarjung Colony. Many people took their own ways and some people left us forever. People who used to live together met only in years - now a days we were meeting a little regularly - at some marriages of my distant cousins about whom I hardly know. Even when they are spoken of, none of them are referred with their names - it is just said that so and so person is so and so person's son or daughter.
The same thing happened yesterday. When my parents were asking everybody personally to come to my cousin's marriage, never was my sister's name used. My aunt's name was the only name referred. They won't be coming to attend my sister's marriage. They will be attending the marriage of my aunt's eldest daughter who is some unknown girl for all of them.
Even I was the same kind of person there. I was just referred as the son of my father. Never was my name asked - just about what I was doing/ studying. It was unbelieving to know that all these people knew my father and also that my father knew so many people. My father remembered the old neighbors living at Aga Pura.
From there we went to King Koti to meet my father's uncle who is a pretty famous Gastroenterologist. He is the HOD of some department in Osmania College and has also published several research papers. According to what we knew, he was supposed to be available at his house only on Sundays. He wasn't there. My father's aunt received us. It was again a recollection of old things with my father asking about some old people and she telling us about some old people. I recognized nobody and also didn't stress much on anything.
From there we came back to Mehdipatnam to meet an aunt of my father. She happens to be related to us through 2 relations - both of them far enough to be invited for the wedding, but we meet so frequently at functions outside home that they are closer to us than many other people. But we rarely meet at any of our houses.
She is probably the most jovial person I know in my family and elsewhere. She talks till other drop and she says everything, everything frankly. Even she told us about some (some I know and many I do not know) people who too she said should be invited. My father said he will get to them at the earliest. She knows me - from my face, though not b my name. Her sons (my father's cousins) know me well. One of them is a doctor and we meet too frequently - never at home.
We gave a few more cards and reached home at 5 pm. Then we had the marriage function to attend. I slept at 1 am.
Today my parents went to Noor Khan Bazaar to distribute a few more cards. I wanted to go with them but they already left before I reached home from college. It was my first day at the college this semester.
I was a bit relieved to know that our HOD wont be teaching us any subject. It was also a nice sight at the time-table with nothing on Fridays after 12:30 pm. I was tired by the time I reached home and took a nap. Then my father was searching his old-coin collection. I know we have kept it somewhere very safely and just forgotten about it. I will find it out in a day or to. I am sure the collection is safe.
I have done a similar thing with few more things that were supposed to be kept safe. One such thing was a small paper on which a friend of mine had signed and given it to me. Similar papers were given to other friends too and I do not know if they still have it. I remember keeping it somewhere very safe at my house itself - I have forgotten where. I guess now I can recollect several stashed things, a big list ... pity me for this week memory. Though some things may be not-so-important, but they are supposed to be preserved.
Tomorrow there is a reception to be attended. Then its the pre-marriage ceremonies on Wednesday. I plan to have a ball with my cousins. But all this will give me a guilt for I will be missing classes at the college.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Not getting time ... :D
Yesterday I was out all day with friends till 6:10 pm and then had the class at Career Launcher. After that I was at my aunt's house to join the discussion: how to go about with my cousin sister's marriage? It was something like distribution of responsibilities among ourselves. It was nice being there. I came home at 11:10 pm and slept at 2:15 am. I woke up at 8 in the morning and left for the class at CL. I had a test there and it was interesting! That's all about the till till now. I will write on that later :D ... I returned home around 1 pm and left with my parents for some work at 2:30 pm.
The work: I went out with my parents to distribute the invitation cards of my sister's wedding to some people we don't meet often. It was a nice experience with my parents inviting everybody personally. These people are usually the one whom we get to met once in a blue moon - at some weddings of distant relatives. I will write more on this. It was just my parents and me going around; my brother was at home studying.
I have my classes from tomorrow. I have a wedding party to attend today. And the reception is on Tuesday. It's the wedding of father's cousin's daughter. I am busy the whole week after that.
The work: I went out with my parents to distribute the invitation cards of my sister's wedding to some people we don't meet often. It was a nice experience with my parents inviting everybody personally. These people are usually the one whom we get to met once in a blue moon - at some weddings of distant relatives. I will write more on this. It was just my parents and me going around; my brother was at home studying.
I have my classes from tomorrow. I have a wedding party to attend today. And the reception is on Tuesday. It's the wedding of father's cousin's daughter. I am busy the whole week after that.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Allergy puts me on a hospital bed
I still have some swelling on the top of my left hand which was caused due to inserting the intravenous needle to inject glucose into me. Along with that I was given 3 injections just in the gap of very few seconds. Presently I am on medication to cure me of the allergy I had today morning.
Yesterday night I slept around 2:30 am. After fajar I had a few biscuits and peanuts as there was no bread at home. I slept after that but was awaken by some cough around 7 am. It was painful. I felt as if something, probably mucous, had filled my lungs and whenever I coughed, it gave me severe pain in the chest. I simply couldn't endure it though I lay on the bed for sometime. Then I had to slip out of the bed and have some cough syrup. This was the first time I had such cough and I am never going to forget it.
But this was not enough. In a few minutes I began seeing some rashes on my left arm. They were something like boils and were itching. It began with my left hand and spread all over my body. I felt like crying. I couldn't stop myself from scratching myself. My skin everywhere was red and had hardened due to the rashes. It was burning everywhere. I had to scratch even my hair and palms and there was no respite for more than 30 minutes. I am not exaggerating it.
I found it disgusting to be that way. I hated my skin for what it had turned into. I wasn't feeling like touching my own body but I had to - to scratch. Even when now I recall how I was feeling then, I have creeps all over my body and my hair straightens up. While scratching my right arm, I suddenly found some blood coming out of the skin. I somehow had to stop scratching. This was even more painful and all I could do was think of crying.
When I was in my 9th standard I once suffered from measles and it had fever going beyond 104 F. It was very bad and it had made me very week. Today it was worse. Along with the itching, I had some uncomfortable feeling in the stomach, pain in the chest, giddiness and breathlessnesses. I was feeling myself week too.
I asked my brother to get me avil tablets and a bottle of benardyl. He made 2 round and found no medical shop opened. My mother was initially a little busy with preparing lunch for my father. Then my father left asking me to take care of myself. I felt bad that he left. But he was getting late. My brother helped me a lot. At 9 am my mother got ready and he got an auto-rickshaw to house. Along with my mother I went to my father's aunt who is a doctor. She own a hospital at Nanal Nagar. After seeing me she immidiately asked the sister to give me those injections and put me on drip.
I remember, when I was in 7th standard I had pains in my shoulders. They were enough to keep me on bed for 2 full days. It was then that I had taken injection before today. Going back to that day, I can clearly recollect the way I was refusing to take any injection and was rolling on the floor crying. All this at my grandmother's (father's aunt) clinic. I feel embarrassed whenever I think of this or when my parents narrate this to anybody.
But today I was fine. It was painful only for a fraction of second and there was nothing after that. The IV needle was a bit uncomfortable. It didn't ache much; just that while inserting it into my skin I was like "sssss"! I felt some discomfort thinking about that more-than-half-inch thing into my skin!
For the first time n my live my blood pressure was checked. It was below normal and for that reason I had to be put on drip. It was 100 x 70. After the complete bottle was injected into me, it was 110/70 and this according to my grandmother is normal for me at that moment of time.
My eyes were swollen. My face had become heavier and I was not able to see things properly. My face looked like what Wills Smith looked in the movie 'Hitch' when he gets allergic to some food he has. Hehe ... but I am not kidding. I wish I could take a few pics of mine but I was busy with scratching. I once thought that I would be scratching myself to death - this reminded me of the movie 'Saw' ... kidding this time!
This was the worst ever thing I had ever felt physically. But alhamdulillah it was for a very short time. I was perfectly file while leaving the hospital at 11:20 am. I have been asked to restrain myself from having chicken, potatoes, brinjal, fish and eggs for 8 days. This is going to hit me hard - I eat 2 eggs almost daily, I eat chicken from outside frequently and with my cousin's wedding around here, I am going to miss everything. Just eating mutton is hopeless. I have to keep away from bananas too - I usually eat 2 to 3 a day!
My grandmother's hospital's name is National Hospital and Diagnostic Center. It was started by my grandfather. He expired 10 years back. Now, she and my father's cousin manage it. Most of us call her 'sweet aunty'. This is for quite a few reasons - her name is close to the word 'sweet' and of course she is very very sweet with her face, voice and the things she says. :)
At 1 pm a friend came to meet me. We were together till 3:10 pm then I slept again - I had already missed a lot of sleep.
Now, I am perfectly fine and it is as if nothing has happened to me. I can't believe I have seen this today. But thanks to Allah that it was simple and easy to cure. This thing being new, I was afraid that something very bad would happen. It was just some severe allergy. I do not know what caused it.
While in fajar I was just thinking to myself what I would be writing for this blog today. I got this thing to write on ... lols. Everything gives something. I am blessed - as always. Alhamdulillah. :)
Today I was supposed to workout for my shoulders and triceps. I will stay home and take rest. Just to take some rest - an excuse sometimes!!!
This was also the first time that I had to lye on a hospital bed. Actually the bed was in her clinic itself and I didn't have to go upstairs to the rooms. Lying there I imagined so many silly things. I was feeling sleepy to but I had to keep my wrist straight so was disturbed with the micro - naps I was getting.
Even falling ill attracts lot of attention from many people - relatives and friends. I don't lie such kind of importance given to me. It is enough that I am prayed for and all I do is just say JazakAllah Khairan.
My father just got the daily requirement of bread for me. It is packed in pink! :D
This day will soon be forgotten. But memories will remain - as things that happen for the first times. Many times happen for the first times in our lives and it is at times nice that they happen. They help learn more. I don't want anybody to feel what all I felt today. It was terrible.
Yesterday night I slept around 2:30 am. After fajar I had a few biscuits and peanuts as there was no bread at home. I slept after that but was awaken by some cough around 7 am. It was painful. I felt as if something, probably mucous, had filled my lungs and whenever I coughed, it gave me severe pain in the chest. I simply couldn't endure it though I lay on the bed for sometime. Then I had to slip out of the bed and have some cough syrup. This was the first time I had such cough and I am never going to forget it.
But this was not enough. In a few minutes I began seeing some rashes on my left arm. They were something like boils and were itching. It began with my left hand and spread all over my body. I felt like crying. I couldn't stop myself from scratching myself. My skin everywhere was red and had hardened due to the rashes. It was burning everywhere. I had to scratch even my hair and palms and there was no respite for more than 30 minutes. I am not exaggerating it.
I found it disgusting to be that way. I hated my skin for what it had turned into. I wasn't feeling like touching my own body but I had to - to scratch. Even when now I recall how I was feeling then, I have creeps all over my body and my hair straightens up. While scratching my right arm, I suddenly found some blood coming out of the skin. I somehow had to stop scratching. This was even more painful and all I could do was think of crying.
When I was in my 9th standard I once suffered from measles and it had fever going beyond 104 F. It was very bad and it had made me very week. Today it was worse. Along with the itching, I had some uncomfortable feeling in the stomach, pain in the chest, giddiness and breathlessnesses. I was feeling myself week too.
I asked my brother to get me avil tablets and a bottle of benardyl. He made 2 round and found no medical shop opened. My mother was initially a little busy with preparing lunch for my father. Then my father left asking me to take care of myself. I felt bad that he left. But he was getting late. My brother helped me a lot. At 9 am my mother got ready and he got an auto-rickshaw to house. Along with my mother I went to my father's aunt who is a doctor. She own a hospital at Nanal Nagar. After seeing me she immidiately asked the sister to give me those injections and put me on drip.
I remember, when I was in 7th standard I had pains in my shoulders. They were enough to keep me on bed for 2 full days. It was then that I had taken injection before today. Going back to that day, I can clearly recollect the way I was refusing to take any injection and was rolling on the floor crying. All this at my grandmother's (father's aunt) clinic. I feel embarrassed whenever I think of this or when my parents narrate this to anybody.
But today I was fine. It was painful only for a fraction of second and there was nothing after that. The IV needle was a bit uncomfortable. It didn't ache much; just that while inserting it into my skin I was like "sssss"! I felt some discomfort thinking about that more-than-half-inch thing into my skin!
For the first time n my live my blood pressure was checked. It was below normal and for that reason I had to be put on drip. It was 100 x 70. After the complete bottle was injected into me, it was 110/70 and this according to my grandmother is normal for me at that moment of time.
My eyes were swollen. My face had become heavier and I was not able to see things properly. My face looked like what Wills Smith looked in the movie 'Hitch' when he gets allergic to some food he has. Hehe ... but I am not kidding. I wish I could take a few pics of mine but I was busy with scratching. I once thought that I would be scratching myself to death - this reminded me of the movie 'Saw' ... kidding this time!
This was the worst ever thing I had ever felt physically. But alhamdulillah it was for a very short time. I was perfectly file while leaving the hospital at 11:20 am. I have been asked to restrain myself from having chicken, potatoes, brinjal, fish and eggs for 8 days. This is going to hit me hard - I eat 2 eggs almost daily, I eat chicken from outside frequently and with my cousin's wedding around here, I am going to miss everything. Just eating mutton is hopeless. I have to keep away from bananas too - I usually eat 2 to 3 a day!
My grandmother's hospital's name is National Hospital and Diagnostic Center. It was started by my grandfather. He expired 10 years back. Now, she and my father's cousin manage it. Most of us call her 'sweet aunty'. This is for quite a few reasons - her name is close to the word 'sweet' and of course she is very very sweet with her face, voice and the things she says. :)
At 1 pm a friend came to meet me. We were together till 3:10 pm then I slept again - I had already missed a lot of sleep.
Now, I am perfectly fine and it is as if nothing has happened to me. I can't believe I have seen this today. But thanks to Allah that it was simple and easy to cure. This thing being new, I was afraid that something very bad would happen. It was just some severe allergy. I do not know what caused it.
While in fajar I was just thinking to myself what I would be writing for this blog today. I got this thing to write on ... lols. Everything gives something. I am blessed - as always. Alhamdulillah. :)
Today I was supposed to workout for my shoulders and triceps. I will stay home and take rest. Just to take some rest - an excuse sometimes!!!
This was also the first time that I had to lye on a hospital bed. Actually the bed was in her clinic itself and I didn't have to go upstairs to the rooms. Lying there I imagined so many silly things. I was feeling sleepy to but I had to keep my wrist straight so was disturbed with the micro - naps I was getting.
Even falling ill attracts lot of attention from many people - relatives and friends. I don't lie such kind of importance given to me. It is enough that I am prayed for and all I do is just say JazakAllah Khairan.
My father just got the daily requirement of bread for me. It is packed in pink! :D
This day will soon be forgotten. But memories will remain - as things that happen for the first times. Many times happen for the first times in our lives and it is at times nice that they happen. They help learn more. I don't want anybody to feel what all I felt today. It was terrible.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Distance, respect and honor
I do not know when I am going to sleep today. It was at 4 am yesterday after I had a chat with a friend on several things. I woke up after 11:30 am and had a nap in the afternoon. Along with my breakfast I had "I,Robot" - I watched that movie. Yesterday I had left it after viewing the first 50 minutes.
I didn't do anything the rest of the day. My mother was here and she left for some work at 4:30 pm and my father came home at 5:50 pm. It was all boring until I was reminded that I had to go for my suit's trial. It struck me only when I heard my father's footsteps coming up home. I went to the gym early and left for the tailor at 8:30 pm. I called a friend and he accompanied me. I reached home at 9:45 pm and there was nobody home. My parents and my brother had gone out for some shopping. I waited outside with my friend.
My father didn't watch television today. Instead he sat with my brother in front of the computer watching Dhoom - 2. And for this reason I couldn't come online all this time. All evening it was my brother using the computer. He hardly used to spend anytime this way but I guess I need to safeguard a few things on my system which are stored openly everywhere. I just get the feeling that my computer is no more my private. It is not that my brother does anything other than playing some games (he is playing 'rise of nations' now a days), but still I need to be cautious. And of course, there is nothing for me to hide from him but I would not like him going through my files without knowledge! I have no problem in sharing my whole computer with anybody ... just that I need to know what is being seen!
So, today for the 3rd time I had to see this ridiculous movie - Dhoom 2. I had to sit there - living room is the place I spend most of my time.
It admit I am a bit excited about my new suit. I have had 4 of them till now - 2 black; but this is the first time I am getting one stitched. I do not know how it feels to have one stitched to perfection with exact fittings - exclusively made for me. There are of course many on the way!
Today my cousin came to visit us here along with my uncle and aunt. I wasn't home - had been to the gym. This is the second time in just one month that they were here at my house and I wasn't home. It's just a coincidence but I am really sad about that. She has left for Gulbarga again after leaving from house and will come back again in a day or 2. I wish Allah gives some very positive coincidences to make me happy. I have to talk to her ... just to feel that she is there as my support. She knows it!
I like it when somebody gives importance to me - and I know I am important when things are shared with me: things that are supposed to be kept under ones pillow. Allah has blessed me with such people but the distance always saddens me. And it keeps increasing. Not physical distance, but the distance between the conversations I have with these people. But the number of such people for me never increases. It even decreases at times. I know I sound weired but I mean all this!
Presently I feel a little lonely. It will change soon - in a few hours - as it always does. I am blessed.
I didn't do anything the rest of the day. My mother was here and she left for some work at 4:30 pm and my father came home at 5:50 pm. It was all boring until I was reminded that I had to go for my suit's trial. It struck me only when I heard my father's footsteps coming up home. I went to the gym early and left for the tailor at 8:30 pm. I called a friend and he accompanied me. I reached home at 9:45 pm and there was nobody home. My parents and my brother had gone out for some shopping. I waited outside with my friend.
My father didn't watch television today. Instead he sat with my brother in front of the computer watching Dhoom - 2. And for this reason I couldn't come online all this time. All evening it was my brother using the computer. He hardly used to spend anytime this way but I guess I need to safeguard a few things on my system which are stored openly everywhere. I just get the feeling that my computer is no more my private. It is not that my brother does anything other than playing some games (he is playing 'rise of nations' now a days), but still I need to be cautious. And of course, there is nothing for me to hide from him but I would not like him going through my files without knowledge! I have no problem in sharing my whole computer with anybody ... just that I need to know what is being seen!
So, today for the 3rd time I had to see this ridiculous movie - Dhoom 2. I had to sit there - living room is the place I spend most of my time.
It admit I am a bit excited about my new suit. I have had 4 of them till now - 2 black; but this is the first time I am getting one stitched. I do not know how it feels to have one stitched to perfection with exact fittings - exclusively made for me. There are of course many on the way!
Today my cousin came to visit us here along with my uncle and aunt. I wasn't home - had been to the gym. This is the second time in just one month that they were here at my house and I wasn't home. It's just a coincidence but I am really sad about that. She has left for Gulbarga again after leaving from house and will come back again in a day or 2. I wish Allah gives some very positive coincidences to make me happy. I have to talk to her ... just to feel that she is there as my support. She knows it!
I like it when somebody gives importance to me - and I know I am important when things are shared with me: things that are supposed to be kept under ones pillow. Allah has blessed me with such people but the distance always saddens me. And it keeps increasing. Not physical distance, but the distance between the conversations I have with these people. But the number of such people for me never increases. It even decreases at times. I know I sound weired but I mean all this!
Presently I feel a little lonely. It will change soon - in a few hours - as it always does. I am blessed.
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