That Lame Sparrow

And for some reason, maybe the way he said it, I began to understand. He wasn't giving me an order. My dad, was asking me for help. That morning, as I stood with the man who was my father... The son of my grandfather, the man who would one day be the grandfather of my sons...I realized something. That not all gifts are simple. That some battles are fought out of love.

- Narrator, The Powers That Be [3.12], The Wonder Years

As I pulled the car into the drive way I saw two birds resembling ducks near the rear tire of a parked car on the right side. They started crossing the drive way and I had to come to a dead halt. I have never seen such birds here and I assume they were migrating to some place and stopped over for some food. Though they resembled ducks, I am half sure they were not. Their beaks were flat but short and they were smaller in size than the ducks I know. They could be ducks too but they were interesting due to their colorful feathers at the neck. They took short steady steps making me fall in love with their moves. I was waiting in the car for them to clear my way. Perhaps I would have written more about them if they had at least turned their heads towards me in appreciation of my patience. I waited for them to cross; I didn't even honk. They were rude and knew only of their way.

Frequently my memory goes back to my grandparents' house 15 years back. The scene of the open veranda, the servant maid sitting on the floor cutting vegetables and onions around 11 am daily and my grandmother on the other side of the veranda in the kitchen cooking - usually boiling the fresh milk at that time of the day. The guava tree outside the grill always had fruits on it and the curry-leaves tree was green all through the year. A cat was usually seen sitting on the boundary wall watching birds sit on the tree, come down to the floor of veranda, take pieces of vegetable waste and fly away. The huge pomegranate tree was on the other side not visible in this scene. But I feel it's cool presence well aware of the sweet fruit it always blessed me with; alhamdulillah.

There was a small nest made by some sparrows in the outer side of a ventilator at roof-level and one of those sparrows had a cut limb. Though when sparrows move on the ground they appear to be hopping, this sparrow's hop was different. It would fly down from it's nest, pick pieces of cut cilantro in it's beak and fly away. I remember seeing this happen several times during those days. I remember our servant maid leaving vegetable waste on purpose in the open so that these birds could pick them up. After those days, I don't remember seeing many sparrows in India. And now, when I am here, I seem them so frequently. I miss that lame sparrow. A few years back I wept thinking about that small bird. I guess it's already dead.

In the evening I was checking out at Walmart when I saw a three-years-or-so girl playing with a CD box waiting for her mother. A boy younger to her was sitting on the cart and there was a baby lying inside the cart. I watched the girl moving around jumping when she saw me. I smiled at her and she returned a smile but I turned away with several things in my mind. I recollected my brother telling me that my smile looked artificial most of the times, I realized I have not found any times in the last one week to shave my beard that I might be looking unpleasing and I was sure I would feel more sad watching those three kids play not giving me a chance to join them and talk to them. The girl was so beautiful. She was Hispanic.

Tuesday morning I returned from the university at 6:45 am. We were working on a project involving AES, MAC and Google APIs for a few days and we had to submit it before evening the same day. The day before I went to the university in the afternoon after returning from job, came back to apartment for some rest and food and went back again. On Tuesday afternoon I was there to make the final proceedings. Our submission was before time but we were late for another assignment we had. An hour later I had another submission for a core course. The class had already started and I was working in the lab. I called my teammate who was in the class; as expected, he didn't receive. He called me back after a few minutes. I asked him if he could come out for a minute. A couple of minutes later I was on my way back to my apartment thanking Allah how blessed I am to have wonderful people around me. I had handed over some papers to my teammate and asked him to submit them on my behalf. I couldn't attend the class because there was hardly any time left for it to get over.

The status message of a contact in Facebook reminded me of a poem I had written about more than two years back. His status message said he was very happy. That night I wrote the poem I was very happy too - with no reason; and I don't remember being happy like that again since then. It's not that happiness has stayed away from me - I have seen lots of happiness and satisfaction in other ways; but this was different. It was night time and seemed as if it was going to rain, the weather was pleasant with cool breeze entering the window and the only thing I knew was that I was very happy. I remember no words of the poem, I only remember what made me write it; I remember the happiness. It was so different again when I was going for work at 5:30 am in the morning. Every day seems something different here. Alhamdulillah. My job started at 6 am on Thursday.

One of my friends is going to leave for Jeddah next week inshAllah. He has had his share of waiting and now inshAllah he shall be on his own. It's eight months and ten days since I have left home and I seem to have forgotten so many things about how I used to live there. Allah has made us very flexible and adjusting that we can blend ourselves into anything we find worth it. I am going to see my first summer here and I hope I make the most out of it. I want to earn as much as possible and perfect Java. InshAllah by next month I will have paid off for my car and I know how I will be satisfied. It's another dream fulfilled alhamdulillah - having a car here is not a big deal but having it being a student like me is. Right now I can think of only one thing in this life that could give me more happiness than anything else. It's not getting a permanent job, going to India, getting married or even buying an island. It's something else irreplaceable.

A Little April

One of the virtues of being very young is that you don't let the facts get in the way of your imagination. 

-Sam Levenson

There isn't any big reason to write today save the fact that I haven't written for a while. With hardy any time left for the semester to end there are some project submissions and tests to be taken care of which consume a lot of time. It's good to be spending time this way rather than doing stuff that works for nothing. I have to go to bed early now so that I can wake up at 7 am to go to work. I haven't slept much in the last few days - I guess it was four hours yesterday and about five hours a day before. I don't remember how long it was before that. It isn't of much importance except that my eyes appear tired with darkness around them.

I registered for courses for Fall 2009 the other day. InshAllah I am going to study Advanced Software Architecture and Design, Advanced Database Design and Telecom Network Management. I am not quite sure if I am going to go ahead with the last one in list - I have least idea about what it is. All I know from others is it gives good grades. I will go for something else if something new and interesting is offered. I wanted to study a course involving Data Mining but it has Computational Biology as a prerequisite which I am in no mood to consider. I won't be taking any course for the summer semester. I don't want to finish my studies any earlier than May 2010.

After writing the first two sentences I felt like deleting them and postponing the update after which I stopped thinking about what I am feeling. I will have some snack and go to bed in a few minutes inshAllah. It definitely doesn't feel good not spending much time on the computer, but I have to sacrifice that for a couple of days inshAllah. It's not supposed to be called as a sacrifice though - it's a path I have chosen over other things I could have opted for. Being patient can be frustrating. I used to think it's all just a matter of time. Being patient also at times leads to giving no importance to what patience can bring. Frustration can kill many a thing. I can't stop myself from thinking about everything I feel. I like a few of them - even if they are self-defeating.

Some Times In April

Today I come bearing an olive branch in one hand, and the freedom fighter's gun in the other. Do not let the olive branch fall from my hand. I repeat, do not let the olive branch fall from my hand.

 - Yasser Arafat, United Nations General Assembly, New York, November 13th, 1974

I got an e-mail from a friend from India who asked me to vote for the present king of Saudi Arabia for the Nobel Peace prize. The moment I saw that I decided I would vote against it. I opened the link that e-mail contained and found a button on that page that read "vote". I thought clicking on it would give options to vote in favor of the king or against the king and so, I clicked it. On the contrary, the web-page gave me a message that thanked me for voting for the king. It just made me say "what?". That king might be the ruler of that country Saudi Arabia but he can't dictate on what I think about him. He might be a king, one of the richest men in the world owning more than $21 billion or even a Muslim. I would never want him to get any prize.

If this king was a true Muslim he would have given up his power and had enforced khilafat in his country. If he was a true Muslim having so much money he would have helped millions of poor dying with hunger in Africa. If he was a true Muslim he would never live in castles made out from money his country men deserve to have. Wikipedia tells about the amount of money he has donated for various purposes. If he was a true Muslim not even his four wives, seven sons and 15 daughters would have come to know about it. He has been ranked No. 5 on Parade Magazine's 2009 World's Worst Dictators list. I would never be in favor of this kind of person getting a Peace Prize.

Saudi Arabia has already been sold to the United States of America. Every time a Saudi king or a prince makes an international statement it is moderated by America. Literacy rate in Saudi Arabia is too less given the amount of wealth its citizens possess. Every few years they build a new university, emulate America, create a western environment and the king takes credit for it. If the king was really interested in getting the people of his country educated, Saudi Arabia could easily afford a hundred new universities every year. The royal family doesn't want the people to get educated. Education is a threat to monarchy.

Recently I read an article that said how 200 Mosques in Mecca have the wrong Quibla direction. I am well aware how many people living in Saudi Arabia practice Islam because it's their culture and not purely because Allah has asked us for it. There are so many fake Shariat laws in effect in Saudi Arabia including the one that gives the government the power to enforce purda. And it's purda which is enforced, not the hijab which Allah wants us to practice. No matter how many years a citizen of other country lives in this kingdom, serves the rich sheiks there, he is never treated like how the locals are treated. I am well aware how South Asians are given second rate treatment even by the police that is supposed to keep law in order. A king of such a country deserves no prize.

I was already angry while returning from work today and this e-mail proved to be a perfect catalyst to it. I was so angry that I had to remind myself of the speed limit on the roads I was driving on. I just wanted to press the gas hard and pour out all the heat my blood had but the rules don't allow anybody do that. Alhamdulillah. All my way back home I was trying my best to find faults in myself and every time I could find even a small piece of it I could feel calmness returning to me. I even forgot to drink the can of soda I had kept by my side. Perhaps I was good by the time I returned to my laptop; I saw this e-mail and it was back to square one again. I never liked Saudi Arabia having a king. But perhaps it's in the best interests on those illiterate people that they are ruled by somebody than given the power to rule themselves. Allah decides; alhamdulillah.

With Mondays

Clothes make the man.  Naked people have little or no influence on society. 

- Mark Twain 

I changed my wallet today. I had been using a black one given to me by my aunt a couple of years back. She and I were cleaning my grandfather's room and found two new black leather wallets in one of his bags. She asked me to keep one of them so that it didn't go waste staying in the same bag. Today, I removed all my money and cards from it and put it in the new one, put the money I had in my suitcase in it and put it back into the suitcase. The new one I am using now was gifted to me by my friends in 2007 on my birthday. It's brown in color. I remember that day.

We went to watch Pink Panther 2 on Monday at night. I had a class till 9:45 pm but the professor was not going to come so I thought I could inshAllah finish the assignments by next class and skip this one. The movie got over at 11 pm, we went to Walmart after that and by the time we reached home, cooked food and had dinner, I am sure it was 2 am. This was an hour early than when I had my dinner after coming home on Sunday. I had slept a little before 7 am to stay in it for 10 hours. I sleep on Mondays alhamdulillah. It's as difficult to get out of bed as it is to get in. It's a fight.

Sunday, just a few hours after talking to my parents I felt like talking to my father again. For an hour I tried to imagine how he would respond. I was sure he would ask me if everything was alright but I just wanted to talk to him. It was uneasy to think how calling my father too needed a reason. Further, I didn't wish to give him any impression that there might be something I am feeling bad about that I wanted to talk to him - I just wanted to talk not even knowing what to talking; it's not what we talk; it's the talk - the time spent. And I called him. Perhaps he understands how one would feel and we spoke as if we hadn't had any conversation for a week. Alhamdulillah. I wish I never have to think twice before I feel like talking to anybody, never have to decide that I shouldn't call and always have the phone number of the person I wish to talk; inshAllah.

A Piece Of Days

I never knew until that moment how bad it could hurt to lose something you never really had.

- The Wonder Years

I remember when April 5th was a Friday - it was two years back ; all my classmates were hosting a farewell party for the seniors in Taj Banjara and I had stayed home. Though I never myself had a straight explanation why I wished to stay away, later I thanked Allah I didn't go. There were a few reasons I hardly remember now but one of them was how everybody behaves in a disco. On Thursday I recollected the freshers party in Taj Krishna, I attended when I was in my first year of bachelors more than four years back, when I went to the UT Dallas International Students Dance Party. I didn't go there to dance but just to attend a party. There were several such events all through the week which I had stayed away from so, I thought I should be a student too. It's three years now since this blog came into existence.

On Friday there was a foam-party my roommate friend attended. He asked me to come along but I had plans to prepare chicken biryani with my other roommate friend and I stayed away. Later he told me how he enjoyed though he didn't step into the foam for not having the right kind of footwear. I secretly wished I had been there for a while at least just to see how a foam-party looks like. There is free food too on all such parties that happen here; they happen every other day. There is so much to enjoy - parties, food, indoor and outdoor games, girls, boys money, luxuries - alhamdulillah I never find it difficult being selective.

I see how soda drinks and juices have slowly replaced water in my diet. They taste tastier with food, have calories that help me and make me feel good! My favorite is Dr. Pepper which none of my roommates appreciate. I remember my cousin telling me in one of the iftaar times in Ramzaan that Dr. Pepper tastes weired at first, but if I adjust to it I will never find any drink better than it. He was right. It's no wonder why so many people here especially with non-American origin don't like it - it tastes really weired. I wonder how I ended up liking it - that's weired too. I even like Minute Maid's Fruit Punch.

I met the same cousin on Friday at Walmart in night. He was with his UTD friends who know me too. I always feel great whenever I meet him and even these other guys. They are the kind of people who make me want to say I should be like them. But immediately I realize there are many things I need to learn from them but I would never want to be like any other person I come across. I might fall in love with how these people are, give them the highest respect or even call them the best of people I know, but I love being the person I am alhamdulillah. This cousin always gave me peace and help. He taught me how to order at McDonalds and Subway, taught me the basics of driving here each of which I observe even now, taught me to how girls wearing jeans here is not as bad as I used to think and also taught me how one can enjoy life following Allah's path.

I can recollect the night he was dropping me back to my apartment after a party I was invited to. I asked him why girls wore jeans here even though they always sport scarfs, pray ardently and observe all practices made mandatory by Allah. He told me that I need to get used to it. A few days later I had asked my cousin sister. She gave me a similar answer too. It was only after my long stay in Houston that I understood how my perspective had been illogical. We people from India are a little conservative in our approach about clothing and food. Since January both of these in me have changed - being conservative is not what is needed, being how Allah wants us to be is. Allah asked us for hijaab; never for any particular kind of clothes.

It's All In The Books I Should Read

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.  

- Author Unknown

It's strange how my week starts at 7 pm every Monday. In the class which ended a little more than six hours back the professor said we won't be doing any lab work but students will have to read some of the slides for the class so that he could talk on them and nobody sleeps. I wanted to read some; I tried to sit in a more relaxing way for sometime so that I would catch his attention prompting him to ask me to talk; for a while I tried to show that I was being very attentive in the class by moving closer to the table and putting my hands on them; neither worked. I love talking on such occasions.

After reading a friend's post on music on her blog a few days back I spent a good amount of time trying to find hadees and references from the holy Quran that prohibit music. I have not come across any verse from the holy Quran or a Sahih Hadees that music is prohibited. There are a couple of hadees that do infer a prohibition but interpretation can differ. If music indeed was such a big sin, then Allah Himself would have asked us to keep away from it by mentioning it in the holy Quran. I didn't discuss this matter with many people but read some on the Internet and had talks on it with two of my room-mate friends. I understand I am not learned enough to make big judgements but I will be glad if somebody comes up with a straight forward verse from the holy Quran or Sahih Hadees proclaiming music as sinful.

Cheating, lying and back-biting are bigger sins that must be contained and stayed away from. There are only two hadees that indirectly infer music as sinful and even if they were to be rather more direct, I am sure it's not as big a sin as cheating, lying or back-biting are. My two friends, though are from different countries than I am, were told by their parents that if they listened to music hell will treat their ears with hot wax or oil. I remember being said the same too. When I searched for arguments on music, I found this thing nowhere. I am personally against all forms of activities that take me away from Allah but I cannot accept something to be a sin only because it has some chance of doing so - if it was a sin, Allah would have mentioned it in the holy Quran. If there is anybody reading this and has direct references from the holy Quran and the hadees to guide me, I will be thankful to them. Alhamdulillah.

Four Fifty Five A M

Often, the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it.
- Mark Twain

It's necessary that I read a lot so that I can write frequently and well. It's been almost a year since I have read any fiction or non-fiction book though there is no problem in accessing any of these. When I get time I sit with my laptop and sleep. Otherwise I am in the university attending some classes, at work or enjoying with my room-mate friends. It's been so much time but I am still not able to meet people here I want to visit. Timings simply don't match, I don't get enough of reasons and I prefer being more conservative.

My friends here at the university complain I don't return their calls, don't meet regularly or hardly spend any time with them. I know they understand why it's all this way. They are, I am sure, happy that there is at least somebody they know who works. With things getting tough here, internships drying up and living expenses increasing, it's a blessing to be me. But I am greedy. I don't know what makes me this. I refuse to wait for things to come to me. Many people tell there is a time for everything. I refuse to accept that. Marking for timings and placing events in them has been done by man; Allah didn't ask us to do that. There are orders from Allah and these paradigms dictated my men are against what Allah has asked for. It's a pity how decisions that mean lifetime to people are made based on money and financial status. Allah decides who gets happiness and it's source. Money doesn't decide. Money is very important though.

I came here for money. When I listen to people who say all they need is a decent enough job, a simple average life with just enough money for necessities and simple luxuries, a small family in a cozy home and a peaceful life creates a dislike for them within me. There are many questions I can ask them but I know it makes no difference. Perhaps such people are important too - if everybody started asking for more than average then it would make it difficult for people like me. I understand the intense competition. I never forget what Allah wants from me. This reminds me of a quote from a movie: "I want what all men want, I just want it more". Alhamdulillah.

Three Sticks

"I shouldn't be surprised if it hailed a good deal tomorrow", Eeyore was saying. "Blizzards and what-not. Being fine today doesn't mean anything. It has no sig - what's that word? Well, it has none of that. It's just a small piece of weather."
- The House At Pooh Corner (1928), A. A. Milne

A lecture of around 20 minutes was remaining when I left the class. My laptop's battery was almost out, I knew I wouldn't be able to finish the left over class assignments and I was sure I would be able to read through the slides to understand the left over part of the lecture. The professor was right outside the class talking on phone when I stepped out of the door. He looked at me, I thought I could at least let him know I was leaving, but he was on call and didn't respond to my eyes after the first glance and I left hoping he won't mind. I am sure he won't bother. I just have to finish all the assignments in time inshAllah.

Later I went to Walmart and bought verities of snacks. I always look for the calories marked on all stuff I buy - I go for ones that are rich in them. My room mates look for products with low numbers in them. Perhaps the mistake I did today was going for shopping with an empty stomach. I am pretty sure though I will be having a colorful diet for the coming few days inshAllah. For dinner today I cooked a curry using onions and potatoes and halfway though I added a ready-made packaged curry of okra to it to cook them together. It came out well alhamdulillah. I don't feel good keeping 'Three Sticks' as the title for this post but I need something to record a thought I have been nurturing these days and I guess it's better done this way.

It's not easy for me to recollect my days between September and December 2008. Things changed a lot since I visited Houston. Perhaps the two major factors were my driving licence and a new friend as a room mate who had preferences similar to mine. For me, good people are those who bring out the best out of me, help me keep myself satisfied and enjoy my time. I usually call my father a little before going to bed. Though we had a detailed talk for around 20 minutes when it was 12:15 pm here, he himself called me before I could make the call. It was short but like always making me relish it. Today my mother too called me before I called her - it was 11:12 pm. The afternoon talk with my parents made some difference to three of us.

Just A Small Smackeral

Pooh always liked a little something at eleven o'clock in the morning, and he was very glad to see Rabbit getting out the plates and mugs; and when Rabbit said, "Honey or condensed milk with your bread?" he was so excited that he said, "Both," and then, so as not to seem greedy, he added, "But don't bother about the bread, please."

- A. A. Milne, Winnie The Pooh

It's a pleasant evening today. I opened the patio's door and hear birds chirping. I have little idea about the names of these small birds but their chirping is similar to sparrows or perhaps sweeter. I turned the air conditioner off to enjoy the warm breeze coming from outside. I know it's going to get cold as the night approaches so, it's best to enjoy the weather at this time of the day. Though I haven't seen how it was during the afternoon I am sure it was hot and humid. Even a temperature of 25 degrees Centigrade seems hot at times. Weather can't be trusted here. I think I hear two different kinds of birds.

My classes start again on Monday at 7 pm. I had a weak plan of going to Austin in this Spring break but all I got was two days for myself and I spent almost half of them sleeping. I wanted to spend some time with my cousin sister who lives in Austin because the last time I went there I couldn't even talk to her properly. Austin is three and a half hours drive from Dallas on I35 E South. I 35 E North ends in Denton where a close friend lives. It's not that far from here and I had been thinking of visiting him too. I tend to leave things as they are unless they challenge peace. I had been wanting to visit my father's friend's place too in Bedford but I am not sure how much longer it's going to take.

The other day somebody asked me why I was so dressed up when I was in formal clothes. I returned a smile and said nothing. I can't explain these American people here who know nothing about how it is in the rest of the world. Further more I was sure no matter how much I try I wouldn't be about to explain it to this African American lady that formal clothes are for all occasions and ask her why she believed that wearing them means to be called as being dressed up. I feel more comfortable and confident when I am in formals. I don't bother with how others dress up - it's their personal preference. They shouldn't bother with my preference unless they mean somebody to me. The time for Magrib today is 7:55 pm and Ishan is at 9:30 pm. I have a plan to take a friend to a desi store in Richardson and then for Ishan at the nearby Masjid inshAllah.

Meet

Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight. 

- Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966

It's seven months since I left India. The last post I published in India on this blog was the 459th and 39 posts later I write the 499th today alhamdulillah. Though I don't particularly bother with trivial numbers, some do please me. It's not the figure that matters, it's all about what I have recorder, what I have shared, how I have responded or even reacted and how I grew. On March 31th it will be three years since I created this blog. It's not a feat, not any form of achievement that I should be proud of; it's just a number that pleases me - it also shows how alhamdulillah everybody is different; how I am different; how we all are unique - alhamdulillah.

It's 5:15 am now. I had a heavy dinner but realizing there were chicken franks in the freezer made me hungry so, I had one a few minutes back. I woke up very late in the afternoon and around 6:30 pm I asked my friend "where's the party tonight?". He has a night shift today so I knew whatever I plan with my other friends he wouldn't be there. Around 9 pm I had to decide what to do for the night, I started cooking, decided against watching the movie we were initially planning, had dinner at 10:30 pm and left for a restaurant to have hookah.

I had been thinking about having hookah for a long time - it was back in summer of 2008 when I had had it in India. My room-mate friends too were keen and we took along. After returning home around 1:25 am it struck to me that a trip to Wal-mart was due. My friend discussed with me how incredible it is to go out for shopping at 2:30 am in the morning and how his friends in Tanzania would be amused if he told them about it. Having a Wal-mart nearby is so convenient; not to forget the Tom Thumb and Super Target. Having a mosque nearby could have been awesome.

Yesterday early morning too the same person sent me a text saying "hey". At the end of a few  conversations I reminded her something: "I told you I don't make friends this way" and there was nothing from her side after that. I thought she had finally found me rude enough and wouldn't get to me again. Around 1:45 pm I received a text from her "wow". I didn't reply. She didn't try to reach me till now and I hope she doesn't. I don't know who she is, I don't want to know who she is and I don't want to be more rude. If somebody knows me, I would be glad to talk and be the best of the person I could possibly be; but I don't like anything like this. Though I never tried hard to make friends anytime, I have the best of people as my friends and the count is very large Alhamdulillah - I value them all; and I keep making good friends continually.

My contact with my friends in India has come to an all time low. I remember buying a TV video game in 8th standard which I didn't like and cried because I had wasted so much money given to me as a gift from my mother. Even since then whenever I spent any significant amount of money I always gave second thoughts and serious evaluations. I can't forget that bitter night I cried telling my parents how I was not satisfied spending those two thousand Rupees on that console. Even today I agree I shouldn't have bought that. But if I had not, I would have made several wrong decisions in the rest of my time till today and in the coming days too. I had learnt something that night - the hard way. I was too young then. Having some people talking to us daily could be so mesmerizing. I talk to my parents daily alhamdulillah. Some people are still missing.

White Light

Grown-ups love figures.  When you tell them that you have made a new friend, they never ask you any questions about essential matters.  They never say to you, "What does his voice sound like?  What games does he love best?  Does he collect butterflies?" Instead, they demand:  "How old is he?  How many brothers has he?  How much does he weigh?  How much money does his father make?"  Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.  
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943, translated from French

A few weeks back one of my room-mate friend dropped my glass cup by mistake and it broke. It was the only one left out of the six we had in my home back in India - it was more than just a cup for me. I thought it would hurt when it broke. But alhamdulillah this friend meant more to me than that cup. Ever since he joined me as my room-mate I have started enjoying my life. He became a close friend of mine, somebody I can talk a lot to and a person I can trust. I never knew I was going to meet somebody like him. I meet many people alhamdulillah who make me feel that.

I got a text message a while ago asking "text me back". I was convinced it was somebody who was mistaking me for somebody else but I asked back if I know who it was trying to talk to me. The person gave a girl's name and responded as if I know who she is. She said she found my number on MySpace for which I replied "I don't use it". I just didn't want to hurt her by being rude telling her she was wasting my time. But I did exactly that in the end.

I thought I could be polite by at least proving it to her that I am not who she was thinking me to be and so, I said she can give me her e-mail ID so that I could let her know me on Facebook. She said she doesn't use Facebook for which I said I don't use MySpace and that she was wasting my time and her time too. As a courtesy I said "goodnight". And she replied "I thought I saw a cute boy that would talk to me...". I responded "sorry about that! But I don't make friends this way".

I finally slept for more than five hours yesterday - it went upto 7 I guess but it was very disturbed. In the morning I wanted to meet my aunt and cousins who were visiting Dallas but i couldn't. It didn't make me happy. It was a tiring day with many things to see - I am not sure if what I am learning is something I am really supposed to learn. But I am satisfied alhamdulillah. I am better than many, many people here and else where.

Among the best of people I met here is my father's friend. Alongside my aunt from Houston, a cousin and an uncle here, he is the one who caused a lot of difference to my living. Everytime I talk to him, everytime I see him and hear from him I know I am safe here alhamdulillah. I remember the first time I met him - he was just like many of my father's friends who are very sweet, I came to know he was my father's brothers' friend too, I was told he lives in Arlington and the best thing I remembered is he invited me to visit him. Later I came to know he lives in Dallas and I used to wonder if I would be able to meet him because I was going to come stay in Richardson. He doesn't live in Dallas; I don't live in Richardson; I live in Dallas; my university is in Richardson; he doesn't live in Arlington either; he lives in Bedford.